1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Problems because of his Female friend

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by PadmaS, Aug 18, 2010.

  1. PadmaS

    PadmaS New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Ladies,

    Here comes just another common problem.

    We are 2 years old in marriage but 6 years old in Relationship. Ours is a love marriage. We both are working in US. We have our own share of issues, fights and then apologies. But those are very normal and get solved easily.

    I have this one problem with my husband always. He is a 'born skilled flirt'. I know this from the beginning and we have enough quarrels because of this. Recently he has met his old school time crush/friend through facebook and has started talking to her. She is in India. Now this talking has regular and consistent that he calls her every week or every fortnight. I expressed my concern over this once and he stopped calling her in front me but he calls her from office (Yes I look at his call logs in mobile). He said she is just a friend and I'm acting over-possessive. These calls will go for 45 min - 2 hours. This is what really bothers me. Now, I'm so obsessed with this lady and my husband. I do not know how to make my husband stop talking to her (I've told him calmly that I do not like this). This creates inter-personal problem in our otherwise happy marriage.

    About my husband, he is one gem of a guy. We love each other, laugh together. We both love and respect each other. I respect his personal space. But this talk with this lady really bothers me.

    Help me with your suggestions/advise please. I see that there are lot of matured thinking ladies and gentlemen here. Ideas to stop my husband talking to her, or ideas for me to get matured so that I do not care such things, which causes glitches in our relationship.
     
    Loading...

  2. ajain35

    ajain35 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Tell him... that yes you are over-possessive and you get jealous if he even looks at any other girl. Tell him that you love him too much and it is difficult for you to see him talk to a past girlfriend behind your back even if the relationship is completely platonic now.
    Then "request" him that this is your problem and it will be helpful if he can reduce the time he talks to his friend. I don't think you can completely stop him talking.

    Let him talk in front of you.. atleast you would know what they are talking about. Maybe slowly he will get over it. While he is talking to his friend, why don't you take phone from his hand and start talking to this girl yourself? Or do you have problems with the girl? You haven't written what they talk so I am assuming it is casual chit-chat.

    My few suggestions.

    -AJ
     
  3. PadmaS

    PadmaS New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks ajain35 for the response!

    It is engraved in his mind that "I do not like him talking longer to other ladies".

    But you know as some here said, "Men are hardwired to flirt". This fact goes till my mind but does not reach my heart :)
     
  4. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    256
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Good for you because it is not true. :)

    And Padma, I second Ajain's suggestions.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2010
  5. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    592
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi
    Is this lady married ?
    I think you should start talking to her to see what sort of a person she is. Sometimes even if she has evil intentions in her heart, talking to you she will be guilty and might step back. You can easily cheat something you dont know but when you know a person you cannot do it that easily.

    One thing is, totally stopping your husband from talking to this lady is not going to be possible because he can always do it without your knowledge, so be clever and try to squeeze yourself into this relationship. Then your husband too might slowly divert from "romantic flirting" and stick to "Friendly flirting"

    Goodluck
     
  6. ajain35

    ajain35 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    By the way... what do you really mean by flirt? In my opinion it means giving inappropriate compliments to a person of opposite sex with an ulterior motive. Is that what you mean also? What ulterior motive does your husband have and what kind of compliments does he give her?

    -AJ
     
  7. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    I think he has a crush on her and it may or may not wear off. Obviously the other lady is doing enough to keep this going. If you leave it alone, this could go all the way...

    Offer to be introduced to his friend and talk to her along with him and try to befriend her yourself. It's possible that she will see that she is messing up your beautiful life scale back if she is a decent person.

    Just my 2 cents. If she is a home wrecker nothing can stop her but if she looks up on you as a nice person and a friend she may back off. Also, when your hubby knows that you are friends with her and that you can independently have a conversation with her, he will check himself.

    Also, with a flirty hubby you need to keep him on a short leash and get involved in all his interactions with the opp sex (be a moderator :)).


    Good luck!
     
  8. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    577
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Male
    Please don't generalize
     
  9. PadmaS

    PadmaS New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the response ladies,

    I guess you are getting wrong. She is married women with a kid. I'm almost sure she does not have wrong intentions neither does my husband. She is a home maker. Probably she has lot of time in the early afternoons to talk to my husband.

    He is not cheating on me. Once he said, just because I do not like such things, he talks to her outside.
     
  10. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    If you don't generalize, you can't make an interesting conversation! If things can't be generalized, most of scientific innovation would not happen! Because of genralizations, there are specializations or special cases!

    Allow some dramatic statements from people with issues and take it with a pinch of salt instead of asking them to be painfully precise!
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2010

Share This Page