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Provide me mental support

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anithadevis, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. anithadevis

    anithadevis New IL'ite

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    There was some problem between me and my husband.We are not speeking for the past 3 months.He is in abroad.I do not know how it is going to end.
    But my problem is here i am always thiking about future what will happen?
    i am also working so that not abile to concentrate on my work.

    Always thinking about something and totally frustrated.

    Not abile to concentrate on my work

    please provide me mental suggestion

    Thanks
    Anitha
     
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  2. vchelluri

    vchelluri Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Anitha,
    I don't know what actually is going on between you and your husband but it seems to be a serious issue as both of you are not talking to each other since 3 months. It will definitely eat your mind until you got to discuss with your husband.
    Try to solve the issue in a cool way and take the initiation to drop a mail first and wait for his response or else try to call him and talk on phone.
    Express to him that you doesn't want the issue to be dragged and not willing to increase the gap between both of you. And request him in a cool and appealing manner and invite him to solve the issue together for your betterment of love life.

    All the best.

    Latha.
     
  3. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    communication is very important that too when u stay away from ur spouse.. call and talk to him in an appeasing manner...do apologize though u havnt done anything wrong. write down the points that u gonna talk and appease him step by step.. 3months a big time..dont know how its possible for u guys.. anyway, better late than never... talk to him.
     
  4. Subhaganesh

    Subhaganesh Gold IL'ite

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    i will advice u to talk to him,
    3 months is very very long gap? that too u both staying far, don't u or ur husband bother on the other end whats going on??
    please dear talk to him frankly and try to solve the problem... i really don't know who made the mistake and all
    but i would recommend you to take further step, even the mistake is on his side......
    life has to move on, very long gap, this will make u both feel that u both can stay like this in the rest of the life...
     
  5. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,
    Even if you are not in talking terms, what if you take the first step to talk. After all, its your life. In another way said, you can talk to him for your mind to be at peace, thinking as a sort of selfishness on your part too.

    So take the first step. You should never sit for months without talking. You know what men are like. This is wrong on your part even if he has made a mistake.

    Try speaking to him whoever did the mistake.

    Talk to him in a cool, gentle, pleasing tone and manner and tell whatever it is you want to be with him.
    The sooner, the better.

    All the best. God bless you a happy, peaceful married life.
     
  6. anithadevis

    anithadevis New IL'ite

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    Hi Subha,

    thanks for ur kind reply.I have talked him3 or 4 times.He did not spoken anything.He simply asked anything important.that'it.

    Actually there is no attachement between us.He did not have 1% also maturity.He has married myself only for money which i was earning.He used speek as very excellent guy.When comes to action there no 1% love also.
    I said to my parents,I Could not stay this marriage at all.He is very cunning and his body is full of poison.

    Whatver we will speek he will give negative reply.I did not find single minute also peace when i was staying with him.

    He want money and Sex from myself.When i was pregnant it self i had begged him please leave me.
    I could not abile to manage you.I will became mad if i live with you.There is no straight thinking anything in personal matter.Ellame kutharkama than think panrathu.(I hope u understand tamil).

    Always he will say to his parents for simple things.Then they will eat my parents brain.Two months back also happend like this.Then my parents said "let her die instead of getting bad words from u people".After that only they shut up thiere mouth.

    I do not like him 1 % also.

    Right now my problem is i should not think about future always.i have to concentrate on my work that's it.
    I can grown up my kid very wel with help of my parents.Instead of living this fellow.

    Always threatening me like if u go u will face more problem in life etc etc (civil case criminal case mathiruven etc etc)

    No compromise at all

    I hope u can understand my pain.

    While writing reply also i am getting tears from my eyes.Why god gave me this much bad people around me

    thanks
    Anitha
     
  7. anithadevis

    anithadevis New IL'ite

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    hi tinku,


    I tried talk to him 4 times he did not speaking.when pongal festival also i had called to him.He is speeking with iritation i had cried like anything.Getting scare to speek to him.

    He wil do whaever he want.He is expecting like i should speek more than two words.Whatever he wil ask i have to answer .

    His paretns also not good.They are expecting more dowry .

    I got fed up with this guy.I have to be alert every sec.I could not find any relax when i was staying with him.Even he wil not drom me in bus stop that too very late night while going to native.No words from heart.
    Eveything from brain only.Realy getting scare by thinking next minute itself.

    He wil think critically in simple problem also.Whatever i will speek he will give negative reply.

    There is no mutual understanding and attachement.He is expecting me to behave as village girl.
    How can i .I had completed M.Sc degree and working in one software concern.

    his body is ful of poison.from drinking water to sleelping in bed itself i should be very alert.

    I am not abile to manage him.I am so lovable and adjustable girl.He is analysing and telling me each and every second.Your r like this ,like this etc

    I have to concentrate on my work and my baby .I can stand my own leg instead of staying with this fellow.

    Thanks
    Anitha
     
  8. anithadevis

    anithadevis New IL'ite

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    hi Riyagan,

    Me also understand it is very difficult to stay without speeking more than months if ther is love.There is no love things wil be like this,

    I did not do any mistake.there is no lovable attachement between us.

    Ours is arranged marriage .1 1/2 yrs over. He did not like me and me also did not like him by whole heart.

    He is very alert fellow.He wil not give love for people.He is materialistic guy.There is no 1 % also sentiment.

    i am so lovable girl and adjustable.

    I am so frustrted by staying with this marriage.

    Planning to separate also.

    Right now i need mental support, i should not think anything unneccerily.

    I have to concentrate on my work.

    Please pray for me

    Thanks
    Anitha
     
  9. Subhaganesh

    Subhaganesh Gold IL'ite

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    anitha i can understand dear how it will be...
    i never know that u have this much problem.
    its good that kid is grown up and doing well..
    yes, as u say this type of person wont change i am wondering still this type of people are existing in this century
    he is in abroad, but still he behaves like koovam( sorry for this)
    how the hell he is threatening u that he will make civil case as criminal case. it is not safe to stay with him if they have this attitude.
    my sincere advice is, don't bother about him, concentrate only on ur work and kid.
    u have lot of things to divert ur mind, please think only positive things.
    pray to god, keep all ur problems in god's feet,he will take care.
    my hugs to u.
     
  10. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    what i understand is a total personality mismatch between you guys.so you say you are lovable and adjustable-has your H ever realized this?The way you want to be treated and the way he treats you are totally different-have you ever spoken your expectations with him?in a long distance relationship communication is very important and at the same time talking romantic always is not possible.if you would like to work on this relationship talk to him daily,update about kid's progress,about household matters etc.just talk for a few mins-do not expect to talk for hours and hours.you know how materialistic he is so you also converse in the same way.is he ok with you quitting job and being with him at onsite? are you comfortable doing that?if so probably you can discuss about that.

    Also understand that men are not so romantically expressive like women.so you cannot expect hours and hours of sweet nothings and romantic pamperings all the time from a man after marriage.

    if you feel everything was done and no use just go ahead and file divorce.yes life without H will be difficult but manageable.
     

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