Problems because of his Female friend

PadmaS · Aug 26, 2010

Thanks a ton for your replies.

Here is my learning. we were a having a relaxed conversation this weekend and this is what he told me and I kind of agree with him.

He said, when we were new in our relationship he liked my confident, independent and outgoing nature, which I'm not anymore. That is true, because since I came to US I have less to concentrate on and so I'm so obsessed with what he is doing and how he is behaving.

Ofcourse, this does not mean he talks to that girl because of this, but the point it bothers me so much, because I notice him alot.

So for ladies with similar problem, please stop stalking your husbands. Conversations taken out of context might lead to such problems. Trust your dear ones. Also have a social circle, interests and hobbies of your own, be independent so that you have lot of things to think about other than just husbands .

indianguy2010 · Aug 26, 2010

PadmaS said: ↑

Thanks a ton for your replies.

Here is my learning. we were a having a relaxed conversation this weekend and this is what he told me and I kind of agree with him.

He said, when we were new in our relationship he liked my confident, independent and outgoing nature, which I'm not anymore. That is true, because since I came to US I have less to concentrate on and so I'm so obsessed with what he is doing and how he is behaving.

Ofcourse, this does not mean he talks to that girl because of this, but the point it bothers me so much, because I notice him alot.

So for ladies with similar problem, please stop stalking your husbands. Conversations taken out of context might lead to such problems. Trust your dear ones. Also have a social circle, interests and hobbies of your own, be independent so that you have lot of things to think about other than just husbands .
Click to expand...

Your introspection and acceptance of the part of your own role in the situation, is appreciable with a great applause.

In this forum, it is easy to see quotes, where women put the entire blame on their hubbies for all issues. And, it is uncommon for seeing quotes like this, where a woman does introspection and understood the mistakes on her own part too.

If every woman (and men too) introspects in every issue, like what you have done Padma..............and understands what she can do to improve the situation, or at least..............to avoid escalation of a negative situation, every home will be a peaceful place............and this world will be a better place to live.

I sincerely appreciate your sense of introspection. Please count thousand tonnes of appreciation from the bottom of my heart...!

flowerlady · Aug 26, 2010

So basically it means that the onus is on the wife , she should not bother with whom he is talking for hours together ! An ideal situation to be sure.
Its all about the wife at the end of the day , a classic excuse given by any DH to his wife if caught in a bind .:rotfl
He wants his space to talk to a girl for hours and the wife need not invade it.
Agreed , a wife should not stalk her DH unless a situation gets out of control.
Bottom line -
Will DH continue his phone marathons with the damsel across the seas ?:confused2:

indianguy2010 · Aug 26, 2010

flowerlady said: ↑

So basically it means that the onus is on the wife , she should not bother with whom he is talking for hours together ! An ideal situation to be sure.
Its all about the wife at the end of the day , a classic excuse given by any DH to his wife if caught in a bind .:rotfl
He wants his space to talk to a girl for hours and the wife need not invade it.
Agreed , a wife should not stalk her DH unless a situation gets out of control.
Bottom line -
Will DH continue his phone marathons with the damsel across the seas ?:confused2:
Click to expand...

Hi flowerlady,

Thanks for your comments.

I did not mean that it is all the wife's fault and the hubby will continue his phone marathons.

please read my reply dated 21st Aug 2010, in page 3 of this same thread.

you will get to understand, that I did NOT justify, what her hubby is doing is right.

Bye

iamsudha · Aug 27, 2010

Padma,

It appears that the discussion turned around to focus on the changes in you since coming to the USA which was never on the agenda! Also about the idle person's brain doing the devil's work of "watching him too closely"! :rotfl

it's ok for a woman and a wife to be jealous/possessive of her hubby. I think all hubbies are conditioned to cut their wife that slack! So it goes with the territory, I guess!

So it's ok to pay attention to our womanly hunches. The problem is when we shut them off/out...

Good luck!

canreachus · Aug 28, 2010

hi,

your last posts differs than the first one and it seems that you are fully convinced by your dh, i am happy to see you happy but still don't understand that if your dh speaks to another lady daily for hours is not good for the relationship.

According to me you are mature enough that is why giving him so much of space but still there should be some clarity that why and what makes dh to speak to her daily for hours,

take care

PadmaS · Aug 28, 2010

Ladies,

Thanks for your concern. I do understand that I'm contradicting my statements in the first post.

Basically our problem is this. I don't want to generalize anything here. My hubby is usually broad-minded. I work in different city and travel every week.This is my new job in US. So I usually go out for dinner with my male colleagues. It is common there, because everyone travels there and no one is there with their families for 3 days in a week. So people just socialize. My hubby knows that I go out for dinner with most of my male colleagues and he does not say a word about it.

I also talk to my old college time male friends over the phone(NO, NOT FOR 1 -2 hours every week) from here and my hubby does not have a problem with it. He gives me enough space to do what I want. This does not mean that we are not close to each other, and We do spend time together. Now, he expects the same level of space and trust for him. I used to give that but somehow after coming to US, since I'm new to the place, I'm so obsessed with him.

No, I'm not saying that his phone marathons with other girl are right and I have told him that. Calls once in month or so is acceptable. This has been communicated to him clearly.:rant

But the problem from my side is, his phone calls are disturbing my daily routines so much because I'm obsessed with him. If I had been like what I was before, like concentrating on my interests, spending time with my female friends, his long talks would not bother me in such a way that my I crib and irritate him often for no reason. This is what I want to change and probably I want to suggest the same thing to other ladies. We ladies, should learn to give and take some space with our hubbies.

I hope I'm not contradicting again here :spin

canreachus · Aug 28, 2010

Hi again,
understood fully, I also would have done the same thing if I had been at ur place,
At this stage it is to be avoided to make unnecessory confilcts rather you shoud spend great time with him to develop a bond,
have a great time with ur dh, regards

indianguy2010 · Aug 28, 2010

PadmaS said: ↑

Ladies,

Thanks for your concern. I do understand that I'm contradicting my statements in the first post.

Basically our problem is this. I don't want to generalize anything here. My hubby is usually broad-minded. I work in different city and travel every week.This is my new job in US. So I usually go out for dinner with my male colleagues. It is common there, because everyone travels there and no one is there with their families for 3 days in a week. So people just socialize. My hubby knows that I go out for dinner with most of my male colleagues and he does not say a word about it.

I also talk to my old college time male friends over the phone(NO, NOT FOR 1 -2 hours every week) from here and my hubby does not have a problem with it. He gives me enough space to do what I want. This does not mean that we are not close to each other, and We do spend time together. Now, he expects the same level of space and trust for him. I used to give that but somehow after coming to US, since I'm new to the place, I'm so obsessed with him.

No, I'm not saying that his phone marathons with other girl are right and I have told him that. Calls once in month or so is acceptable. This has been communicated to him clearly.:rant

But the problem from my side is, his phone calls are disturbing my daily routines so much because I'm obsessed with him. If I had been like what I was before, like concentrating on my interests, spending time with my female friends, his long talks would not bother me in such a way that my I crib and irritate him often for no reason. This is what I want to change and probably I want to suggest the same thing to other ladies. We ladies, should learn to give and take some space with our hubbies.

I hope I'm not contradicting again here :spin
Click to expand...

Being confused / unsure about something in the past.........and now being clear about the same is called "understanding". That is exactly you have done in this issue.

This is not an act of self-contradicting.