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Quality of life

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    [FONT=&amp]What becomes a driving force to accomplish something that I aim to do also becomes a burden for me at some point in time. I always wonder whether it is ever possible for me to carry out my mission successfully without having a sense of pride that I have the potential to accomplish the mission. The motivation and inclination to do something or drive to sustain the effort without lagging behind comes from my self-confidence. Often self-confidence and sense of pride appear to be similar and I am unable to differentiate. “I can do it” is self-confidence and “If I can’t, who can?” is sense of pride. Even though they appear identical, there is a subtle difference between the two.
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    [FONT=&amp]Whenever I read of subatomic particles, the scientists talk about the particle appearing when observed. I believe my Ego is quite opposite. When I observe carefully it disappears behind something nice I possess making me believe I don’t have it. But when I stop observing, it not only reappears but begins to function with full vigor. Frankly, the only way to observe my ego is to see it through the prism of someone else’s eyes because whenever I observe someone, their ego appears first for me before their great qualities. By carefully analyzing the words of wisdom of people around me and their observations, I can figure out how to conduct my own introspective surgery on this disappearing object like a microscopic surgery. In fact, my ego is the only one that doesn’t have a mass and hence I feel the pressure of it only when identified by other people around me.
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    [FONT=&amp]The second major issue that I encounter often is the feeling of anger. The closer the people and larger my expectations about them, this emotion dominates me. The anger I have for people who makes no difference in my life has very little impact in my life but the anger I have for people who are my kith and kin has a substantial impact on me. It creates a deep sense of conflict in my mind with anger on one side and love on the other. Until this conflict is resolved, I lose my peace of mind. Understanding, caring, giving and forgiving come handy to resolve these issues. Anger is like darkness that comes out of expectations and when we throw light at it, it disappears. If anger shown results in substantial impact in my life, the anger suppressed creates much more havoc in my mind. Therefore, elimination becomes absolutely essential.
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    [FONT=&amp]Comparing myself with others cause significant amount of endless analysis in my mind. Always my mind compares me only with someone who it perceives as very successful. It creates a great sense of resentment in me and a feeling of jealousy creeps in. It is important I understand my capabilities clearly and hence I should know what I could accomplish. The focus has to be to learn something I am interested in and use the full potential I possess than focusing on something I can’t build. I have to learn to benchmark myself against who I was before than comparing myself with others.
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    [FONT=&amp]The concept of hatred occurs only when there is a conflict created in my mind about a set of principles my mind adapts vigorously and someone else has a different set of principles. Understanding each person drives his/her life based on that person’s personal experience helps in not developing hatred. It is not the individual who creates a stalemate in my life but it is my emotions inside of me about him/her that results in conflict and hatred. How I drive my life is entirely in my hands and no one else can influence it unless I let their thoughts influence me. If it does, it only shows my weakness than the weakness of the other person.
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    [FONT=&amp]The purpose of my education and experience is to develop my character. If I lose anything else, I can gain it back but not my character. It is not like having a shower to purify my body. I have to constantly work on my mind to cleanse it through introspection in order to purify my mind until it shines with added luster. My quality of life is entirely in my hands.[/FONT]
     
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  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Viswa dear a thought provoking post which covers everything which is there and required in our life. We should have self confidence but should not have pride. Pride will make us feel that only we can do things and others cant do it. People who have pride in what they do dont have the heart to appreciate others. Might be because they feel only they can do or they must be jealous that the other person can do.

    I feel people who are egoist also dont appreciate others, in fact they try to find fault in others. Here also the reason might be they are not able to do like them or the feeling how that person did that when they are not so smart. These people dont realise that by experience anyone can learn, earlier they might not have been smart but by experience they become smart and become better, later they become best which the egoistic person cant digest
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    True with people who are close we expect a lot from them and when our expectations from them are not fulfilled we get angry. But we cant thrust on anyone to like us or do something according to our will. The more we love someone the more we expect from them. When what we expect we dont get we get disappointed and that makes us angry.

    Viswa dear I feel you read my mind and have written what I feel regarding comparison. But I wont be able to write like how you write but I am proud of you and not jealous because each one has some talent and some are able to show their talent and some dont know to show their talent and when others are smarter than them it makes them unhappy and makes them feel jealous of the other person
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    I think I have written a long feedback, so let me stop here because I dont know whether I have written proper feedback, whatever came to my mind I wrote.
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  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    @jayasala , Jayakka dear I was thinking whether my feedback made sense or not but so happy to get a like from you, thanks very much Jayakka.
     
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  4. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Viswa,
    What a great snippet of self analysis-of ego, anger, jealousy and hatred which haunt everyone on various occasions and simultaneously too sometimes.Now a days self assessment is a part of confidential report.70% success is reached, once we realise our failings and make progress in working on it,it is said.
    Sometimes our assessment about ourselves go wrong until some one else points out.
    What we have been thinking about ourselves as good, might be considered by others as totally menacing and devastating. It might be exactly the opposite of the way we pictured about ourselves.

    I
    It is very important to assess oneself as whole and not some failing aspects like anger,hatred etc individually.
    One may have so many failings;but over all they are all successful because they are able to match their failings with the strengths of somebody else.That is why many marriages where the couple do not concur in anything ,proves to be a great success.

    The most important point of self assessment is one should not let others tell who you are .You have to keep the score board yourself, and it should include the good, bad and ugliest aspect of yourself.
    Many people think that the quality of work we do speaks for itself.On many occasions we find that the quality of our relationships prevails over the work we do.May be there will be a time when you cannot prove yourself by the quality of attainments.All our knowledge and mastery may become of 'nil' importance on a few occasions, when we have complex relationship with others either in the family or business.
    Amidst anger, jealousy and hatred we have to develop a sense of comfort amidst discomfort and cultivate a sense of entertaining and enjoying the conflicts.
    In the digital world we have too much of logic, data and facts.But ingenuity lies in the illogical interpretation of data when we are at achieving certain goals.

    There are people who theoretically may know different aspects of managing love, anger, hatred etc etc and one may be capable writing personality Development books also. But they will be a total failure in real life situations .
    It is not enough if you know to assess your weakness and accept the same and regret for the same.It is all the more essential how we are going to transform the hurdles into stepping stones for success.

    On many occasions, plunging into problems and facing them is much easier than analysing our strengths and weaknesses.Too much analysis is a paralysis.
    Jayasala 42
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vijiakka,

    Your responses always make a lot of sense to me. In fact, I read all your threads and posts with keen interest and some I post responses but others I digest and learn something out of it. Many times, it is difficult to differentiate between self-confidence and self-pride. I also believe my ego is easily identifiable to others than myself. If that is the case, I feel why not I use that facility rather than breaking my mind which is never going to help me find my ego.

    Expectations are always higher with people who are closer to us. Therefore, anger is more when they fail to meet the expectations. Letting the expectations go help us let go of the anger as well. Jealousy stems out of comparison. Each person in this world have unique capabilities why should we worry about the capabilities of others when we have one of our own? We should only understand the capabilities of others to learn from it rather than feeling a sense of disappointment in not having it.

    Please continue to give feedback to me and I can't explain in words how helpful it is to me.

    Viswa
     
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  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Smt. Jayasala:

    I always enjoy reading your thoughtful feedback.

    Absolutely true. I have experienced it more often than not that what others pointed out as my weakness I was thinking as my strength.

    I understand this perspective. One shortfall might be compensated by another strength. I am only concerned about complacency in not eradicating the weakness thinking about other strengths. I would appreciate if you share your thoughts on that.

    My policy on this is not to differentiate between digital world and real world and analyze all data the same way. Other than my ID, everything is the same in both worlds.

    I agree completely. It is no good knowing so much if I don't put it into practice. Transformation is an automatic process that should begin as a follow up of learning my weaknesses. But without recognizing weaknesses, there is no scope for transformation. Sometimes, identification of weakness itself is a problem.

    I agree, I can't wait to fix my issues before jumping into life. I am learning on the job of living everyday. There is no time elapse between analysis and implementation. This kind of exchange of thoughts help me substantially. I would never come to know invaluable thoughts of the members here without writing something here.

    Viswa
     
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  7. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Viswa sir,

    Contemplation helps. But contemplation on why I behave the way I do perhaps will fetch more answers. Usually with myself I have noticed that when I am angry if I pause to think not the reason that caused the reaction but the reason in me, it seems to help me better. Slowly I am able to apply this to various reactions and I seem to soften and as the process continues I also feel I am able to understand the other person better and invariably this always almost somehow evokes a sense of empathy and even to a certain extent love in me. I am not exaggerating but I have to confess it is not easy, not at all easy. That I can assure you. It takes me weeks and sometimes even months to get over the feelings without actually developing a sense of indifference but actually developing a sense of understanding and love. Of course carrying out our routine activities with a sense of duty and nothing else helps. And I love this quotation and believe in it truly, no matter what we know, where we come from or where we want to go -

    "'It's impossible', said pride,
    'It's risky', said experience,
    'It's pointless', said reason,
    'But, give it a try', whispered the heart.'"

    It has helped me many a time. I guess what I am saying is when done with heart vs mind, pride and other things take a back seat. I may not be right.

    I am not sure why I always feel after I write that perhaps I wrote something else while you were talking of something. But there it is!
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sabitha,

    It is fascinating to understand how you address issues differently than the way I do. To get such responses only, I write snippets here and this one served its purpose in getting such a wonderful response. Studying reaction than what caused it definitely helps as it is our reaction that causes more damage to our peace than the cause of it. I love your quote. In the battle between the mind and the heart, if the heart wins, everything we do gets tainted with love. Love is like a light and dark qualities disappear without a trace when there is light.

    As you said understanding comes easier than using this principle. But it is our determination that helps us to reach where we want to go. I am learning something new everyday and today is no exception.

    Viswa
     
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  9. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Viswa Sir... as usual a wonderful thread and I learn a lot from your thread.
    I have nothing to add to it as there are many responses given already by others.
     
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  10. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear V sir,

    Thank you for your understanding. It just confirms to me that perhaps the way I am looking at may not be wrong after all. That assurance always helps. And thank you for your words.
     
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