Problem with grandmother...Urgent

Mine is a very peculiar problem for which i can find no other solution than to come here for you wonderful suggestions and view.

The problem creator is my grandmother (mother's mum). I actually dont know where to start...She is very stubborn, adamant, assertive, angry, abusive and VERY wild lady. She is in her late 70's and my mother in her late 50's. My grandfather (late 80’s) who has been taking care of her went thro brain stroke and he is in hospital for more than 4 months. And my parents who themselves are old is taking care of him in the hospital from 9 am to 9 am and we have nurses to take care of other cleaning stuff. This is on one side...the most terrible side is my grandma..who is aggressive and assertive always (from her young days). She is expects everyone in the family right from my grandpa to one yr kid to listen ONLY to her…else she turns most abusive.


She is a woman who has been very well taken care off with all luxury throughout her life by my grandpa. She has so many properties, houses, car, cash and what not…She wants to show her assertiveness, anger is all she does even now when her husband is in death bed. She never bothers of her daughter's (my mum) health and worries at any time. All she wants and expects is her needs is to be met, she wants all others to take care only of her, listen to all what she says..otherwise act wild, in the most indiscipline way..like spitting all over the house, urinating wherever she wants. It is a great wonder that a woman cannot think of her husband at deathbed..she is not realizing that it is he who has been taking her of so well, satisfying and listening to all her needs. She does not even visit him in the hospital..visits him once in 20 days and stays for 15 mins.

The problem is my mum is affected too much by her aggressive nature, we cannot have her in our home. She is so violent, unimaginable abusive, arrogant that my mom cannot take her of her health in her 60 yrs. She has no energy to take care of this arrogant woman and does not know what to do with her. My mom's health is spoiled too much and she is affected mentally too ...The worse case is that lady happened to be my mother's mom and she is old and my mum does not want her to leave her in old age home. This lady is accusing my mom saying we inherited all her wealth and not taking her of her now. She cries to visitor saying she is left as orphan with on one to take of her…. All she does is to make others worry, irriate ppl around, and use filthy words on her our daughter. We cannot imagine the amount of filthy accusations she makes on her daughter. There are so many situations that has occurred to us earlier but it was all prevented by my grandpa...it is so unfortunate that is in death bed now...my mom on the otherhand does not know how to take care of both of them...mainly this lady....

please suggest me some solution...this is very urgent..managing her is impossible these days. My mom, dad’s health is totally affected because of her parents…..:drowning

Regards

 

Thanks frdns...but she is like this from the start...never passive,kind hearted..always materalistic. The tragedy is my grandpa was the only man who can deal with now since he is in his last moments...we all fear of how to handle this lady. We even thought of puting her under medication...but sure she will not co-operate. Pls help with advise..

 

Thanks frnds for your reply. She is beyond medication..because one who is really sick can be treated but who pretends sickness cannot be treated. She has a strong feeling that "i have given you guys money and so tolerate me" her spitting all over, urinating does not happen in her own home, only when she is with her daughters she does that. When she is at her place she maintains her home super clean and why then in others home...just to make others work saying "after all i have given u property..you do all these " such kind of person she is ...She ill-treats all the guest, visitors to the house saying "dress up well and look for some place just to eat" as if they are beggers and have nothing at their home. She comments at them directly or loud enough for them to hear...There are innumerable things that cannot be tolerated.

Nadha,

It is not that we are thinking of sending her to old age home just becos she is old. We have taken care of other old people so well before (my father's parents). My parents are themseleves are old, they are in position to seek our help in most of the things, and in such case to tolerate a woman like this at home..who never co-operates with my mom, nurses or anyone under the sun and behaves so arrogantly at her age...it is unmanageable...Anyway when you look from your/other perspective it might appear as if we are not ready to take care of woman at her old..it is this fact my grandma takes it as an advantage...for e.g. have you seen ladies taking the dowry rule in India for granted and trying to trap/threaten husbands...it is similar kind...only those who experience the reality would know the pain we suffer in day to day life...sply when you yourself is old to take care of another old person who is so unmanageable.