Rant Rant Rant - Am I expecting too much??

Anicham · Jan 12, 2014

As usual best place to Rant...

Recently my elder BIL daughter matured and its not at all in our custom to present any Gold as chithappa (my DH). If we go by custom then its Co-sister family who will be doing something that too its not mandatory to anything in Gold/huge.

But my MIL asked DH to present something in Gold (for the sake of show off). My MIL want to show off in front of my Co-sister's family. DH didn't even said single word and send money to buy watever they want. I have phoned Co Sis and asked how the function went...is everything okay...was the little one comfortable with heavy saree and the new costumes etc., She said function went very well (yes, thats what I want to hear ultimately, after all its my family too) and co-sis said 'my sister presented a silk saree...my mom bought silk skirt...and the little one also kind of okay...blah blah'

But she didnt even mentioned about what she bought in the money what we have send and didnt even show happiness for that or atleast she didnt even say thanks. :rant Her brother who needs to buy something for this function didn't buy anything at all and cleverly said 'my mom and me is not different'.

Every year DH will spend something for his brother family even for home repair (my MIL built), etc., etc., DH never stops me doing necessary things for my parents...I am 100% with him that he has clear responsibility to do everything for my MIL, but too much costly unnecessary gifts that too when it is take it for granted is not at all mandatory...

This is not the first time, last time when he went to India my DH presented something costly but she didnt even mention about that when I met her personally....I just got furious last time too...It was just causing unnecessary arguments btw me and DH..His brother is also earning good for the place wherever he is living...

I am not asking my DH to stopping it totally....but in future whenever its required for his brother's Kids education we can do it...if its become mandatory...just for show off we don't need to do it at all...

DH is keep on telling, "You aream expecting too much...and its not necessary they should be praise you (I am not expecting praising, but atleast she would have the courtesy to say what they have bought using the hard earned money sent by us). I am just doing for my Mom and Brother happiness...and I dont mind my Brother's wife...whatever she is telling or not..." I am just getting super irritated with this...:rant

Am I acting expecting too much?? Or Am I thinking as third class??

Just I am settling down after this post that I have shared my opinion to some close friend...

Kismet · Jan 12, 2014

Sorry don't mean to offend, but gifts in general and especially to family, should be given with love (which your husband seems to be doing) without expecting gratitude or formal thanks. Getting worked up about not receiving recognition for gifts given to family makes you come across as very egotistical and haughty IMO. It would be an issue if he only spent money in his side of the family and ignored yours, but you already said he doesn't do that. Chill and appreciate your husbands generous heart

Anicham · Jan 12, 2014

Thats true Kismet..I agree gifts should be general...but when She just explains whatever presented by her family...why cant she mention...atleast what she bought with the money we have sent??

Swasha · Jan 12, 2014

Dear OP,

Ask your co-sis what did she brought to the lil girl from your gift money, if it is a gold piece ask her to share the design with you.

Anicham · Jan 12, 2014

@Swasha: It seems she bought Aaram..later on the day my MIL told to my DH.

Onegoodlife · Jan 13, 2014

If it was me, I would definitely expect her to say what she bought. I feel happy when they say that. I don't think there is anything wrong in Expecting that especially when she bragged about what the people in her family gave.

thegirlygirl · Jan 13, 2014

Dear Op,

It is very natural for your DH to have affection for his niece, every niece is adored by her uncle, I have seen it many times, she is the apple of his eyes, in many families.

You're right that for this occasion the SIL's brother is supposed to present some gifts, but why do you bother about that? If he didn't do so, then it is their problem.

You're hubby out of love, has presented something to his dear niece. Moreover your MIL instructed him to do so, any obedient son would at once follow his mother's instructions without questioning her, and your hubby has done just that.........you should be proud of him!! He will treat you and your kids the same way dear, be assured of that.

And why don't you think that your MIL will do the same for your son/daughter when the occasion comes? It will all come back to you dear, don't worry.

You're completely right in feeling bad for your co sister to not have even mentioned of it. That was wrong of her.

Why don't you do one thing, ring her again casually after some days and start talking about the event again......and then start singing your husband's praises to her, about how he at once thought of buying something nice for her after hearing about the function, about how he wished you all were there, how he loves his niece and his brother and always wants to do something nice for them.............and then your co sister will be forced to utter some good words about him and you.