Hi DH keeps annoying me always. Makes me irritated, cry, always. He ends up only when i say i am ok to give divorce. Though he has been doing this for long, he has not taken steps till date to work on the papers. Dont know why Can some one list the reasons( psychology) behind this ?
He just want you keep on crying. You need to show your courage and divert your mind and engage yourself busy in some activities. Talk less with him and share less . He will change immediately.
Perhaps it gives him a power trip. He feels better about his sorry self lf by putting you down. Look up emotional abuse online. You can only change your reaction. Try to get some counselling because when treated like this your self esteem plummets. One way of dealing with it is to discount everything he says and be dismissive about the nonsense he spouts. Don't engage with him when you know exactly where it will lead to. Most importantly keep your earnings and savings separately and out of his reach. Tie it up in investements like fd. Even if he's struggling for cash, don't offer any. He has to sort himself out.
Can you give me more tips on how to achieve this ? There are times where I have to spend and he makes me do it.
Allocate a budget for your monthly expenses and tie up the rest of your money in your name. Have an FD or an RD. It depends on your financial dynamics plus your ability to push back. It would vary for each person/ couple. Think about the unnecessary spends you feel you've been forced to do. Think about how you could have said no. What is the worst that could have happened if you had refused? If you said, I don't want to pay and walk away what could happen? Or if you say you don't have your purse? Read about emotional / financial abuse. There are lots of survivor stories. It could give you an insight into what goes on in your husband's mind... You will be able to figure out yourself what options you have in your particular situation if you get some counselling.
I see that you do not mention any children. Dont get pregnant. Go to a doctor, and get whatever that is necessary to prevent that. Pregnancy is not for marriages that are shaky. Take adequate precautions.
your post lacks specifics. Which context, you get irritated with him ? Finances, Parenting, Religion, In-Laws, Intimacy or Entertainment ? Which context ?
Op, Your husband seems to be an insecure man who gets power by making you bend.Next time, he fights do not say the D word. Say you are tired of making him feel good about himself by saying it. This verbal exchange shud be a lesson in itself. Strengthen yourself by making all accounts with your money into individual account. Don't fall into I need guilt trips.Good Luck.
OP, you react, that is where you go wrong. Plainly ignore, silence can be the most hurting reaction you can offer. You have to rather let go of the temptation to retaliate to maintain your own sanity.