Problem in Marriage

Its red flags all over the place... abuse dont stand it...... if you need work experience thn hang on... get the experience in hospital for sometime and thn take a stand for these things...

 

I strongly suggest that you leave this git for the following reasons
1. He thinks it is fine to slap you
2. He has made you believe that *you* deserve this behaviour!
3. He doesn't seem to have any respect for you, or any consideration - it is unimaginable that he called you by his ex's name!
4. His attitude towards sex - chats with paid professionals etc.
5. That you seem to imply that he raped you
6. Doesn't seem to care about you enough to enquire how you are doing

It is great that you have your parents' support for whatever you decide.
OK.

You are a doctor; you know how this works. Get yourself fitted with a contraceptive device so that he doesn't force a baby upon you.

I hear what you are saying about being in the same hospital as him. Since you say it is a difficult post to get, I suggest you go back as though nothing is amiss. Once there, join your job and do the groundwork necessary to move away. Find a place to stay; figure out finances - save every penny you can, don't give him any access to your account etc.

I strongly suggest forming a strong network of friends - I understand it is not easy for you but do attempt it. You don't have to discuss your personal life with anyone you start being friends with until you reach that level of trust in the other person. Once you think you are really ready, walk out. In case he tries to hit you, lock yourself in the bathroom and call the police IMMEDIATELY. Have the list of dates and reasons he hit you. File and case and don't back off. You have a job. You will figure out how to take care of yourself.

Once you start working, they aren't going to push you out because you stood up against abuse. If anyone asks, you don't have to give any long winded reasons. A simple "I am separated" will do. I also suggest that you read up about women who have come out of an abusive marriage/ relationship - start with Nuss's story here. My story of coming out of an abusive relationship

I guess your work hours and schedules will be crazy. Do put yourself first and try to fit it in, is what I suggest.

I wish you the best.

 

@guesswho: very good advice :hatsoff.......(i was shocked to read that i seemed to miss the hint on rape...)

 

Any remote chance he is deriving sexual pleasure from slapping you? he may be thinking that you always come back to him so maybe he will someday bring up the topic of BDSM in your lives too..

 

There is one biggest red flag among everything you wrote. He has a lack of respect towards you. When someone doesn't respect, it is very hard to fix them.

Move away. Apply for hospitals elsewhere. Arrange for your own VISA and move on.

 

After your post i thought about posting the question what that BDSM actually is.. then i decided to google...after wikipedia helped out a bit i agree there is really a chance.. and crazy world it is.
No matter what i think he is old and educated enough to differenciate between a game or role play and real life, in first one a person is willingly agreing into it the second i just plain abuse. Maybe it cud indicate him having a domination issue going on.

 

Yup RedRuby i do think there is a high possibility this guy has a BDSM fetish and is getting off by slapping her... and this guy doesnt even deserve a chance because he somehow manages to convince OP that she was wrong... wrong or not the point is its not a one off incident.. it has happened a number of times and the guy doesnt stick to his word that it will never happen again.. big red flag!!!

 

Dear OP

Your life is most important than any job or career or this abusive bad marriage. I would say run away from this abuser. He has no respect for you, has short temper, he is psycho. This web chat addiction is last nail on coffin. Don't get trapped again in same circle. Try your best if you can take training somewhere else. You are lucky that so far you don't have kids. After kids his abuse will grow and you will be badly trapped in abusive marriage. I would suggest you to divorce him asap

 

I second ProudIndian strongly

RUN AWAY FROM THE ABUSER NOW.

Don't even join the same place.Try in India or find some where else.

RUN AS FAST YOU CAN AWAY FROM HIM.