Problem with In-Laws..Pls advice

Gopisu,

It is sad to read about the situation at your Husband's parents' home. It is pathetic that your BIL allows physical abuse of his wife by his sister (in this case I am giving benefit of doubt to your co-sis).

Coming to your role in the whole mess is, the good thing is you are away from that toxic atmosphere and living far away.

It shows your good heart that you empathize with your co-sis. If you are on good terms with your MIL try to reason with her so she allows your BIL and co-sis to come back together. You can also try to reason with your DH. But at the end of the day there is very little you can do to change their attitudes. But do try, from a distance.

Second and more important, do not even entertain the thought of inviting your MIL to live with you. Keep your little heaven un-contaminated. It does not sound right that your MIL would leave a not so healthy FIL back home and live with you. Seeing how they are treating their other DIL I cannot assume her visit would do you any good!

 

Gopisu,

I dont think there is anything you can do to convince PIL to fix BIL's family issue. Even though you are doing this with good intention, I am sure your PIL will not take your interfering in co-sis and BIL issue in right sense (if they were that understanding situation wouldn't come this far between your co-sis and BIL).

if your MIL wants to come to US to look after your son and if you outright object then it might bring unnecessary misunderstandings between you and your DH .see if you can talk to MIL sweetly and convince her that you would feel bad if MIL is not there to take care of your diabetic FIL ,your situation in US is not so bad and the day care is very good (some one else is also sending their kid to day care and kid loves it ) blah blah

inspite of convincing if your MIL still wants to come ,there is little you can do to stop without breaking the harmony in your house. dont worry yourself thinking about what-if's ,it will be just 6 months so better be more cautious during her trip .your MIL getting attached to your DD is one thing and poisoning your DD's innocent mind against her mother is another thing and i hope your MIL doesn't stoop that low. i dont think it is possible within just 6 months for your MIL to influence your DD so much that your DD will be more attached to your MIL as opposed to your co-sis son being with your PIL 24x7 right from his birth. at the end of the day you are still mother of your DD and she will yearn for your love however caring anyone else can be !

 

I guess you dd will be about 18 months when your mom leaves. Don't talk to DH about the real issue. not sure what you could do to help SIL. With your DH you can argue that you live in a different country, no indian kids around to play with, she needs to develope her social skills or will be left behind.. yada yada ( not entirely true). Aslo what about FIL, he need care, MIL understands him best etc.. worked for me. I would also try to make DH understand the important relation between parents and child. something like ' how can sil's child live without his mom, kid needs both parents...etc". Direct confrontation won't get you anywhere.

 

OMG, What a disgusting SIL you have, What she has done is a crime. Physical abuse is not acceptable, what is stopping your co-sis from complaining to police against your SIL

 

I think instead of you talking to ur MIL directly regarding ur cosis, I think it is better u tell ur H to talk to his brother.....Ur BIL is badly influenced by ur MIL and SIL against his own wife........Right now he needs some positive motivation from someone to get back to track and think about his wife and his son's future. ....My advice do not get directly involved in this mess because u never know u might fall into the trap badly ......Hence, appreciating ur concern about ur cosis, let ur H take some action on this...........And I think it is wise to somehow cancel ur MIL's visit to ur place......

 

- Don't ever try to fix things that are beyond your control.. Eg: Co-sis issue lest you want to be treated same as her.... your MIL has produced puppets to dance for her... so no hopes.

- Pay your DDs daycare fee... inform your H, thats its in best benefit for the child to learn with kids of their age.... and how your FIL is aging and if something happens that everyone will blame you guys........... tell him that lets have a backup plan ready for the child to adjust in daycare on and off..... so that in case they have to leave for some emergency that no one is left high and dry and also gives you time and backup while experimenting with different daycare.........
even if they come... u can do alternate day for your DD to daycare............ u need to keep the child interaction with her limited... she has crazy intentions and zero tolerance for any creature whom she describes as DIL.

 

In INDIA a POLICE complain for being slapped by someone.... esp.... from inlaws side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're yet to chase rapists & terrorists........

 

Play mind game ...inform your husband about article 498A and its hassles. As irrespective of your cosis being good or bad, she has been physically abused. So take a convenient stand and inform him that if she names your husband and family under 498A it'll be difficult for all and you are worried. Criminals like your sil, mil will not have an effect unless they get fear that there's justice system.

Your mil wants to come to US may be coz she wants to avoid all the drama and in all this tension she'll definitely not be a right person to enter your family. So whatever you have to do at this stage avoid her. In anycase US daycare are far better for kid where they interact with their age group people.