Ready To Vote?

meenasankaran · Nov 2, 2016

Presidential election is next Tuesday in the US. The date is tattooed in my heart and drilled in to my brain. I may forget to buy milk at the grocery store this week but I won’t forget what is at stake come next Tuesday. Thanks to my friends on social media educating me every day, I have never been more politically aware than I am today.

Guess where I am going with this? Probably not.

I have been looking for a different career lately. I change careers every decade in case you are wondering. Not that I didn’t enjoy poring over numbers all day long or teaching music to lovely children but I do like to shock my brain awake every now and then with a challenge. I looked at sports for a while but that was a dead end for me what with my body coming apart at the seams like a worn-out shirt. With its high potential for drama and low need for a strong physique, national politics seems to be the winner this time.

After careful study of the two major presidential candidates of this election, I find that I have all the qualifications required to run for President. What I lack, I am sure I will learn. While both candidates fascinate me to no end, Republican candidate Mr. Trump is the delicious icing on my new career cake.

A study of this man is such an education. His rise from business to politics seems to be based primarily on controversies. How delightful! It gives me such hope. Apparently, one doesn’t need leadership or intelligence or morality or even knowledge of global affairs. That is such a relief because I suck sideways on history.

Please do bear in mind while you read the following that I am an amateur in Politics still learning my ways. Here is what I think a Republican party candidate needs to bring to the table to be nominated for President. To qualify, one must:

1. Say outrageously insulting things about women and minorities, preferably on alternative days. This will help bring more supporters out from under the rock every day where they are hiding and help keep the Press focused on your one-of-a-kind mouth.

I admit that insulting people is not my strong point but with time, I believe I can learn to do this. With an awesome tutor like Mr. Trump out there, I don’t see how I can fail. If I promise to practice every day, will you endorse me next time around Mr. Trump?

2. Be an expert at slinging mud at their opponent because, come on, who will respect a President that doesn’t spew sewage at his or her opponent? By far, this seems to be the one quality that is most cherished by the GOP candidate and his supporters.

By the way, I am truly in awe of Mr. Trump’s usage of his twitter account to accomplish this. Every day, without fail, he flings mud or worse at Mrs. Clinton using pithy sentences on twitter. I don’t know if I’ll ever be as good at it as him but it will not be because I didn’t try. In high school, I once literally threw a ball of mud on a nasty girl after monsoon rains. I do have experience in this, you know.

3. Know how to talk the big talk. Nothing that must make sense logically or financially only that it should sound big and important. Like our Mr. Trump’s idea of building a big wall in our borders to keep the bad neighbors from walking in illegally. Oh, wow! That does sound very grand and big. No wonder so many people love him and want him in the White House for 4 years leading us. What a leader indeed!

If I want to have any chance of running a successful campaign like Mr. Trump, I must be smart and find something big like his wall idea to make ‘America great again’. Otherwise, it will all be hopeless and come to nothing.

My best strategy to be taken seriously is to play the race card generously in my campaign. When talk of racism comes and I hear heated debates of white versus black, I do feel left out. Brown matters too, you know.

If I promise to brainstorm and come with an equally endearing campaign like our Mr. Trump, hope I can get on the ticket next time around. Is it so wrong to want to be on national TV and participate in the most-televised debates ever where I can call people names publicly and know that no one will sue me?

Ready to vote?

beautifullife30 · Nov 2, 2016

Hilarious post!

Mr Trump walks away with the 'Worst Candidate' ever....

Maybe we should start rating him and commenting about his physique (heard he owns the Miss America)

Oh wait we build a statue of him......for being an inspiration to most people across world. I used to feel dumb when it came to public speaking and world affairs but after watching Mr Trump's inspirational speeches, i have changed my mind! I feel for once, "intelligent" n "smart"!

But yeah....mr Trump's speeches and antics beats all the saas bahu serials!

satchitananda · Nov 3, 2016

Love the oozing sarcasm, Meena. The unforunate part seems to be that he still seems to stand such a good chance of winning that the share market has started its southward journey.

Brown matters and Trump (and all politicians) better realize that. Why looks like even orange matters! How else would Trump stand a chance at the presidential chair?

Akanksha1982 · Nov 3, 2016

Lovely snippet Meena.

Trump has been interesting to say the least. Probably the lady luck has been on his side for long and still going strong. It seems he may win the election.

I don't get how stupid Hillary can be. She has been in government for so long and doesn't she realize that all her records can be searched? Hasn't she learnt from Nixon who taped all his conversations? Also, so many emails? even if she spends a minute on each email, that would still require years and years for handling those many emails. 13 phones in four years? does one need so many phones in four years? I think the conspirators are giving her too much credit that she is hiding something while she may just be dumb.

Viswamitra · Nov 3, 2016

Dear Meena,

You have inadvertently given an idea to various ethnic groups to form "Brown life matters", "Latino life matters", Hispanic life matters" and "Muslim life matters". Perhaps, all these groups will exist when you run for the President. In fact, you could come up with other ideas instead of wall. You could come up with your suggestions to avoid taxes, declare bankruptcy to deprive wealthy creditors, stop paying all the vendors so that middle-income group will go out of business, build an University to teach how to become a politician and never give away our ideas to them but take away all their life savings, build luxurious hotels and casinos that would lose a lot of money, declare social security and medicare eligibility null and void, notify all Americans that they are on their own with respect to healthcare, make it mandatory for all legislators and government officials to provide access to their email account to Russians and Wikileaks, reduce minimum wages to the historic levels, send military to all parts of the world to police what was going on and increase defense spending, build a large government with your family and friends, cancel all trade agreements until the entire world is on its knees to beg to do business with the US, establish 25 year treaty with Russia and cancel all other bilateral relationships with other western countries, bring the economy crashing, etc. Automatically, the immigration problem will disappear. There are more than one way to skin the cat.

You can also announce you are actively considering legislating against women, blacks, Muslims, Hispanics and Latinos from voting in the general election. Why waste your energy bad mouthing them? Your slogan should be "Take America back again". I hope this slogan doesn't give any idea for Brits to take it back. They are busy with their own Brexit strategy anyway.

Can you consider me on your ticket to run as Vice President? I am ready to defend your policies forever and give full credit to you that only You and no one but You know how to fix Washington D.C. Meena/Viswa ticket with vibrant policies might not only result in many American followers but also help immigrants to volunteer to leave on their own.

Viswa

Akanksha1982 · Nov 4, 2016

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Meena,

You have inadvertently given an idea to various ethnic groups to form "Brown life matters", "Latino life matters", Hispanic life matters" and "Muslim life matters". Perhaps, all these groups will exist when you run for the President. In fact, you could come up with other ideas instead of wall. You could come up with your suggestions to avoid taxes, declare bankruptcy to deprive wealthy creditors, stop paying all the vendors so that middle-income group will go out of business, build an University to teach how to become a politician and never give away our ideas to them but take away all their life savings, build luxurious hotels and casinos that would lose a lot of money, declare social security and medicare eligibility null and void, notify all Americans that they are on their own with respect to healthcare, make it mandatory for all legislators and government officials to provide access to their email account to Russians and Wikileaks, reduce minimum wages to the historic levels, send military to all parts of the world to police what was going on and increase defense spending, build a large government with your family and friends, cancel all trade agreements until the entire world is on its knees to beg to do business with the US, establish 25 year treaty with Russia and cancel all other bilateral relationships with other western countries, bring the economy crashing, etc. Automatically, the immigration problem will disappear. There are more than one way to skin the cat.

You can also announce you are actively considering legislating against women, blacks, Muslims, Hispanics and Latinos from voting in the general election. Why waste your energy bad mouthing them? Your slogan should be "Take America back again". I hope this slogan doesn't give any idea for Brits to take it back. They are busy with their own Brexit strategy anyway.

Can you consider me on your ticket to run as Vice President? I am ready to defend your policies forever and give full credit to you that only You and no one but You know how to fix Washington D.C. Meena/Viswa ticket with vibrant policies might not only result in many American followers but also help immigrants to volunteer to leave on their own.

Viswa
Click to expand...

@Viswamitra and @meenasankaran Is the Meena/Viswa ticket official? Can I do a write in on the ballot on Tuesday?

Kamalji · Nov 4, 2016

Dear Meena,
HAHA.I will vote for u, u sound a female incarnation of Mr. Trump, but with no wig and original hair eh ! im sure u would do well in UP elections a refreshing change from Mulayam and Maya.HAHA

Superb.

Regards
kamal

Balajee · Nov 5, 2016

For a presidential candidate you must first become Secretary of State and misuse that position to grant favours to the rich and (in)famous in return for millions for your family foundation. Also talk against terrorism on one hand and then arm terrorist groups liike ISIS on the other. Julian Assange's revealations have ripped Hillary apart and her moral high ground has come tumbling down. Trump is foulmouthed but at least he is brutally franki and tries his best to be an open book.

Thyagarajan · Oct 13, 2022

Enjoyed humour. Vitriolic.

meenasankaran · Oct 13, 2022

Apologies, once again, to all of you for showing up here so late. I totally agree. Even I am getting tired of my apologies.

Thanks @Thyagarajan sir for reviving this post. I am so glad you enjoyed the humor in it.

I so enjoyed all the fun, light-hearted responses to this post of mine. If we can't laugh at our politicians and their antics, life will be entirely too boring. Thanks everyone for playing along with me.