Questions For My Husband That I Cant Really Ask

How old is your kid? Are you emoloyed? Is your sil married? Getting parents to usa on visitor visa is easy, but GC takes time. What stage are you in?
Your mil is smart in manipulating, its hard for you to do the same without experience. Men have this natural instinct instilled to take care of aging parents. He can move them to usa. But without your help,its tough for him to succeed.

 

OP - you are not alone . Many women must be facing the same situation. I very much agree with the comment above. It's natural to feel dismayed and hurt but the more you show your insecurity , the more benefit others will take of you . You should keep your enemies closer and learn their tactics too. Why don't you do the same ? Buy a nice gift for both your MIL and SIL during sale season ( this is the best time for this ) and tell your husband you have got expensive gifts for them .You will kill 2 birds with 1 stone. You should take the first action.There is no point in complaining or fighting . You will definitely end up being the villain ( in your words ) if you do so. Men always favor their side of the family. Don't be dejected . Act smart.Once your husband gets convinced that you think like he does ( please fake a little) , you will get what you are seeking. Sadly , Indian society doesn't allow DILs to be honest. One has to be manipulative for our own good .

 

Agree with @Deborah completely .

If you want control over the gifting....take control.

Shop for them over the year. Get to know what they want and like and look for good deals.

This way you are considerate and money wise too.
Let husband know you are buying things for them.

Concentrate on investing for your family 's future.
House, insurance,college fund,retirement fund. If possible in joint na!e with you bet at least on his name.

 

Hi goahead,

Most of the women face this situation.... Well we have been taught to be submissive and always take care of everyone....

A woman to be carefree and full of life and energy and bubbling with positivity, aww well we all love that in books and movies.... In reality, things are different....

Whatever your husband or anyone makes you feel, dont give in.... dont think a lot about that.... engage yourself in some hobby that you enjoy, never mind whether you succeed or not....

Life isnt about pleasing everyone, even if it means your husband....

 

Since you said giving to them isn't gona break your bank, then demand the same for yourself. Sil gets one jewellery, u get one too. She gets cash, u get too. Her kids get stuff, ur kids does too.

Make him invest in retirement funds, any good investments, properties, insurance policies, education funds, marriage funds n whatever funds u can think of on yours, your hubbies n your children's name.

Make sure you have separate bank accounts for you n children n money gets deposited every month to safe guard all your future n you alone handle the whole banking of this. Let him not have a track of how much is getting saved here, to protect from your mil.

Us saying "no" for anything in regards to his parents n siblings will only come to bite our backs. Rather play it smart, be a strategist rather than a villain. You get done more that way.

Tell him you will stop all your no's, arguments, fights n won't stop him from giving to his parental family if you both can talk n come to an agreement, like he has to either
- let you take over the whole gifting part n let you control the amount that's going out
- If you can't stop that, make sure he's spending "equally or more" for his family (spouse n kids) too.

 

@Goahead your DH is giving gifts to your SIL and her kids. There's no way to stop him. You've tried.

His gifts won't break your bank, but your objections are chipping away at your relationship.

Stop objecting to the gifts. You are giving away marital harmony and domestic peace by fighting over this. Accept that you can't stop him. Let him build and maintain the relationships with his family. You focus on strengthening your marital bond and family ties.

Your MIL is a fool if she thinks she doesn't need to bond with you. There's more to life than money and she'll find that out soon enough. Ignore her.

Why are your parents still giving gifts? Ask them to stop. You're not getting any credit for it anyway.

Focus on your nuclear family. Do the things that make you happy. Ignore the rest.

Good luck, @Goahead!

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Actually mistake is from ur husband side he should b smart and understand what is happening ...no use of thinking about mil ...if ur husband understands everything will come to conclusion...for this 10 yrs u should make ur husband understand .....just explain ur husband poiletly and make him understand.

If ur in laws come and settle here that’s all finished..before they r coming make ur husband understand.

 

This is sad. This will turn DIL into monsters like their in-laws...

 

Simple 4.5 years of the hell you lived I suffered and I made a change. I removed myself once from contact completely. I saw my husband provided his Credit Card to his leech sister who owes him 26 lakh already and now since 2011 they still have not paid him back! That was the ultimate limit after years of poop from my husband not handling. I left the group on WhatApp when I found out. Then he didn't want to--- and was forced to tell the truth of how miserable our marriage has been when I threatened to speak to them with no sugar on my words. He tells them his version of course NEVER the cruel ways he spoke to me during that time I'm sure. He grew angry since at 4.5 years he told the truth I have been begging for all that time---- he thought I would return to talking to them since they wanted to "resolve". I won't fall for that trap, they didn't change in over 4 years and I was an AMAZING DIL he kept telling me how much they liked me yet they did so much to burden my husband $$$$$$$$ which also burdens me and how he limited me $$$$$$$ but no limits on them. This they don't know, he won't say how horrible he was but how I suffered to a degree because of these things.
You need to cut them off. Do not try to separate him from his family. But he will notice there will be less fights because you will no longer be involved socially with them anymore. No more micro-managing how I mingle with them, nothing was EVER enough it was bloody stressful, I cried every month of every year for the same poop. No more! Your life is important and I don't remember reading if you have kids, but kids or not I would have done the same thing.