Problem again... Disturbed.. and need quick remedy please

If your husband is niether doing job, nor taking care of children what is he doing? If your husband wants to stay at home, why do you need your or his mom to take care of kid? What does your husband think he is contributing(except sperm)?

 

Before responding to OP you should go through her old posts.

 

yup, ignore my post if it needed context.

 

Just had to stop by since I can see my father's character in OP's husband character. My father is just similar as OP mentioned
"By the way, after having his stomach full, DH has taken a bunch of rice in his plate for the street dogs, that has badly hurt my mom and servant that they were already adjusting their meals to give us enough lunch.. "

I am seeing my mom n dad fight everyday since I came to realize the world. My dad is still the same. For him, his relatives are in higher priority, more than his wife and children. You will not believe that he sold out one of our lands to his sister (keep in mind that my dad still has a younger daughter to get married). We are average middle class people and this has hurt my mother a lot lately. She is now worried as how she will get her daughter married.

Due to their constant fights, I am suffering from lack of self-esteem, anxious disorder, depressions for silly things and the list goes on.

Follow srividya's suggestion for short term. In the longer run, my advice would be to ditch him if you want a better life for you and your child

 

Tugga,
Its high time you advice him (In a good polite manner). Take him alone somewhere and advice. Explain him tat your mom is here for your kid.

Assign him some routine responsibilities and keep a check to see whether he is doing or not.

I couldnt understand how at this stage he can be so irresponsible.
Also husband picking up fights with MIL is something new.

 

Hi Tugga,

I have been seeing your posts since the days you were in Sudan, and I think I can pretty much understand your situation from the beginning. Before anything I would like to say, I am a person who gives at most importance to love be it for husband or parents or siblings.

Before I tell you anything more , let me tell you - I have a younger sister(only one sibling) whose case is almost similar to your one, except that her husband is working, but a very insensitive, irresponsible, non-loving, very domination, abusive physically(where my sister had to admit in hospital once). SInce I have been closely interacting with her, I know how much pain it is to live with such rascals. I don't want to call them or their parents as humans, they are monsters in human disguise. I will share my sisters story some time later.

With all the above ,if you think my suggestion helps you. The only suggestion that I have for you, is "DUMP THIS GUY from your life, thoughts" Its such meaningless to call him as DH. Do you ever know whats the reason you are in love with him, what kind of support has he given you since the beginning dear ? - emotional(remember the days you are in Sudan), physical? financial( this was never the case since he is in your life)..... what have you got by giving so much importance to this guy Tugga?

If you are bearing him for kid, so he can have a father - What is your kid going to get from him? See how he gives importance to his tantrums just to send your mom out of home, and he is even ready to put your little kid to hungry, just to fulfill his evil desires? What kind of mom-in-law you have. I have seen my sisters case, where she was thinking about relatives etc , if you are also of that kind, remember atleast one person, who can baby-sit your kid atleast for one week, so you can peacefully go for your job. I am not saying they are bad, just understnad that they have their own priorities in their life, and your priorities should not change just because they might think bad of you. If they knew everything from the beginning, they will never advice to stay with him, if they don't know such things, then there is no point in caring for their words.

Also about your mother,(since my sister's husband also does the same to my mom and dad with such bad words, I know how much it hurts, them, me and my sister) how can you leave your mom who is doing so many things for you, in such an abusing situation. WHy can't you just tell your husband in such a harsh way that -" you are living on MY income, so before giving food to dog, you should atleast ask me. Don't even dare to do that again " Do this infront of your mom and servant. Hurt his ego man... Let him go... who cares....why can't you do that. I am controlling my urge to use bad words towards your husband, just because, I don't want to bad-mouth a person who I don't even know of. But I am feeling so sad , to see educated girls like you & my sister(she earns 1 lakh /month and thinks twice to buy a nice dress for her son or her to spend 500, most of the dresses she wears are of 200-300/- she a team lead in a software company) who are doing all these things. Don't you feel guilty, when you give a chance to such people to abuse/humiliate your own parents? What kind of a daughter are you? How can you be so insensitive towards your parents and be so caring about such person just because he is named as husband? How is he so important to you that your own mother when he is so political and poor mom, bearing everything else just for you and your kid?

Be strong Tugga..... Its high time you kick this guy out of your life. I am sure you will definitely have a peaceful life, if not a happy life. You sure can give a good life to your kid, by your hard-work and patience, you don;t need this guy even for 1% of help and neither his evil parents. Let him go to hell, don't melt-down for his fake tears. And most important of all, don't waste your valuable tears for such junk dear, keep yourself strong and then you can be peaceful and work efficiently.

Finally I am so sorry for your situation and you absolutely reminded me of my sister. I wish I am there with you to hug and tell you to be brave. Hope god gives you courage through this tough time.

 

Hi Tugga,

Thanks for getting back to me. You say, he is remaining jobless, you earn hard and that is not a big deal to me.

No, you are wrong. You accept it or not. That is the big deal..........that is the core issue. No wife can ever develop positive regards for a husband who sits without earning, all the time (though it can at times be no fault of him).

It is inevitable that a wife will develop negative feelings / sense of contempt towards her man , if such a jobless state is prolonged.............there is no question of you developing sympathy towards him, in this regard.

That inferiority complex of being jobless makes him behave so with your mother, I suppose. If things start get backing to normal, he should seek any job, as it is available to him, instead of waiting for the job he considers appropriate for his degree. Then, he would keep himself busy and occupied.....he will get a reasonable sense of self respect, get rid of his inferiority complex.

You also would get rid of your sense of contempt towards him, gradually, as he himself starts getting rid of his inferiority complex. Because, the more he comes out of the inferiority complex, the more normal he would be..........and the more neutral you would get with him.

I have personally come accross so many such situations in my real life. Ours is a department with more than 60 % of work force is women. A sizable number of my female colleagues have jobless husbands. Needless to say, their daily life with their husbands is nothing less than a hell, due to the above said inferiority complex.

Do I make sense to you, Tugga ?

 

Dear IG,

I didn't mean to point out you, but your analysis may be right with many other couples, but not to this girl. Before posting anything to this girl, I politely would like to suggest you to go check her previous posts. I know its general tendency to post a reply based on just what's there in this thread, but sometimes it can completely lack the context, just as another user said above, this thread needs context.

Another point here that is worth mentioning is, this guy, who was dumped by family, let his wife to Sudan for working all alone, and never had any sympathy towards her as a single lady working in a war zone. Above all the struggles she had to face, he then asked her to stay there as he wants to resign to his then job, as he had issues with his boss..... Can you imagine what kind of a husband he is? Did you ever notice in her post that she had to loose 70 lakhs of her bank balance because of her in laws and then they let her alone on roads, requesting money from relatives for her "medical" reasons? After all this do you still think the real problem here is inferiority complex?No I don't think so.

Please try to get a bigger picture here before suggesting anything to her, as I see a REAL problem there and she has already lost considerable amount of time, money and mental peace because of this guy.Hope you don't mind me say this, but this is a special case, I would think.

 

Tugga..

I appreciated you a lot when you had thrown this man out of your life and found a track of your own.You,your son and your MOM was taking care of the stuff in the house..But taking this man back is once again a mistake you have commited..And thois time I really want to come and scold you in person for acting do dumb..Cant you see..He is not yours at all..If by any case his mom comes then be prepared to face the same torture...
This filthy creature is so useless that he cant even take care of your mother and your mom is doing so much for you..TUGGA shame on you for having this man in your house and taking him back inspite of all of us suggesting you to do it the other way...
There is no good point in him and trust me if you leave him then maybe you will find someone better who can be a far better father to your son than him...
HOW CAN A MAN ALLOW HIS LITTLE KID TO STAY HUNGREY WITHOUT WATER.WHAT RESPONSIBILITY IS HE TAKING APART FROM BURDENING YOU....I am not coming back to your thread coz I real feel bad for your son..Really and I am in tears thinking of the little angel in your houe...

 

And to make it clear I have seen all your posts..Right from your Sudan days and know what all he has doen to you..Never forget the days when he left you stranded with your 5 months old kid in your parent's house and never visisted you what so ever..He is mentally ill..Throw him in some mental asylum...