Regarding second marriage alliance search

Seriously,Garlic??!! Please dont tell me that garlic was an issue in your previous marriage

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what kind of statement is this? we dont know what she had come across in life.. and u being sarcastic about her personal is very insensitive. i request ladies here not to encourage such posts.

Her question to IL is very simple, practical and genuine. suggest something useful and practical ladies...even in love marriages conflicts arises from every nook and corner these days... in arranged marriage all such simple compatibilities should be taken into severe consideration for a healthy marriage while marrying an Indian & co.

 

Lakshmi,
This is something that I always say in Iyer-Iyengar discussions : Vishnu is very much a part of Iyers' worshipping practices. In fact, in a lot of Iyer families, the family devotee (kuladeivam) is Thirupathi Perumal and all samaradhanais are usually done to Him. Of course, there are people who worship only Shiva, but it is entirely up to them. As for me, I am of the same opinion as another PP here - follow one's Ishta Devatha. After all, God is formless and has appeared in form for us so that we may worship God easily. I do agree that the rituals and ceremonies are bound to be different, so it would be entirely up to you and your partner to decide on what you'd like to do. Again, IMHO if your partner does not interfere in your beliefs and lets you be, that itself would be a great blessing.

As for your second query on garlic, for the ritualistic meals - samaradhanai, festivals, amavasai et al, we don't use onion or garlic. But in every day cooking, adding onion/garlic is up to one's preferences and health situations.

I'm not very much mature in the ways of life, so I can't give you any info more than the generic things stated above. Wishing you the best in your partner search!

 

Hi Lakshmi,

I seriously doubt anyone sticks to such strict norms like worshipping only Vishnu or only Shiva and not the other, or very specific food habits anymore. Times have changed and people's lifestyles are not what they used to be. However, if you are so particular or fear that the other family would be so, then the best thing to do would be to clear any doubts at the very outset. Be clear about what you want and avoid any problems (however small) in the future. What cannot be avoided has to be endured, but it is best to check out whatever it is possible to before getting into a situation.

 

Ivlakshmi
Let me try to address ur concerns. As an iyengar unless u are married into families who are rigidly shaivaite either devi or Shiva..(and folks I have seen such families) where the puja of any other deity is not allowed in the house ..most Iyers worship all deities...and u should have no problem worshipping Vishnu or his avataras.

If following vaishnavism is important to you ..then while talking to the boy ..mention it...and watch for his reaction. Ofcourse remember that u will have to meet him half way..u cannot be one of those rigid Iyengars who will refuse to go to any shiva/murugan temple. Try to embrace the culture and traditions of his family while retaining urs.

About garlic and onion ....If eating without garlic and onion is important to you..please mention it to him as well. I personally dont cook with onion or garlic at home....The odor is just too strong for me .DH is on board with me about garlic but loves onion. So I cook with onions once in a while and he reserves it for occasions when we eat out.
There are ways u can manage to work these things out.The key thing being see if the person u are trying to marry is flexible and willing to accommodate ur preferences.

 

Dear IVL,
Both men and women make many changes in their lifestyle, food habits after marriage.
Maybe my DH has also made many adjustments after marriage which I am unaware of.
Finding a non garlic eating man in this day and age of fast-food joints, canteen/cafetaria food , hostel life could be difficult. You can keep garlic away from your kitchen if you wish.
Even if parents are strict many youngsters eat what ever they wish without their parents knowledge.
Men rarely bother about such things, even Pils will let you pray to your favourite God, you can include their Gods too.
One has to be flexible and not rigid in certain matters.Minor adjustments can lead to a lot of happiness.

 

Lakshmi

I love your name!! My moms name was lakshmi!. Dont worry too much on getting married. Focus on a career and be outgoing. Once you fall in love with yourself, your luck will also start to change.

Dont be too stressed out....Marriage doesnt guarantee happiness..get a good career, travel to places, meet new people...Enjoy yourself..

 

I understand your preferences and concerns but still feel, u need to be little more flexible. I think, you can find a common ground with prospective match, if both of you are flexible enough to adjust and accept.

 

I read your post and a few others and I agree with the other ladies.
I am an Iyer and basically my main deity from dad's place is MahaVishnu and on my in-law's side its Subramanya. And I pray to all gods. I believe in the supreme HIM - what ever form he is in. ut this is just my own thing.

I eat garlic and my in-laws hate it..lol. I pray to all gods while they prefer Shiva and they have their own Guru they prefer to believe in as the God among them. I am from a lot more open family, we like to travel, try new food, wear trendy clothes etc. But MIL is very traditional and I always get told I look better in sarees than anything else.

Most important thing here is my husband is neither religious nor does he believe in anything called restrictions when it comes to food and is happy as long I am presentable in what ever I wear.

So relax and am sure you'll work out these small things when you meet the right one. All the best.