Problem With Younger Cosister

Not trying to justify co-sis behavior..

But y is everyone talking only about the co-sis & not the bil? Is it because she is a woman & certain things are expected from her & he is a man so he is excused from kitchen duties?

 

And while suggesting the above...tell BIL "Oh this mom and pop bagel shop near XYZ..makes the beeeeest bagels and has such nice cream cheese options...can u please bring a dozen ..."
seriously don't discuss menu options with guests. Just serve ..ur house is not a restaurant. I only ask about allergies nothing else.
I had a guest many years ago ..who insisted that we must have paruppu thogayal to go with poricha kootu or kotsu/avial for pongal ..the list was endless...I smiled the first few times ....and then the third time collected my wits and said...sure I would love it ...would you like to use my kitchen...everything is labeled and it should be easy to find ur way around...if you cant find something just holler I will be around... ....flashed my bright JAG smile and left. DH who fuming all this time (he was raised to eat whatever is served ) was tickled. Told me I should have done that the first day.
Try it ....its soooooo worth it.

 

I agree. "Guests" who r frequent visitors should pitch in. But what I see is BIL is excluded from "guest" and focus is all on sil.

I wonder if unknowingly v r passing on centuries old gender bias beliefs.. Maybe this is y in Indian families female-female relationships are so difficult to maintain

 

Exactly Jazmine83....this is how a MIL behaves with the new DIL...as the MIL would have done soo much of work when she was a new DIL herself and would compare and impose the same on new DIL with the same mindset..

23 is still young in my opinion and the marriage would have happened around 21, which is like "fresh out of college" phase. I think OP needs to give some time to her co-sis.

Also, I feel OP is trying to keep her H\in-laws happy and hence going an extra mile. co-sis is just going with the flow..and I dont see any issue with co-sis, except that she is little lazy. But a 10-year age difference between co-sis and BIL might add something to the scenario.

 

Ladies here gave wonderful suggestion. Now it is you to act upon, the early the better.

I agree we should not expect help from guests.
But a frequent visitor i,e. weekly visitor is not a guest
A person who stays a more than a day or two is not a guest.
They should also share the workload, because they are giving more work to you by their frequent visitor.
Prepare simple dishes, try to live with bread /jam or corn flakes , even dosa for all the days, no special food even for you people. No substitutes nothing.

If indirectly hinting is not working out better tell them in open. No remorse, no guilty feeling. you should be bold and confidant tell upfront, looking at your H's eyes.
Tell " See I am really getting tired, cooking 3 meals a day for 6 ppl , after a hectic week and I am not getting any help from anyone. even I want to rest. If anyone wants anything else you people are free to cook and dont forget to clean the mess later."

 

I agree, BIL should help too. but OP's H is will not accept that.

And this gender bias not only India everywhere in the world. even in western countries cooking is mostly done by women

 

Telling directly is best solution.

 

Rihana,
There are few out there with these exceptional abilities.
Our neighbor , working woman, manages kid without a maid . Not even a washing machine. Every day she washes the complete set of clothes. Her husband's only help is to get the kid ready in the morning.