1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Problem with Sister and BIL

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Srisen, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Srisen

    Srisen New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> Hi, I am married for 2.5 yrs now, and have a son 1.5 yrs old. Ours is an inter-caste marriage and my DH’s family was my Aunt’s(Mother’s sister) neighbor, so I know him for 15 yrs. I was grown up in a village and my Parents still live there. I have one elder sister, married, but BIL is bit egoistic. BIL was not in good terms with his Dad and his Brother-in-law, but he speaks to them and maintains touch with them. Since they(Sister and her Husband) were not in good terms with their family side, they were attached to me and used to discuss everything with me.
    Once I told abt my decision on marriage, My father was scared of his social status in the village, so he was looking at my sister’s and Aunt’s (Mother’s sister) family for support in making my marriage happen. I spoke/pleaded to my BIL many times to support me and make this happen. My Aunt is a bit self-centric person and always had jealous on me. She used this chance and stood up against the marriage and brainwashed my sister’s family too and all 3 started campaigning against my marriage. And they did all possible stuff to stop this. At some point my father realized this and with due pressure from my side he stood firm and we had our wedding.
    My Aunt and Sisters family attended the wedding just for name sake and from that day, they don’t talk to me. They avoid me completely, and if I am in my parent’s house they don’t visit there. Even in public functions if I am in one side they go to the other side.I believe they don’t even know the name of my kid. I tried calling them close to an year but since no response at all, I stopped doing so.My parents are worried about this, but feel they need to be equal with both of us, Infact they are scared of my sister as they fear she and BIL would do the same for them. So most of the times they take me for granted (Like they don’t invite me for any festivals, thinkinf if I am there my sister wouldn’t come there). This hurts me a lot as she has been married for 10 yrs now, and has enjoyed all support needed from my parents, even her kid was grown at my parent’s house for 3-4 yrs. Where as in my case, I hardly go to my parent’s house due all these issues, and looks like my parents in the fear are lenient to my sister. I am actually scared if any festival comes. When everyone are happy I will be crying most of the times.
    Most of my relatives knew abt this but doesn’t openly talk abt this. I am in good touch with all the relatives. I thought of opening this issue with relatives, but dint do as it might spoil my father’s reputation.Its constantly bugging me and not sure how to makeover with this. My DH doesn’t get involved with any of this and he tells things will change, don’t worry about petty things and focus on your goals. Kindly help me.
     
    Loading...

  2. dakshayaeni

    dakshayaeni Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    159
    Trophy Points:
    95
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi, I feel your hubby is right dear. With passage of time all sentiments and emotions cools down. You need to be patient at the same time firm. One other thing, I may sound a little rude, but with relatives especially in India, I find this saying very true '' success is relative'' implying if one is successful in career, socially, politically that success draws relatives. So try and become a good wife, mother, DIL and if you have a career give your 100% at it. Support your hubby. And i understand ur anxiety, but be as social as possible and create ur own circle, be honest and open with all, but never never open up your emotional cans regarding ur parents to anyone. Remember, parents always wish good to all their kids, they never think bad about us, its just the situation dear.

    May god give u strength! and btw we all are there for u, aren't we?
     
  3. Srisen

    Srisen New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Daksh,Thanks for ur kind and clear tip...much needed one for me...Infact I am focusing on what u have advised, but at times i lose heart. :-(.. One good thing is i have got very good and supportive in-laws. And now i am tryin to give 100% to my career too...lets see how things com up...

    Yes..even i agree with your "success is relative" formula. Unfortunately thats how its in India.
     

Share This Page