Hi all DH going too much crazy for getting promoted to higher level. Will give some background. Since we got married till now, DH kept changing his jobs. After every few months he used to be busy preparing for interviews. This year he got a job in one of the big IT giant. Now he is like OK i ll be stable here which is good. But now he is putting extra hours in hope that he will get promoted soon. Since he kept changing jobs, he is one level down than his friends who got settled in one company and didn't kept changing jobs. May be that is the reason why he thinks that he needs to be promoted. I don't have issue with that. My concern is that since he is putting more hours there, he is over looking family. We have a kid and i am too working. As soon as DH comes from office he directly takes his laptop out and is stuck into it. This makes me angry as i expect him to look after my kid, as i will be busy in kitchen. If i tell him to do some task he will only do that task , spend sometime and then again back to laptop. He will then go inside in bedroom with his laptop. This behavior of him is making me angrier day by day. As i will also be tired after coming from office, i expect that he spend sometime with my kiddo, make him brush, bath,etc while i am busy in kitchen. If i say something, he will just go in kitchen clean some utensils and back to work and then he thinks why i am still angry. My point is he not taking responsibility for some routine tasks like laundry, bath kid, make him brush, etc I have to keep nagging him to do those tasks. Also after we are home, i feel like me, dh and kid sit and relax and enjoy family time but that doesn't happen. I am not denying that he is helpful. He is helpful and understanding, but currently his attention is more towards promotion and over work. which makes me go crazy. I feel like we both have achieved much more at this stage, this is the time to spend some quality time together. Also with this routine if my son is sick, i go more crazy, thinking that we are overlooking his health. Since I have to take up most of the household tasks , i end up skipping one or more tasks sometimes. And i feel guilty if that task is of my kid and i didn't do it. I actually wrote down list of all the household tasks on paper and gave it to DH saying that which tasks will he take. To that he reacted rudely. He didn't like what i did. He just agreed to some tasks and went back into laptop. I am sure he will not do the agreed tasks unless i remind him. Please suggest how do I handle this.
Dear OP, Why don't you engage a helper to clean the house & cook? You mentioned you guys are already well settled, so money isn't a problem to afford a cleaner & cook. Then you can spend more time with your kid and look after him. IMO, just let your husband concentrate on his career if he really feels like and if it is his goal. But not forever, give him sometime to achieve what he wants to. I can understand you want to spend time with your H, but may be he thinks it is the right time for him to grow in his career. So just respect his feeling and let him concentrate on his career. The more you drag the more irritable he will be. You mentioned he is understanding and supportive, so better don't get into unnecessary issues, which may spoil the peace. But ask him if he can spend whole Sunday with you and kid if you leave him to concentrate on his work the other 6 days of week. Make proper plans for the sunday, don't cook anything or don't waste time on other works, just plan to go out and have lunch and go to some places and make it a memorable day for that week.
the alternative would be hiring some help and get things done.When the person is passionate about his work ,the alternative would be hiring help who help with house chores.
The task list that you have which are mostly related to household can be outsourced or can be got from outside. You are left with kid related tasks. You can do that with little help from DH. Is it possible for you to come home early like an hour so that you can relax and then jump onto chores or can invite ur parents or inlaws to help you. Imho, you should give space to ur H and have a deadline say 2 or 4 months for him to concentrate on his promotion and then later rework the plan if required.
Dear OP, Politely express to your hubby that you really want him to support him as you both are working, get a cleaner and cook or get food outside. During weekends ask hubby to allocate 1 day to do some tasks. and leave him rest of time. Goto your friends or relatives house on long weekends. leave him alone at home and ask him to allocate all time to to his work. You can give him like 6 months to 1 yr or so and see how he is doing.
you can consider starting your own start-up and gradually rope DH into it. this way round the clock you would both work together and enjoy togetherness and or quality proximity. 2.In a lighter vain, I wish to add the following: this is by way of information: Almost all IT industry related DHs are caught in this vicious circle and they would never get to spend quality time with their family read spouse. astrological bureau is finding match making ticklish for IT employed grooms as spurned by brides in general. it is also believed that keep working on laptop held over lap results in the couple remaining childless!!!!! you may consider lucky. Since he is not indifferent to your request and in the heart of heart wish to share domestic chores yet he is feeling more responsible to the office than the family. all modern IT industry DHs are always seemed to be busy with gadgets and or laptop. even after promised or assured promotion materialises, there is no guarantee he will have been redempted from bringing office to home. the best way is to close the establishment and stay in a hotel and put the boy (or children) in resident school. this way you would get some free time but quality of it can't be assured. Thank you. Regards.
