Problem With A Lady In My Neighbourhood

mysonmyworld · Jun 7, 2017

Dear Friends,

My son and other kids in the neighbourhood play together every day. They all fight and patch up in some time. Most of the kids are loud and my son is the loudest. He is 6.5 years old. There is another 5.5 yr old kid who cries even if other kids say something silly to him like 'you are not my friend anymore or I don't want to play with you. My son has also said these things to him and I had advised my son several times not to say such things to him but my son doesn't seem to follow when they fight(only verbally). This kid also hurts my son but I don't interfere ..only once I had to go and bring him in when this kid threw sand on my son's face. I generally ignore as they are all kids. This particular kid complains about other kids also to his mum but my son and her son are the only boys in the group. The mom has a soft corner for the girls and doesn't like only my son..she once told him to get out of her house and my son came home crying. I stopped sending him to her house. Every time, the kids have a fight she and her mom (kid's grandma) scolds my son. It got to a point that they are mentally abusing him for all the silly reasons(got caught in catch and catch) her son cries for. I do understand that her kid cries when he is tired or sleepy.
We have WhatsApp group for our neighbourhood and she sends psychology articles targeting my son. It's very hurting. She makes sure that others think that my son is a bully. My son is not a bully but loud..he was, in fact, being slapped and yelled at by other older kids during playtime. Her behaviour is ruining my mental peace(this lady once told me that she had a dream of drowning her son's classmate in a tub because she hurts her son). I have warned my son to keep a distance from that kid but it's hard to ignore him when they are all playing together.FYI: My son is quite naughty but all his teachers and friends like him. He cracks jokes and likes to make people around him laugh...like the Jim Carey type. He reads books, studies well and is a confident kid. On the other hand, he gets upset easily and keeps a long face if someone fights with him or scolds him. Please tell me how to handle this situation. I stopped talking to this lady a long time ago. Sorry for the long post.

Thank you

SGBV · Jun 7, 2017

As a Kid, i remember playing with neighboring kids and facing all such issues mentioned in your post above.
It happens, because kids are kids. At that age they fight for silly things, and patch up very quickly as if nothing happened.
Ideally the parents needs to keep a distance and never interfere into kids' problems. Although it is important to be watchful of your kids while they play outside of the house, it is equally important to educate them to be sportive. Because that's the motive of playing together.
My parents and their peers were good at that.

But as a parent today, I can't keep calm or care less if a child bullies my kid - even though it is part and parcel of the game they are involved.
As a mom, I know how kids fight and how they patch up later on. But I also know how their silly fights can get fatal if someone is not watching over them. So, it is important to be very careful when kids play together.
And it is important to distract them and if needed never to allow them play together if at all they do not gel well.

Looks like your son and that soft kid are bad match. Your neighbor is right to be upfront and protective of her child. Her hints are more than enough to keep your child away from hers.

I do not send my kids to play with my neighborhood kids unless I am around and watching them.
Because kid are kids, and they can be louder, they can be nicer, they can cry, they can fight, hit and what not.
We can't blame them. Each kid is different and learning their lessons at different pace.
So, we can\t criticize them.

Your neighbor was rude to your kid. If I were you, I would never allow my kid to play at this kind of neighbor's house.
I would never send my kid to play with such a soft nature kid either.

Take him to park, buy him some toys to play at home and if he has a sibling, let him play with him/her as much as he wants.
Allow him to play with neighbor kids when you are ready to watch their play.

Sandycandy · Jun 7, 2017

Your neighbor's dreams about drowning her son's classmate in the bathtub is beyond disturbing . I would not let my child anywhere around this person. Like adults, not all kids get along and it's perfectly fine. Get out of the whatsapp group if t disturbs your peace. Organize play dates at home or at the park with other kids that your child gets along with. No child deserves to be bullied, definitely not by an adult .

sindmani · Jun 7, 2017

Op, please keep away ur kid from ur neighbour's kid .But such issues are common , I have seen in my parent's community home back in India. Some moms and grandmoms protect their kid at the cost of other kid's independence to play etc. Ur neighbour has gone little far as per ur post.

mysonmyworld · Jun 7, 2017

Dear Friends,
Thanks for replying. There are around 7 kids(5 girls and 2 boys) in the neighborhood and my son loves to play with them. This soft kid(youngest in the group) joins them when they are playing. I do watch them often when they are playing. It's a gated community and completely safe. We all let the kids play on their own so that they don't become conscious. At the same time, we keep an eye on them. My son doesn't hurt anyone physically. I have seen this small kid lying to his mom saying that my son pushed him when actually he tripped on a broken tile. I can understand that the lady is protective of her kid but why targeting my son alone when other kids are also making him cry. The intention of the kids is not to make him cry but he cries for everything. My son tries to avoid him but then he tells his mom and grandma that my son is mean to him by not answering his questions. My son is only 6.5 and I can't confuse him by telling when to talk and when not to talk. when all other kids are playing outside, how can I keep my son inside? I tried that for few days too but my son loves to play outside with his friends and keeps a sad face if I prevent him from going outside. I can't let him watch TV for a long time. He is a single child.Yesterday evening, all these kids wanted to go to the swimming pool(all the kids can swim except few but there is a baby pool). This soft guy couldn't join as his mom is working and dad was busy.Initially, I didn't let my son but all the kids came home and asked my permission. So I had to join other parents. This boy went and told his mom that my son called everyone to swim and left him alone(came to know through another girl). The mom sent an article later that night in the group about how some low esteemed kids know how to hurt others. I seriously don't know how to avoid this family.I am trying my best to keep away from them.

sindmani · Jun 7, 2017

Two things
1)Is it possible for ur son to make friends with any other group. R there any other kids of same age in ur community.
2)I think it will be good if u have a heart to heart discussion with the other child's mom. When ur son is not at fault it will be good , if she understands that. Scolding ur son , when he is not at fault by her can cause lot of hurt in the child.

mysonmyworld · Jun 7, 2017

I can't leave the WhatsApp group, we discuss all the common issues(maintenance, security) in the group.

mysonmyworld · Jun 7, 2017

Dear Sindmani, I tried talking to her once but she turned her face and left. I was embarrassed. I should try taking him to a park.

sindmani · Jun 7, 2017

I think then its better u completely ignore that lady for your good. There are people like this , its a lesson for us. That's all. Atlast our peace is required. Let ur son find other good friends. Join him in sport classes, maybe cricket or which ever sport he likes. Make him busy. Music, art n craft etc. the soft boy is good but fussy that's all. He is a kid. But his mom being overprotective is making things tough.

Sofea · Jun 7, 2017

mysonmyworld said: ↑

Dear Friends,
Thanks for replying. There are around 7 kids(5 girls and 2 boys) in the neighborhood and my son loves to play with them. This soft kid(youngest in the group) joins them when they are playing. I do watch them often when they are playing. It's a gated community and completely safe. We all let the kids play on their own so that they don't become conscious. At the same time, we keep an eye on them. My son doesn't hurt anyone physically. I have seen this small kid lying to his mom saying that my son pushed him when actually he tripped on a broken tile. I can understand that the lady is protective of her kid but why targeting my son alone when other kids are also making him cry. The intention of the kids is not to make him cry but he cries for everything. My son tries to avoid him but then he tells his mom and grandma that my son is mean to him by not answering his questions. My son is only 6.5 and I can't confuse him by telling when to talk and when not to talk. when all other kids are playing outside, how can I keep my son inside? I tried that for few days too but my son loves to play outside with his friends and keeps a sad face if I prevent him from going outside. I can't let him watch TV for a long time. He is a single child.Yesterday evening, all these kids wanted to go to the swimming pool(all the kids can swim except few but there is a baby pool). This soft guy couldn't join as his mom is working and dad was busy.Initially, I didn't let my son but all the kids came home and asked my permission. So I had to join other parents. This boy went and told his mom that my son called everyone to swim and left him alone(came to know through another girl). The mom sent an article later that night in the group about how some low esteemed kids know how to hurt others. I seriously don't know how to avoid this family.I am trying my best to keep away from them.
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Some parents are over-protective over their kids to the extent that they can't see any fault in their kids. This mom seems like a neighbor from hell with all her unwarranted remarks and childish attitude. I don't know if keeping away from them is the best answer.

If I were you, this is probably how I would handle the situation:-

i) at no point of time would I ask my son to keep away from the boy. The problem is not the boy, it's his mom. He's probably carrying tales to his mom in order to get attention from his mom. Or maybe, he's just unhappy that people are not receptive and loving towards him. In any event, I believe children should learn to mix around regardless of the difference in their characters and attitude. This is the right age for your son to learn the different kind of children around him. He shouldn't avoid a person just because their characters don't gel well with one another. Instead he should learn that such difference should be welcomed and accepted in friendship. Perhaps the boy will stop carrying tales and start enjoying play time if he's made welcomed and "wanted".

ii) as for the terror-mom, I would just ignore her big time. However, if I ever feel that she's crossing her limits with her unwarranted remarks, then I will just send a general post in whats app stating my views. I won't give out names but I would definitely make it a point to state "that there will be fights, arguments, love and care among children- all these feelings are what would eventually shape them up as a human. And if parents turn out to be control freaks and demand that their children alone be treated well (whilst not caring about other children), then they are in for a rude shock, for this attitude will only lead the children to be a loner and self-centered".
And I would leave it at that. How that terror-mom perceives my post, well, frankly speaking, I wouldn't care about it. It's her problem, not mine. However, if she still passes out threatening remarks to my child, then I would confront her and ask her what he problem is. If she says that my son is the problem, then I would just tell her "Too bad, I'm not going to ask my son to stop enjoying his life or keep him away from your son or from any of his friends, just because you don't happen to like him. However you are most welcomed to keep your son away from my son if you wish to do so. that's you call, really", and just walk away.