Problem again... Disturbed.. and need quick remedy please

Tugga · Jan 23, 2012

Hello.... I dont contradict myself.. But the posters here make my posts in a contradict way. They make me repeat my posts and sometimes it gets contradicts. Cant help.

Like my conversation with Vini 31...

I am sorry to be a lil blunt or to hurt your feelings ... you can also include me in your list of ppl who are harsh or not understanding n all .... but on one end u say u fed up of ur ILs n husband and on the other hand u say u'd do anything for ur DH... so who are u sacrificing for ... you telling that you hv excellent professional success with excellent finances and your average indian male DH has a complex are you trying to tell that you doing him a favour by being his wife ... sorry that imaturity surprises me ... hence being blunt
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This is what she exactly wrote here... And I replied here with all the explanations as

said I loved my husband and I was ready to do/sacrifice anything for him, just to win his love. I think I was not wrong in that, as a newly wedded wife most of the women in my shoes (at least those who are in real love/emotional type like me) would do so. But after a certain point, I learnt that my husband is not the person whom I loved, but he has changed or manipulated. Hence I stopped loving him the same way, or at least i started taking things logically than emotionally. Earlier his acts affected my daily routine to a great manner, but now I learnt to ignore and move on in my life. But it does hurt me at times, specially he involves my people into this mess. Because I am also a human being, not a machine. But after sometimes, I get back to normal state and do my activities as usual. This is what I am as of now.

When I am fed up, I used to come here for emotional support or at least to vent out... as I dont want to speak family issues with people around me, so I chose this online forum.

But that doesnt mean my husband and in laws didnt do anything to me... They have done almost all the bad stuff to hurt me and complected my marriage life to this extend. When explaining about my story, I am compelled to write about my in laws and husband and their cruel behavior. Knowing my husband for more than 7 years, I feel it is mainly my MIL, who manipulates my husband and trying to separate us emotionally/physically but not to the point of separation. Reason being, she needs my money... If my husband is attached to me, obviously he will be loyal to me. Then they cant anything from us (me). So, she interfered, used my husband's need for mother's love (that he missed for many years) and manipulated him by using him again his immaturity (that's his nature). He is just dancing as per her tunes.. Of course its his mistake, but he is not behaving like an adult to make it a point that he is doing a mistake. First of all, he needs to grow up as a man, husband and then as a dad. He needs to understand his role and responsibilities.. and then only I can expect him to understand and learn about his mother's cunning moves. According to me, he is just a weapon, and that's why I dont need to punish him. But I make sure that I can protect myself from this weapon that is coming from my MIL. Here my MIL is my enemy not my husband (though he is causing the injury by being as a weapon).
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What type of immaturity have you seen here?
Do you mean a well balanced independent woman should NOT marry an Indian husband? By doing this she does anything illegal? Oh God...
I married to him because of my love... I expect him to be a husband (not a money machine or not a ruling leader). I didnt say my husband has a complex, but off late i started thinking that he might feel the same because of his jobless state, but it doesnt seem to be the case here as he doesnt want to find a job here. Who told you that I am being nasty by marrying my husband because I have a job? Do you mean, I should resign and stay at home, so my husband will feel better as we both are in equal state then? Okey, then who will feed us? Will you parcel the food through this forum? Just kidding!!!
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Now she comes in and claims as if she didnt write anything... Oh.. Am I missing anything here?

I am clear, that I loved my husband.. Wanted to sacrifice a lot in order to live with him and did a lot too. But he didnt change. I noted that he is not going to change now or in the near future as he has no capacity to learn his mistakes at the first place. So, I stopped depend on him emotionally and started my life independently. I dont want to throw him out coz I pity on him by knowing that he will come to the street soon. So, I keep him there. It doesnt mean I love him or I want to live with him as the way I want it before. It is just I dont want to punish him because
01) I know he is not on his real senses (manipulated by MIL)
02) I still sympathies on him

Hope you understand now.

Tugga · Jan 23, 2012

Vini dear

Please read and re read my post before you start analyzing. I think its high time for me to be blunt as well.
This is what exactly I wrote as a reply to your question/hint:-

I didnt say my husband has a complex, but off late i started thinking that he might feel the same because of his jobless state, but it doesnt seem to be the case here as he doesnt want to find a job here.
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You took only this

I didnt say my husband has a complex, but off late i started thinking that he might feel the same
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and say

u seem to contradict here,
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Tell me who is contradicting here?

By doing this, you are making others to believe that I am confused? Is it the way you help people?

vini31 · Jan 23, 2012

Tugga said: ↑

They make me repeat my posts and sometimes it gets contradicts.
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since you mentioned the conversation with me ... how can onez post become contradictory when u just repeat wht u saying ...

well i did NOT post all that u mentioned ...
1) calling u nasty
2) I found certain stmts immature I said so ... well I think any discussion shud taken both the sugar and the pinch of salt

vini31 · Jan 23, 2012

Tugga said: ↑

By doing this, you are making others to believe that I am confused? Is it the way you help people?
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now that you hv clarified the post are there for ppl to read...
pray that God help you out

Tugga · Jan 23, 2012

now that you hv clarified the post are there for ppl to read...
pray that God help you out
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What what???? Sorry for the one on one discussion... But still dont understand what she is trying to say? Nothing helpful but definitely making a jam here.

satchitananda · Jan 23, 2012

Dear friends,

After reading this whole thread, I think it is time now to let Tugga reflect on all the suggestions she has received here and not get into one on ones on this subject.

Tugga, you know what problems you are facing and none of us will ever be able to assess them the same way as you do - after all we are a third party and can only get a picture based on what you have said. Naturally our suggestions will be based on our own logic and assessment of the situation. So my suggestion would be to take whatever you find is helpful and just leave the rest.

Endless one on ones are not of any use to anyone - neither to the OP, nor to the others who wish her well and want to see her happy.

Tugga, you have said that you have already drawn the lines and told your husband where he gets off.

You are clear that you do not want to abandon him. So I guess that is good for now. Let us hope that the strategy works in the long run and that life takes a better turn for you.

Wishing you all the best.

Tugga · Jan 24, 2012

Thanks Satchi...

I feel like I need to show a progress... and I will...

satchitananda · Jan 25, 2012

Since plenty has already been said on this matter and many suggestions have already been made, this thread is now being closed.

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Problem again... Disturbed.. and need quick remedy please

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