1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Raising Virtous Children

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, Mar 9, 2019.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,277
    Likes Received:
    18,309
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Richard Bach said, “One of the great cosmic laws, I think, is that whatever we hold in our thought will come true in our experience. When we hold something, anything, in our thought, then somehow coincidence leads us in the direction that we've been wishing to lead ourselves”. Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavathi” said the Scriptures meaning “As you think, so you become”. I am a big believer that our experiences relate to the way we think and by altering our thoughts, we can change our lives. Our consciousness is pure and unsullied and unaffected by the dictates of the worldly desires, it operates purely as a witness to everything and let the freewill function on its own. If we like the freewill to function in a certain way, we need to alter the way we think in a disciplined way. Our journey is not from birth to death but from food sheath to bliss sheath. That is why learned people put our senses and body at a lower level in the hierarchy (Sthula Sareera) and kept the mind, intellect and consciousness at the higher level (Sukshma, Kaarana & Mahakaarana Sareeras).

    When a child is born, the baby has a strong faith that love is primordial to everything seeing the love showered by its mother. We need to cultivate this as their mind develops into adolescent and adult life. For that listening, comprehension and practicing are essential. The parents inculcate principles and guide the children towards practicing those values and the teachers should teach how to build character and develop it. The children need to be taught to read moral stories, learn from the experiences of elders, be observant of the nature, serve the underprivileged and sick people with compassion and love. The children should be taught of the value of sacrifice in life. When the children develop their character, they need to be taught how to define, measure, analyze and control before they integrate their character traits. These processes help them to sustain the character throughout their lives. A child turning adult should be taught of moral values such as integrity, loyalty, responsibility, compassion, forgiveness, courageousness, perseverance, kindness, optimism, conscientiousness, honesty, respectfulness, humility, fairness, authenticity, generosity, politeness, lovingness, reliability and self-discipline.

    They need to be taught to meditate to learn to live in the present moment, how to inculcate values, emulate best practices in life, practice discipline, discriminate right from wrong and evolve to become virtuous. They need to build self-confidence for that purpose. Self-confidence can be achieved through challenging bad thoughts about self, taking care of body and mind, reducing stress to improve life’s quality, setting self-improvement goals, evaluating different perspectives, learning new things, surrounding them with good people, helping others, accepting themselves as they are and lastly remember the good things they have done forever. One can help others through improved verbal and non-verbal communication, by encouraging others, expressing themselves well, showing kindness, respecting privacy, learning how to promote a cause and by volunteering to provide a service regularly.

    The children need to be taught how to be healthy. They need to learn how to avoid extremes and excessive food, eat slowly and make it meditative, measure and use small plates/cups, be environmentally friendly and not to waste food, be knowledgeable how to balance diet, avoid eating too much at once and plan meals and stick to the plan regularly. Lastly, the children need to be taught how to develop inherent happiness. Happy children are the contributors to the society. They need to learn how to deal with their past mistakes and forgive themselves, be optimistic about the future, remain in flow state and be mindful always, understand the value of positive emotions, focus on virtues, be aware of their strengths, create meaning to their own lives and become selfless to practice altruism. They need to understand that life is a gift to cleanse themselves and their internal journey plays a critical role in shaping their lives.
     
    Loading...

  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    32,600
    Likes Received:
    25,257
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Awesome post. You have narrated very well about bringing up children and covered all the points

    Till the age of 5 years they need care and love. That is their foundation. Later they learn everything from the family. It depends on their upbringing also. When they enter the teens it's a crucial time and we.should watch them so that they go in the right path

    When they grow up also they are children for the parents. Some people feel we should not advice at that time. But I feel we should advice them at that time they might not like but when need arises they think of our advice and follow.

    This is my experience. I am not talented like you.
     
    Anusha2917, Viswamitra and girvani like this.
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,277
    Likes Received:
    18,309
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Vijiakka,

    Thank you for your first response and for finding this snippet of mind worthy of nomination for the FP. When I get your response first, I get a lot of response and your nomination itself is invaluable for me.

    Regarding talents, I wish I knew everything I know now to raise my son. What I have narrated here are less of what I did and more of what I failed to do and realized my mistake later. Your experience is invaluable and you have raised three wonderful children already.

    Regarding giving advice after they grow up, yes, we can share our views and they will make their own informed decision after evaluating our suggestions or recommendations.

    Viswa
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  4. girvani

    girvani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    922
    Likes Received:
    2,677
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    My dearest Viswa uncle

    Thank you ever so much for this post. As a mother to two young kids, your guidelines is so important to me. I will refer to this again and again. To be honest, some of them I myself is going to learn to make me a better person. Thank you so much uncle.
    Love,
    Vani
     
    Anusha2917 and Viswamitra like this.
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,277
    Likes Received:
    18,309
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    My Dearest Vani,

    You are most welcome. It makes me feel so good when you say you are going to use this as a guideline for your children. Regarding you, like what @Srama said earlier, we are all work in progress and we constantly become better person today when compared to yesterday.

    In fact, I have created a very comprehensive curriculum for the children in our spiritual center and I will be glad to share that with you through email. It is a PPT. I am planning to create detailed lesson plans for each aspect mentioned in the curriculum over several years. I shared it with the region and they decided to post it in their website and I contacted the national coordinator and he has requested me to create module for online Human Value classes. It is a privilege and honor to be useful to the next generation of children.

    Viswa
     
    Anusha2917, girvani and satchitananda like this.
  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,621
    Likes Received:
    2,878
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Your post made me hesitate but I do disagree a little. Looks like you have a virtuous child and proud of it. Congratulations. But that outcome is combination of luck, personality, parents personal vibe with the child and many many more factors not just what you listed here. I know many parents who did all you listed and much more but their outcome was not so great.

    Yes as parents we want the best for our children and you have given a good guide for interested parents to follow. We parents can only control what is in our hands. But parents should know that outcome is not guaranteed. Parenting is one of the hardest things we undertake and can’t be reduced to a how to guide. That is kind of where I disagree with this post.

    A famous poet has summarized this much better than I can so I will let his words speak for me.
    ————
    On Children
    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    -Khalil Gibran
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2019
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,277
    Likes Received:
    18,309
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    @1Sandhya,

    Thank you for quoting my favorite Khalik Gibran's poem in response to my thread. Every time I read this poem I nod my head in affirmation. The children come through us not from us. In fact, I would even go one step ahead and consider a child as a gift and myself as a custodian of this precious gift. In my case, he is truly a gift from God. Frankly, I had nothing to contribute for my son's character development. That is a biggest regret I ever have in my life. It was all my wife who kind of understood his needs and made him to become what he is today. If I had to wait to write about the virtuous children only after I raise a perfect child, I need to wait for many lives to do so. Every child comes with strengths and weaknesses and there is no perfect child.

    For lack of better terms, I can only say the list I have provided as aspiration/wish list of a parent who didn't do good parenting. I am only doing postmortem of what I could have done better. To be more specific, I was preparing a curriculum for teaching character development for the children who attend our spiritual center and these are the topics I have chosen to develop lesson plans. I can't claim this is a comprehensive list. There is so much to learn from every parent in this world and I am the last person to claim that I raised a perfect child.

    But one lesson I have learned by watching my son growing up. The environment, the way he thinks and how happy he is, determines how he evolves in future. I learned I can only place the seed in terms of values and what he becomes is not in my hands. Each one of us try our best as you rightly said "We all wish the best for our children". My wife used to jovially say to my son, "you have not come with a manual". We all start from the clean slate.

    Viswa
     
    Mistt and GeetaKashyap like this.
  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    2,673
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Viswamitra,
    Because it is not a spiritual topic I want to give a feed back.
    Guidelines that you have put forth are excellent. I wish every parent puts them in practice and the result is a virtuous child and world would be a better place.
    Every parent, without an exception wants their child to be virtuous. They put their best efforts. But do they always succeed? I do not think so. So many pieces of a zigsaw puzzle have to come to the right place. Because children have a mind of their own, so many factors in the environment or circumstances change them.... For both good and bad. So, parents can only try their level best and leave rest to destiny.
    Parents bring up all their children alike but do they shape alike?Not always.
    We love our children equally and are always there for them. Why our children, even we brothers and sisters are not alike. Everyone's personality is different. Love is the only bond which unites us.
    No parent is perfect and the same applies to child. Your son has been taken care of his mother when you were busy. Now both parents working full time... Together they do child rearing.
    Syamala
     
  9. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,605
    Likes Received:
    11,283
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    That's quite a comprehensive blueprint for raising model citizens Viswa. Another thought-provoking snippet from you.

    A man went to a famous sage and said, "Guruji my son is addicted to sweets. He demands to eat sweets every single day and if we refuse he screams and cries and becomes inconsolable. We are finding it very difficult to handle him." The sage thought for a little while and told the man to come back after three months. After three months when the man went back the sage advised him in depth about handling his son's sugar addiction. The man thanked him profusely and just before leaving he said, "Guruji can I ask you something? The advice you have given me today is invaluable but you could have told me this three months ago. Why did you ask me to wait?" The sage replied, "Son when you first approached me I myself was addicted to sugar. How could I teach what I didn't do myself? Had I advised you then they would have been nothing more than empty words. I took the last three months to overcome my own sugar habit."

    I don't remember accurately but I think my father told me this story. It has been my one paragraph child rearing manual. Monkey see, monkey do is a fairly accurate description of how children learn good habits and values. They absorb the cues they receive from their parents' behavior. When they see parents respect each other they learn respect. When they see dads share chores at home they learn equality. When they see parents volunteer in the community they learn social responsibility. How many parents lament their children's addiction to electronic devices while dad or mom mindlessly scroll through their cell phone at the dining table? Raising well-adjusted, virtuous children is as simple as it is hard. Easy because it doesn't require manuals or strategies. Hard because parents must embody the behavior they want their children to assimilate and emulate. The best we can do is to live a life of virtue and model our values in our day to day life. If we set a good example, with a little bit of luck, our children will hopefully willingly follow in our footsteps.
     
    Afresh, kaniths, Mistt and 8 others like this.
  10. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    32,600
    Likes Received:
    25,257
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Well said Gauri.I have finished mynominations otherwise would have e nominated. Some things which youhave stated were in my mind too.

    As parents we have to show good example to the children. If mother scolds father should not interrupt ,same when father scolds.They should understand that whatever parents say are for their own good.
     

Share This Page