Really Confused. How to deal with this woman !!!

Hi Ladies,

I am writing here after long time.Things were never good between me and my MIL but whatever wrong and rude things she had done ,I tried my best to forget and move on and nnot to give weightage to her actions.But recently I got to know from one of my cousin SIL that my MIL has bitched about me and made a bad name of me among the relatives.This is something that is bothering me because I was very nice with all of the relatives.She cries in front of them and say that she has got a very cunning DIL who has snatched away her son.She says she is in state of depression because of me ( And I was the oen who got so much stressed and went into state of depression and ven got fits )She has said such things like " Ye sara time apne mayeke padi rehti hai and mere pass rehti hi nahi"She lives at her mom's place everytime and dont want to spend time with us.As I live out of delhi because of my husband's job,so I divide the time frame for both in laws & parents whenevr I go to Delhi but my MIL behaves so bad with me ,keeps on taunting me everytime on some or another thing,will become rude without any reason,so I prefer to stay little more at my parents home.When she is not good to me & I know she doesnt like my mother at all,then why will I prfer to stay with her for max of my time ? Still I stay with her and tries my best to maintain calm at home by ignoring as much as I can.But the thing that is bothering me is that was this really worth it ? If she anyways has to pinpoint me and say to relatives that I am cunning & dont want to live with her despite I actually live with her help her in all households chores,she makes me cook almost everything without offering hand of help to me,then why did she say this?She came to stay with us for a week and I tried to be very normal & respectful towards her.Took her out for shopping & this is what I am listening from relatives in return that I am a shrewd,hypocrite & cunning girl? She has even said this that its her biggest mistake of life that she married her son to me. I am really not able to overcome with all this..Please help me with ur valuable guidance.

PS : My SIL who told me about her doesnt like her due to some personal differences but the things she told me ( i cant trust everything ) but yes many of them are true because she has also said such things to my DH like "she gives more importance to her mother than me "and much more.

One more thing that my MIL is behaving good with me in front of DH and has told me to come to delhi for my Birthday.My B'day is falling next week and I want to go to delhi also as my massi from aborad has also come after 3-4 years & and i want to celebrate it with my parents & my relatives but definitely not IL's ( Specially MIL ) after listening to all this ..How to avoid them being part of my celebration because I know as she hates my mom she will make rude faces & will not talk properly with her if we all go together for dinner.And I dont want to spoil my birthday because of this lady as she has already spoiled some important events earlier of my life

 

Hi Sahana,

Yes my DH knows evrything and no. of times he has made his mom understand that she has done wrong.For eg : He told her that she doesnt like my mom then how can she expects me to like her ?

Regarding the reason : Yes I know that the major one is she wants that I should keep minimum contact with my parents/relatives and she thinks my mom is a culprit who has polluted my mind against her which is totally untrue ..she has lots of insecurity and even she said this to my DH that Me & mom will snatch him away from her. No.of times I have tried to initiate and keep the relation cool n calm but she just doesnt wnt to.Problem with her is that she wants that evrythign she says I should follow that without thinking and should almost stop staying at my mom's home.
How cn this be possible?They are my parents and we are two sisters I being elder daughter also has some responsiblity to take care of them.I definitely cant stop being in touch with them!

 

I forgot to mention its my parents anniversary as well a day before my birthday & this time I m here in India so want to celebrate with them and I have to meet my massi as well because she has come to India after 3-4 years.a

 

Thanks for ur reply Sahana but why should we girls suffer ..My parents are the ones who have given me birth & I should not call them on my birthday ? with whom i have celebrated all my birthdays before marriage just for the sake that my MIL should be happy ??And I should tell her that I hate my mom ? Sorry dear but I strongly disagree with this.( I didnt mean to offend u ) but my thinking differs from u here.I can leave my MIL forever but cant hurt the mother who has given me birth ..this would be big injustice to her motherhood! ( even though if I pretend... though I cannot do that )