Problems with BIL/DH

Do you have any friends in the area? Why don't you go out over the weekend and have girl's night out? You don't have to spend all the weekend at home, do you?

 

Hi Poorna
Congrats on your pregnancy


You did absolutely the right thing by asking your BIL to shutup when couples are fighting .BIL or MIL or anybody for that matter has no business interfering with the couples fight .Don't feel bad if they gang up and don't loose your calm too be calm but be firm on this at any cost .Next time opt out of the night parties quoting the same incident .let your BIL drive on the wayback if he so concerned about his brother .

The next time your BIL shows up ask him to clean his plate after food and get help ith Vegetables cooking from DH and if he refuses then tell them you are tired and lets eat out ........just don't get out of bed that weekend .( as now you have the pregnancy excuse ) your BIL should get the message .If not ask your hubby and plan for a babymoon with just you guys for a weekend getaway .

Regarding Money matters have a frank talk with DH saying thats its common A/C so I need to know the reason as well in assertive tone .

Good luck

 

Hi Poorna,
Congrats on your pregnancy.
Forget about the fight, when guys are drunk you tell them anything it is a waste.
it is really wrong that your BIL talks to you like that.
from now on dont even talk to your DH when he is drunk.
nothing gets into there mind what they talk and how they behave.
regarding ji ji thing, ask your DH and BIL when both are at one place casually.
so BIL ji, in our family MIL says we should call everyone ji. i hope its ok for you when i call you BIL ji.
this way things will be cleared in front of your DH. also talk it in light node. as a casual talk.
50k is a hugeeee amount. your DH without discussing with you is big mistake.
jokingly tell him arey you promised 50k to your brother. ayyo i promised 100k to my sister.
just dont shout or anything. they should know that if we give such huge amounts just like that it is not good.
incase you were giving to your sister or brother how would he feel? especially without informing each other.
stop cooking and cleaning for them on weekends. friday afternoon start off ohh god this is paining, oh god that is paining. thats it. with such people who dont even care to wash there spoon they will not understand good words. so just dont cook. let them order from outside or cook whatever. but till monday morning you behave sick. blame it on pregnancy. its ok.
if he says you are not looking for a suitable match tell your DH ofoo our BIL is so nice, i cant find one single girl that can match his good personality. and dont mock. tellthis as if you really mean it
spending quality time with DH. umm what good then valentines day.. tell him valentine weekend you want to spend romantic day with him. once baby comes you both wont be able to do allllll that. talk to him little romantic. and make him starve for love that week before saying on that weekend its gonna be special. cutting his bro might not happen immediately, but once baby comes weekends make sure baby is with dad more time.
i just leave baby with my DH during my 1 hour bath. you have to do such things to make sure dad takes care of baby. its not always mommmy.

Good Luck!!

 

I don't know why other posters are telling you to forget about the fight like its no big deal. This is a turning point in your marriage. Your BIL should not have interfered and WORSE your husband should not have ganged up on you. It shows what kind of background they are. You in that condition, having to drive home the two of them, that was just a horrible thing for them to do. I'm not sure what to say, except they don't seem like nice kind and you need to take care, for yourself and the baby. Don't be their designated driver next time.

 

Just ask your BIL to stop and keep away from you when ou have something going on between you and your DH.I guess you are not acting strong while saying something to your BIL.Do not cry or weep.Be confident and the strongness should reflect on your face.People always try to rule the ones that appear weak.

No, you did not doing anything wrong and don't need entertain your BIL each and every week end.Ask your DH to take you out and entertain you and if he refuses, and wants to go along with his brother , fine, let him go, but do not cook or clean the next week and act sick and make him do all the chores from next week onwards especially during the week ends.And don't show that you are doing it like tit for tat.And see if his brother helps your DH in the chores and possibly there will come few changes in their attitudes.Let us hope for the best.

 

hey! congrats on ur pregnancy ! n as far as i think Ur DH and other family members should try to make this time pleasant n relaxing and should try to keep u happy and not in the way they behaved by ganging against u and making u cry .
but i think instead of crying and feeling sad u need to take stand and be firm . try to make Ur husband realize that u need some time to rest in pregnancy on weekends. don't cook special foods for bil n dh on weekends n why should u only clean their dishes ? take rest my dear friend and try to be happy ?
and i firmly believe no one can take us for granted till we allow them . u got to take some firm steps.
First start from taking time out for your self on weekend . go for something which u like to do , may be some walk in a park , or take prenatal yoga classes or some meditation or even something like watching a fav movie at home can be very relaxing !
second , u need to make people know their limits , be it bil or mil or even ur family , what ever issues u have with dh should be between u guys only. tell this firmly to Ur dh also.
third , although the money issue is big but i think its better to discuss it later , as handling too many issues can be difficult for u and might go against u . deal with it when the right time comes but u can do something that u keep some separate account , i think its very imp to have a separate account as we might not know when we can face some adverse situation , tell Ur hubby u will give him money when he needs it but keep ur salary n savings separate, that way u have control over what is being spent out of ur saving.
i know some of these will be difficult n may hurt u but u have to stand up for yourself.
stay happy stay blessed !!!!!!