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Reinvent myself

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by tina, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. tina

    tina New IL'ite

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    Just wanted to vent my feelings out of my mind.....
    I had always been very active during my school and college days, taking part in dance, speech, essay writing etc.. Managed to continue that in college as well. Not bad that even while I was working at Chennai, managed to take part in arts festival in my company. Now,Iam just thinking what happenned to all my energy and vigour... Iam just looking like one dull, not so interested in life stuff...
    Sometimes, I just compare my life to the sambhar that my maid makes at home.. yeah.. She just adds all components in.. ruch dhal, homemade sambhar powder(not the ready made ones), generous amount of veges.. and what not to make it delicious.. inspite of all that..it's tasteless... same thing with my life too..

    inspite of having a loving husband, wonderful kids and enough money and a good job.. why Iam having a feeling like this..

    probably because, I had always lived for the happiness of others... Even when I was young, I used to be very possessive abt my 2 younger brothers and just take care of them like a mother.. had always been very concerned abt. their growth and happiness.. my dad is a very hard worker but had a very low profile job and to give himhand, my mom also worked as a teacher. I need not mention what sort of treatment we would receive, if our family is a lower middle class.. this was the major inspiration for me to excel in life and bring my family's status upright in the mean society. God was just great to be on my side and I made it.. I had given every happiness that a daugther could give for a parent.. had played a fair role as an elder sister for my 2 brothers.. had intervened them at every stage to see them grow with good traits.Now one is married and another one probably next year. Both of them are blessed with good jobs. Now that I have achieved everything that I wanted to, my mind is very tired and feel like I miss something...

    When I think about it deeply, I guess I have missed to take care of myself, my feeling , my happiness, my desires... While I was fighting against the life to bring up my family, all my childhood enthusiasm has vanished. I don't seem to talk much and make new friends... Though I know, I have great interest with music, dance, reading,cooking...... but feel little lethargic to pursue them now..

    is this common with everyone who's aging? Is there something that I can do about to bring back some cheer for myself.... or should I feel contented with what I have already been blessed with....



    I don't seem to develop new friends . When off fromwork, I keep confined with taking care of my children, husband. Have heard from my friends (which I used to have when there were with me in singapore), that people do get together over the weekends as families and they have good time. It's not very common though in Singapore for the expats atleast.

    Just wanted to reinvent myself and be meaningful to myself before I lose all my energy. Has anyone had a similar kind of feeling who has overcome the same. I'd like to make friends and feel afresh!! Hope Industeam would be a great place for me to relax.

     
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  2. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    keep yourself motivated!

    Hi Tina,
    I just think you are feeling lonely. From your mail it looks like you are in singapore, is that right? Maybe you can go out and join a new course , that is a good way to make friends or at least acquaintances....of course you may have to go out and motivate people and start the process of having family get togethers, it does help to stay fresh and excited. We all look forward to company and it is very difficult to find people of our culture or mind set. But you can give it a try.
    Basically like you had written i think all of us are such good housewives, mothers, siblings etc. But we fail to develop our individual interests early on in life. At the stage when everyone is settled and do not need us , we get lonely and do not know what to do!
    SO GET SET GO, find a new course even if it happens to be as exotic as FLAMENCO dancing or STAINED glass painting!
    all the best,
    regards,
     
  3. tina

    tina New IL'ite

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    Thank you so much

    Dear Sudha,
    It makes feel light, when I realize there is some soul in germany who can reply me. Thanks a lot. I agree with your suggestion and that is what Iam trying to as well also. As part of it, I registered myself in this site too.
    thanks again for lending your ears and for being so considerate enough. Your words are soothing for me.
    Take care.
    Tina
     
  4. poojitha

    poojitha New IL'ite

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    Engage yourself

    Hi Varshini,

    I got to read about you in the 'who am I' section. You seem to be having a loving family with 2 kids and I presume you are working when you said you are involved in IT. But sometimes loving family and decent job is also just not enough. We need something else to relax and refresh ourselves.

    Don't feel about your old friends...you can touch base with them whenever possible. Cheer up that you have got lots of friends online through this site. I am also new here, but I am feeling very happy to be part of this site - nice people with different interests willing to share their thoughts, opinions and whatever they know. I am sure we can have a good time here and that will help in 'recharging' as you said.

    My m-i-l is in her early 60s, who had a big family to take care of since her childhood. She was the eldest among 5 daughters and so she had the responsibility of taking care of all her sisters next to her Mom. Got into early marriage and had 4 children - all married and settled in different places. Now she and my f-i-l are by themselves. Having been actively taking care of someone or the other since childhood, she was recently feeling empty without not anyone to take care of and nothing much to occupy her.

    You know what...she now networked with similar age group people in the locality she lives in Chennai. She goes to temples, is part of the relegious bhajans, goes to a nearby blind school and reads for them, joined an art class recently, teaches slokas and songs for the kids in the locality and now she is busy ever.

    When I read your snippet, I thought sharing about her will motivate you. I am not asking you to get into religious activies like her - she is in her 60s. But engage yourself with the activities that interests you. Do some searching within yourself and find out what will interest you. Now this stage of your life is all yours...spend it for yourself. Enough of taking care of others. However, soon your kids will grow and once again your routine of taking care will start. Spend lots of time with your kids too...get down to their age level and play like a child with them.

    Hey...first of all throw off the thinking that your aging. That itself will help you revive.

    Good luck.

    Cheers,
    Poojitha
     
  5. tina

    tina New IL'ite

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    Hi Poojitha,

    You are right. I had always had an impression that loving family, decent job and enough money should be good enough to lead a happy life. Happenned to realize life is more than that.
    Well. Iam trying my best to spend my time with my kids when Iam off from work. Also, these days I have started to find more about myself now. Just need to plan some stuff for me and me alone as part of my routines.
    Found this site very motivating.

    Have a great day!
    Best Regards
    Tina
     
  6. ambika ananth

    ambika ananth Bronze IL'ite

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    change and grow...

    Dear Tina

    I felt such a gush of warmth and empathy towards you after reading your post. I guess most women who are just ' givers' feel this way at some point in time. By the time they realize that they have forgotten about themselves, the 'burnt out' feeling would have already set in...

    First let me lighten the mood with this joke ( reality )

    " Life really isn't fair...You eat properly,exercise and take good care of yourself and what is the reward- 'old age'..."

    Though evryone has to reach that stage, before that, one should acknowledge that life is a 'gift' and its just not for 'giving away' but 'nurturing and preserving it also is part of the contract with our Creator.

    Please focus to 'change and grow'...you have all the potential...structure your time to indulge in yourself. Woman should take time away from ' diapers, dishpans and desperation'...and should fill her time in activities which enhance her 'self-worth'.

    Start analyzing...what gives you the maximum joy...not that fleeting one, but which gives a moral and emotional boost. Make a list of all ...follow them diligently and they will pattern your life...

    Hope to hear from you....

    love

    ambika
     
  7. tina

    tina New IL'ite

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    Dear Indus friends,
    All your mails had been a great moral booster for me.
    Iam feeling little light and starting to accept realities of life.
    Trying to firm some plans for myself and I hope I'll be able to succeed.
    Thanks a lot for all the friends who had replied.
    I loved the following piece which I read from ManaseRelax book.. happenned to be in a website... it was in tamil and requires amudham font.. If you also like, please enjoy ...
    http://www.sysindia.com/tamil/fonts/amudham.html
    ,sk; bgz;kzp xUj;jp jd; FHe;ija[ld; flw;fiuf;Fg; nghapUe;jhs;. fly; miyfspny tpisahof; bfhz;oUe;j FHe;ijiaj; jpObud;W Xu; miy ,Gj;Jr; brd;Wtpl;lJ. Iianah... vd; FHe;ij ngha;tpl;lnj vd;W me;jg; bgz; fz;zPu;tpl;L mGjhs;. me;jg; bgz;zpd; mGif cUf;fkhf ,Ue;jjhy; fly; bja;tk;/ FHe;ijia kPz;Lk; capUld; fiuf;F mDg;gpaJ * jd; FHe;ijf;F VJk; MfhjJ fz;L re;njh#j;jpy; jpf;FKf;fho tpl;lhs;. FHe;ijapd; fd;d';fspy; khwp khwp Kj;jk; ,l;lts; vnjr;irahf FHe;ijapd; fhiy ftdpj;jhd;. FHe;ijapd; xU fhypy;jhd; brUg;g[ ,Ue;jJ. ,d;bdhU fhypy; ,Ue;j brUg;igf; fhztpy;iy * clnd me;jg; bgz;zpd; kpfpH;r;rp gwe;Jtpl;lJ. Iianah * brUg;g[ ngha;tpl;lnj" vd;W mts; kPz;Lk; mH Muk;gpj;jhs; *
     
  8. Lakshmivinoth

    Lakshmivinoth Junior IL'ite

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    Please know yourself

    Hi Tina



    I do understand your situation very well. Manytimes we give such a tremendous contribution to our family that we forget our own individual identity. We fail to understand our own likes and dislikes. At least, I am so happy for you that you are a highly talented and qualified woman…moreover, you are having a challenging job and a loving family. But what I really understand is you don’t have time for yourself. Your life dwells between home and Office, between colleagues and the family members, between clients and relatives….but where the hell do you have time for yourself?? Tina, you really need to give yourself some time. You will be the happiest person if you take a long break from your career and spend some time for yourself. I know it may not be easy to take a break…you may have your own personal reasons for that and you are committed to your family. But is it possible for you to take at least one hour out of every 24 hours? I am sure that your answer will be “YES”. Please don’t compromise that one hour for the sake of others. Many times, you create such an impression on everybody (Including our family and our colleagues) that everything will come to a stand still if you are not around. This is not true and wise. You can utilize that one hour for just for you and yourself. During that one hour, you go for a walk, make new friends and reactivate your relationship with your old friends, spend some time on net, spend some time for your hobbies, read new books etc…choice is yours but make sure that you don’t make any compromises.



    Even I am a working woman and I do feel the same many times. Due to lot of family problems, I have given too many compromises in my life. In my case, my parents didn’t encourage me with regard to thing as I was a girl child. All their encouragements were only for my brother. I had so many hobbies but I was never encouraged for any. At least I am thankful that I was educated enough. For instance, I always loved to go with my friends but I was never allowed to. At least during my final year B.Com, I wanted to enjoy and be with my friends when our batch mates coordinated a North India Tour. But I didn’t go because my parents didn’t allow me so. I fished my college around 8 years back. But still this sorrow is green in my heart. God has blessed me with a good job and such a wonderful husband. We are married for 3 years now and to share the good news with you, I am now pregnant for 5 months (this is going to be our first baby). This is all the joy I have in life now. I have shared all my joys and sorrows with my husband and vise versa. He always tells me that he will make my “<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:place>North India</st1:place> trip” dream come true. But what’s the point now? My life is different now compared to my college life. Will I enjoy it in the same way as I expected to enjoy during my student life? Anyways, past is past and there is no point in gripping about it. What I am trying to tell you is this is a common depression that you are going thro and most of the woman go thro this. But the only way you can come out of this depression is by helping your self. Please know yourself better and that’s more important at this point of time. Let me tell you a harsh reality in life. Nobody is going to thank you or appreciate you for your compromises. So, you be a little selfish and just think what is good for you and act. Please wake up!!!



    Regards



    Lakshmi Vinoth
     
  9. tina

    tina New IL'ite

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    thank you Lakshmi

    Hi Lakshmi!
    First of all, I would want to Congratulate you as you had shared a happy news that you are going to be a mom soon. Of course I do not know you by face. But, I could imagine how happy you would be to receive your new addition to your family. There is nothing wrong in me congratulating you for you had shared your happiness with me. Iam sure you'll definitely have great time with your new born!


    Coming back to your reply. Yes. One of the way to get out the depression is either to take a long or short break. Very much true! That's why these days, Iam greatly involved with this Indus community. Earlier, my browsing style used to be very adhoc.. Read whatever I feel like at that moment.. I didn't have any concrete contacts.Now that my browsing is very focused towards my interests, it's quite nice that I get contacts and able to converse. I had also not put in efforts to keep my old friends network live nor did I attempt to create new ones. That was also one key reason which caused me that kind of lonely feeling! Now Iam making concious effort to touch base my friends and also renew my interests. It's now starting to be refreshing for me.
    I'll wait for you post to hear about your baby! I wish you every happiness to go through the motherhood...
    - regds
    Tina
     
  10. Lakshmivinoth

    Lakshmivinoth Junior IL'ite

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    Dear Tina

    Thanks for your instant reply and your best wishes has cheered me up!

    Beyond anything, I am so happy that you have already taken few positive steps to come out of your mood swings. Ofcourse Indusladies is a vary good choice. You tend to interact with so many ladies across the world. I was going thro lot of depressions and mood swings during my first trimester and few good sites like Indusladies really helped me to come out of it. Hope we keep in touch very often. My expected due date is on 15th of February 2006 and I will keep in mind to give you the good news.

    Regards

    Lakshmi
     

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