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Problematic SIL at home

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Eydis, May 31, 2012.

  1. Eydis

    Eydis New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I need some advice and suggestions about the course of happenings in my married life.
    I ve been married for 6 months now, living in the UK with my Husband and his sister. She is married too and her husband is in the US. She has been here to complete her masters after she had problems in her marriage.
    She was here with my husband even before i could come. Ours was an arranged marriage, and my in-laws did not mention the fact that my SIL was separated from her husband, and they were going to be divorced. The only fact that they mentioned before marriage was she will leave by april 2012, once the course is complete, and she got that through scholarship and so she came there.. My husband too din spit it out.
    But from the first time she talked to me, it was not a good behavior, she actually felt i was coming to take her position as she was very possessive about my husband.
    Once after marriage, she never really maintained her distance and interfered in almost everything. My husband too would consult her first, or rather consult her and jus inform me.
    She would tag along whenever we went out.She is such a micro-manager and i hate it. Never would she allow me to voice an opinion. She would be the one to suggest, shop and even tell me what i should get. She says she knows my husband better. of course, its her brother. She stares at me sometimes for no reason. Afer a few months when my husband started to divert his attention towards me, she started creating havoc and problem, and when we went out without her knowledge or leaving her, she ll create a problem. She would hurl the vessels and push down the stands. Behave erratic, and talk in a rude tone and behave violently. She is already undergoing therapy, but she would take tablets. I suggest my husband to move her to my in-laws house, so that they dud take care, and she can go in for treatment, coz when she sees us she ll only get jealous and her mood will be aggravated. But my husband wudn listen, says he wudn give up on his sister. She is giving me hell lotta trouble, and i get sick very often, and am afraid to ve a baby even. I don know what to do now.My husband says she will stay here even for years. With her behavior am not even sure how my marriage is gonna work. we are having serious trouble on our marriage now. plz help
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    It's very common to get sad and feel depressed when other couple around when she is going thought difficult time.

    You are right.But how can you make your husband understand that????I know,he is trying to help his sister.Then he should have waited to get married.But keeping her sister with him is not a good solution here.

    If he sends her,she had to face relatives and Indian culture.May be because of that he might have kept his sister with him.You both have to discuss as a team and see what's best.Then only things will work instead of blaming.
     
  3. luv2smile

    luv2smile Silver IL'ite

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    i think u must also start acting crazy and be adamant about what you need.. That's not a good idea and will only result in bitterness but i am sorry i can't think of any other way to keep your SIL away.
     
  4. Eydis

    Eydis New IL'ite

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    Dear Priya,

    I have discussed with my husband about all this, i don refrain from keeping her in my house, its her erratic behavior, and violent moodswings that pisses me off. But my husband wudn listen. Actually my health is going down, and am getting weak day by day.. Sometimes i feel even my husband doesn care about me. Their parents want a kid now, after jus 6 months, which we jus intuitionally put off due to the circumstances. Now his parents are complaining may be if i ve a problem.. They are trying to divert the topic to this.. How could ppl be so selfish... While my hub says am selfish, that i look into only my happiness.. It feels like am stuck and nowhere to ask for...
     
  5. Eydis

    Eydis New IL'ite

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    Dear luv2smile,

    I did lose my temper once and behaved that way, well at least when she was not there... but even though my SIL behaves irrationally a thousand times, they give one reason saying she isn normal, even one rude act of mine wud be their talk every time.. and they blame me even u behaved that way... they wudn understand.. they fail to realize even am a human, i tend to react once in a while...
     
  6. sapnaHYD

    sapnaHYD Gold IL'ite

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    Did she finish her course? If so why dont she look for a job and move away.
     
  7. rose29

    rose29 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    eyis,

    The thing is ur SIL is mentally ill.better she can go her parents and be with them and continue medicine and rest she required rather than anythg. kindly convince ur husband tht at this time she need her parents rather than a brother.her parents have much more responsibility than a brother.otherwise ur SIL can make lot of damage for your family life.she will easily jelous to you,coz she didnt get a proper family life. so convince your husband whichever greatway he can fully understand ur situation. u cant hold ur family life until she gets well.u are not the person to suffer for whatever it may be.when a critical situation like this come, ur husband parents should come front and takecare of his sister and show the real committment to their daughter.l know, forget abt relatives or neigbours coming and questioning.their daughter getting well is imporatant than anythg for their parents.if nothg going to workout, u stay away from ur husband and his sister.otherwise u will go mad one day and u will get depression. and pray to god well everyay to keep ur mind peaceful.
     
  8. rose29

    rose29 Senior IL'ite

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    hi

    eyis,

    u know, majority of the indian MIL,SIL, will not be positively supporting or good behaviour to DIL.coz they dont know or they dont want to knowor theydont want to follow where to keep real respect in realtionships.so better is stay away from them from the first itself.if they r with u,ofcourse problems will come.coz u are a diifferent ,they are different attitude.
     
  9. SurekhaKrishna

    SurekhaKrishna Bronze IL'ite

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    Why are inlaws in a hurry to see you pregnant?please make it clear that let this sil matter solved then only you can find peace at home and can think about having kids.
     
  10. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Your PILs are strange as no one would leave a divorced DD with a young newly married couple as she would be jealous. All her tantrums are arising out of the fact that you and hubby are enjoying life while she is separated.
    She should look for a job and move out to begin a new life.
    Don't get pressurised by your Inlaws for a baby.
    You can also take up some course or start working.
    Try to tell DH that you want to see SIL happy instead of annoyed and irritable. Don't go against her but take DH's side in her welfare.This will make you a part of the family trying to do good for SIL.
     

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