Problems because of his Female friend

Cry? Is he the crying type? And then I see this guilt trip about not cooking fresh meals every day.

What's all this for? to gain more freedom and less scrutiny/oversight? or Just to get some kinda leverage over you?

Think things through. Don't offer leverage (Like you are ok; I am not OK (upto your expectations!)). Try to keep it on an even keel. And don't relegate yourself voluntarily as junior partner in the marriage.

Also, accusations to the face are never good. They shouldn't be tried as trial balloons.

Be patient. Get a part time cook if you can't cook yourself. Work out with a friend/friends to do some potluck/group cooking to get some fresh meals everyday if that's what's needed.

But don't feel inadequate in your marriage. More importantly, don't show it.

Good luck!

 

(Hi Padma, Your words have been reproduced in brown colour before my comments to it.)

He said she is just a friend and I'm acting over-possessive

The knowledge about another woman talking to your hubby for a period of 45 minutes and above.............disturbing you consisently is NOT, "over-possessiveness".

It is simply 'being vigilant'. You are now vigilant. That is it. It is normal for every woman to react this way, in this situation.

This creates inter-personal problem in our otherwise happy marriage.

I will be surprised, if this act of he talking to her, away from your knowledge does not create inter-personal problems between him and you.

.........ideas for me to get matured so that I do not care such things

Even tonnes and tonnes of ideas and advices will not make you get "matured", so that you do not care about his hour long phone chatting with another woman, away from your knowledge.

The flip side of the story is............most of such hour long conversations are time-pass stuffs..........they do not evolve into a full blown affairs. Few instances of talking, talking and talking. Then, both of them will tire, seeing that it leads them to nowhere. Because, the geographical distance between them is in thousands of kms. In most cases, even if the man is interested in pursuing this phone talk into a clandestine affair, the woman will get scared to carry forward it to an affair (to some extent, she too will enjoy the excitement of this newly found, old buddy's appreciation and connection to her by phone talks). But, she will draw a limiting line, if things move ahead to a level, jeopardising her present marriage. Because, in this case, she is already in a marriage with kids.

Talking , just for fun may be done by that woman, from India, without any fear. But, if your man makes any attempt to meet her etc, I guess, she will get scared and back off............she will certainly think of the possibility of devastating her present marriage, if she is caught.

You are a woman, you know it. Women are ten times more careful than men, in this context. No woman will risk devastating her present marriage, just for a fling of fun on the side, unless she herself has already decided to leave away from her present marriage (which is unlikely here).

So, most probably, this will end in phone talks stage only. Yet, you are justified in being vigilant...............to know whether, your man tries to meet her in India, while you are in India , next time.

Nothing wrong in being vigilant.

But you know as some here said, "Men are hardwired to flirt". This fact goes till my mind but does not reach my heart

Though a few have violently objected to this, saying ,"dont generalise", I have also no hesitation in agreeing with "men are hardwired to flirt"............notwithstanding the possibility of this evoking some angry remarks from other male members of this forum, saying ,"oh IG, if you are such a guy, dont think, all men are hardwired to flirt".

I do not care............reality is reality. Yes, Padma. I am a man. I agree with you. I am saying it, "Men are hardwired to flirt".

To conclude...........you are neither over-possessive, nor over reacting. Your reactions and feelings of insecurity are judicious and normal.

Though, most probably, this phone talk will not evolve into a full blown affair, you are TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN BEING VIGILANT ABOUT THIS POSSIBILITY.

May God Bless you.

 

:rotfl

it may be more like 'Men are hardwired to want to flirt'. Because in my experience, very few actually know how to flirt. Most Indian men are so shy they hardly know where to start! Of course the Internet and the anonymity and the boldness that goes with it, may have brought forth big changes in people online.

On the contrary, I know more women who are such compulsive flirts!

Unless there is a flirty girl on the other side, most guys get done saying what they want in under 2 (may be 5) minutes on the phone!

My $.02!

 

Its indeed strange that your DH is talking for long periods with a lady across the ocean ! What could they be discussing day- in and day -out and not even colleagues ? Not price of veggies, fruits to be sure.
Either she is sobbing on his shoulder about her cruel spouse and sad marriage or he is cribbing about his. Remember he said it gave him emotional high.
Only this topic can have new chapters added everyday.
She is a housewife with all the time on her hands with maids doing most of the housework.while you are busy going to office and household chores.
Nowadays its pastime for some married people to flirt with each other as there is a nice safety zone, no pressure for marriage , just cool flirting or even more given the opportunity. And still no pressure for marriage , pure fun with no strings attached.
Try asking about her husband and life , maybe you will hit jackpot.

 

Wow....Sudha...!

I wish, the women around me living in my pace are all compulsive flirts, like what you have said. !!

But, the reality is not so, at least around me. Elsewhere in the world , I do not know the situation.

At least I have not been fortunate to be among women who are compulsive flirts............wherever I have lived in Tamil Nadu & Gujarat.

Thanks for your comments.

 

I don't understand what is there to feel fortunate about it. shakehead

If the lady flirts, and if the man takes advantage of it - none of them are fortunate.. it is just sheer misfortune that they have not realized their core values yet, don't you think? ie regardless of your "ALL men are hardwired to flirt" theory.

 

Sorry. Deleted as too trivial to state.

 

Good thinking, Sudha!:thumbsup

Here is an elaborate reference: Flirting - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
May be this should be forked into a new thread to spare OP.

 

No no, Sudha.. it is not trivial.. you had a point there.

Definitely folks will have different definitions for the term in their mind and
your post may help to avoid the "I am a Mango vs I am a Mango" scenarios. :thumbsup

 

i am just finding my bearing here and do not intend to offend anyone considering how closely knit most of the groups here seem to be.

I was treading cautiously.