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Purpose Of A Wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by BhumiBabe, Dec 18, 2017.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    So true, things have changed for the worse...patriarchal society will turn everything around for its own benefit, even women's liberation. All our education/learning goes in vain if we don't even have courage to stand up and ask for fair distribution of responsibilities, so we should try to change that.




     
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  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think purpose of husband/wife is same... build a lifelong partnership of trust , friendship, reliability, sharing of common interests, and most importantly, feeling of true love-commitment and willingness to make sacrifices for each other.(and that doesn't include demanding one party to make sacrifices only, rather both have mutual feelings to adjust with and serve each other- if they both have the motivation-then marriage will sustain).Also, to be good parents together, if they have kids.

    Equal division of chores is ideal but may not be possible , eg. one person may be working harder in office/ looking after outside things like driving, plumbing, but both should try for fair division of chores and responsibilities. And one has to throw away the concept of gender-based chores because that is causing maximum rift in marriages.

    If both love each other, then they can easily adjust with time and purpose of wife/husband is solved. But problem comes when older generation interfere, neither they understand the modern changed scenarios nor their feelings are objective towards the DIL/Son-in-law. .
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  3. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    This is more accurate view! Wife's duty is increased!

    This topic reminds me, the article I read few years back...Many may have read about popular Tamil author Sujatha's (Rangarajan) wife interview long after his death. She said something like, I was a lonely, sad house wife and the author wasn't the same person in his real life.... even though his stories/movie dialogues were upbeat and supporting women, his personal life was traditional brahmin family. Sujtaha fans became furious and it became very controversial topic, 'confused widow at her lonely old age was tricked' to give such an interview.

    Probably, I will tell the same about my (marriage) life in 20 years from now!

    As my son describes, "mom doesn't even know the cage is open, she is free to leave / cooped up inside so long, didn't even want to leave the cage" when I refused to try many things in life. He may be right, is it the Stockholm syndrome?

    Marriage comes with certain ties and cannot break away from it. It is not the husband or wife's fault.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  4. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Forgot to include a disclaimer: Being a rotten apple has its own set of challenges and struggles . Might not be ideal for all situations and may not work for everyone. I wouldn’t judge the good apples too, they make good cider. But excercise caution before you go all rotten !
    Maybe create new norms one at a time . Start off with praising his Maggi making skills. And stop feeling guilty .





     
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  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Haha off to hell in a handbasket ! Let’s pickup @nandinimithun and @ChennaiExpress on the way. CE wants to barbecue , let’s try some lamb chops :wink:

     
  6. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    @Sandycandy
    Sure babes, waiting.... pick me up and lets have fun in hell:grinning:

    Will help in barbecue, but wont have chops, am a veggie @Sandycandy....

    Lets go to a place where a woman is accepted as she is, not judged or passed any rude comments at.... where a woman can breathe, think and live without any fear....
     
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  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    In a nutshell, the purpose of a wife, (or husband) is to give companionship to their spouse. Companionship may vary depending on the individuals' view point. But in general, it is all about giving physical, emotional, and financial companionship to live together, and run the family that they both created together.
    Depending on these individuals' strength as well as weakness, the type and amount of contributions may vary. Again, it is a matter of living together and accept each other as who they are. Then only you know what are their strengths and weaknesses.

    Eg: I can earn well, and contribute to the family's finances so easily. But I can't stay at home or do the stuff that is expected from an average married woman.
    On the other hand, my H has difficulties with his profession, which in turn affect his earning capacity. But he can patiently spend ample time at home, overseeing the maids and domestic workers (driver, gardener) and also running errands.
    This way, our finances are unaffected. Our kids have at least one parent nearby at any given time, and we have set up external resources to fill the gaps.
    We do not fit into the general H & W standards as per our community, but we accept the fact that one size doesn't fit for all. So, we are happy with what we have, and we work towards our strengths, to complement each other's weaknesses.
     
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  9. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    One young man I had chatted with (not up) at a desi potluck party told me that he couldn't be honest in a girl-dekko, and get to his ideal wife. Naturally, I wanted him to say more. And I said :confundio1: "Por qué no?" He must've had a couple of drinks already... so he went on.
    His need for a wife is to afford a nicer flat, a better car, and an overall ritzier life. He felt that if he has to pay all those EMI's for house, car, and other ritzy stuff, he'd have nothing left to live well enough. So the need for a wife, who'd make at least as much money as he does, but not too keen on children. But then, honestly divulging his wishes might send the signal that he's nuts/crazy, and all potential proffers might be withdrawn. And he's had a couple of experiences of just such a loss of good opportunities for profitable mergers with employed women.
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't think he is wrong.
    My own bro - who earns really good, expected for a wife who should be willing to stay at home, and look after the home forever.
    He needed to be pampered and cared for, so that he could focus on his employement and business all the time.
    Also, he knew that he can't be a full time parent, so he expected his wife to be able to contribute her 100% to the home and kids down the line.
    Having his priorities clear, he looked for girls who are less educated, less career oriented, and more of dependent, so that he gets the wife he dreams of.
    My SIL is not a professionally qualified woman, so having to sit at home forever is not a compromise on her part. Even if she is not married, she would have been sitting at home anyway, as career is never her choice. This way, she is happy.
    She is dependent, but that's not something she is worried about. In fact, my bro is happy about the fact that she is a home maker, and dependent on him, so he pays her a lumpsum for that.
    She focus on the home and kids, so that she can kill her time meaningfully. My bro is very much relieved that his home is fully cared by someone trustworthy, so he helps her by appointing domestic helpers to ease her work like nannies, maids, and cook.
    So in a way, both parties are happy and satisfied.

    Had my bro married a professionally qualified woman, and then expected her to quit so that she meets his expectation, then it would have been a problem down the line.
    Had a fully dependent SAHM (like my SIL) married to a middle class man, and expected supports like maids, luxurious home etc from him, then that would also be a problem too. Because middle class men need support from their wives to build their homes and families, so that they meet the cost of living for a decent life.
     

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