Problem in Marriage

My suggestion would be to leave, but I understand that it's easier said than done. In the meantime:
Warn him that the next time he raises his hand to you that you will call 911. If he is arrested this will likely lead to the loss of his residency spot, medical privileges and he can say goodbye to any fellowship opportunities. Doctors have to maintain very clean records.
Do not think about bringing a child into this situation.
You are well-educated,on the path to a secure, high-paying career and have a supportive family. Please think carefully.

 

I feel sorry for your situation. You are a good person and well educated to take care of yourself and your future. Unfortunately you married a wrong person and still in some corner hope that the person would change. But i highly doubt that your husband would change for good and be a normal person.

You and your husband working in the same hospital with lots of common friends is not an issue at all. It's definitely not an issue for YOU. If someone has to worry about losing face it's your husband. So please dont worry about that. Your good friends would stick with you understanding your situation.

Concentrate on your career and slowly plan to lead your life.

Good Luck!

 

At the end of the day it doesnt matter for OP if he is doing it to get physical pleassure or mental in the way of supressing her to feel superior - its wrong. Abuse is usually a power game where the abuser tries to supress and controle the abused one. To make her feel she is responsible and caused the abuse is a affective way to manipulate the abused person. I agree totally with you unless id like to say this is not just a red flag this is a full red carpet enrolled to walk out of it.

About the repeating of the abuse; its usual that abuse is coming in waves, i dont know the exact periods but its usually like the abuse happens (vulcano period or something like that), then regret and sweet talks, calming the victim down, getting back to normal and new tense is building up until the vulcano explodes again....regret, appologies, excuses, shifting of responsibility are all part of the "game".

 

Looks like its time you give back his 'mementos'...give them all back at ones.

Do you even value yourself as a person?. Whatever or however big the mistake is...you musnt get slapped...once again...YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET SLAPPED

Go file a complaint first and slap him for the reason that his name dosent start with 2...go

 

OP- It was a good decision to go back to India. Now, my advice would be:
1. Contact your hospital ASAP. talk to your HR, let them know about what's going on. Ask them if there is a way for you to keep your residency even if you file for a divorce.
2. Most probably they will find a way. if not, start applying to other hospitals.
3. Be independent.
4. I assume you've cleared all levels of USMLE, if you can do that, you can definitely get into a good medical school in India and get your MD there. keep that option open and think about it carefully.
5. Save the credit card receipts to prove his "chatting sessions" in the court.
6. If you can live on your own in the US (what is your status?), go back and apply for the divorce. It will be much quicker there compared to India.

DO NOT think about living with him. He is not going to change. You do not deserve to be treated this way. No one ever does. Once you get out of this mess, don't look back. Make your own destiny.

 

Next time he hits you, call the cops. Without hesitation. Just don't think - call the cops like reflex action.

 

Run away. There is no point in staying with this maniac. Career and other things will come to you later. It is not worth pursuing career under him/near him. File for a divorce. Don't even think about having baby with this jerk.

 

Very sorry about your situation. Firstly preparing for the usmle that too after arranged marriage is the toughest part in life i know as i am doing it right now and in addition to that you faced a lot of harassment. How could you tolerate him calling you with his ex name on your first night?

There is no future with this guy never stay anywhere near him. At least try giving more interviews i know you could get through even without his help. There are many people who have done this without anyone's help. You are a licensed doctor in India if not in US you can always go back to india and stay with your parents and pursue your career.

I am not being judgmental but all toppers in medical field are psychos cos i have seen my fellow classmates and colleagues. So be careful and be strong. He might go to any extent i feel based on his habits.

All the very best to you..... Be safe and strong!!!

 

next time he hits you call the cops.

 

Makes me wonder, what is it about us women or should I say girls, think that there is still hope inspite of knowing there is no end to that tunnel.

parents should not concentrate just on college education and make the kids professionals fetching big $$$$$$. take out the time, to explore life skills, confidence, and support. (this is a just a tap on my determined thought process..and i am doing it..and would say all of us parents need to do it..)

mnoo, nobody is worth getting your self-worth trampled for..

I wonder how does this guy get so much confidence, inspite of knowing that all his perks, his credibility is at stake, being a resident he should be aware of laws that govern abusers at least a little..maybe the fault is in your acceptance.

sh*** gets doled only as long as you want it doled..hold something against..it hits back the one who is doling it out...

be strong..you have a right to make mistakes, correct them just like he has. accepting abuse as if you are doing penance for some sin. .grow up darling..you have not committed any sin.