Present Indian Marriages-upgrades Required To Keep Relations Smooth .

MIL and DIL misunderstanding/fight is not a recent problem in current generation......Such Problems were there even 50/100 years back.......They had no choice then.......A married daughter had to stay in husband's place no matter what............At least now girls are educated, know their rights.....

..I only meant that either DIL or MIL should introspect patiently and solve issues.....The exposure is higher for women now.....they can even be financially independent......100 years back that was not the case........

I meant MIL from previous generation were worser......at least now we have police and law and some legal ground for protesting against domestic violence.......There are ways of saving girls from abuse.......I remember earlier dowry harassment and DIL dying from Burning gas cylinders murders were common..........they were actually murders.....

 

Most problems would get solved if the groom's parents and family outgrow their sense of entitlement over the bride and her family.

 

Even at a stage where getting brides is becoming difficult , the boy's family want to show superiority once the marriage is over.

Anyway above all, I think we women will be treated with respect only if we respect ourselves, not to remain as doormats or slaves to them..We ourselves are still in transition stage, wherein we have come out for jobs,yet remain traditional in lifestyle and thoughts about family. I think in few years from now,even this will disappear and we can expect the boy's side to stay grounded.

 

A realistic and "as it happening" perspective.

As long as the family is viewed as political entity, for power and control over others, none of these problem going to be resolved - educated or not, JF or nuclear, does not make much difference.

 

Nice thread @yellowmango. Good initiative.

I feel the important thing needed is balancing the relations. Both set of parents should keep their interferance minimal.

Definitely newly wed couple need privacy and need space to understand each other during initial phase. At the same time, they should not think family means only husband, wife & kids. There are other important relations which they need to care about.

Understanding, respecting others, balancing the relations, compromise/adjustment and patience are the main ingredients of any relation.

 

1. I heard from a Christian friend when he was about to get married that, the members of both families went to a speech\talk\preaching about marriage,bonds,love which was mandatory for them. I loved the idea.
2. Both men and women should be taught "to place themselves in the shoes of other person to get an understanding of the situation and feelings"
3. If JF is soo valued, then why not suggest a JF with girls family. (By listening to this very thought, guy might agree for a nuclear family.. )

 

Would want to suggest that both the groom and the bride should be clear and honest about their expectations after marriage and communicate them clearly.

Embellishment is a part of indian matchmaking, but when the supposed cat turns out to be a dog after marriage, the very foundation of the marriage is shaken.

Even when the bride and the groom talk to each other, many a times they tend to gloss over the challanges.

 

Wow. .
For me it sounds so childish.
She knows it is hard even to share a room with her hostel mate. She knows it is difficult to compromise on her privacy when too many people are in the house.
She knows the adjustments required in a JF when 2 or 3 generations live together. These are basic commonsense after all.
But she hopes and thinks things would magically work out after marriage. isn't it sheer ignorance ?

Oh common Satchi. . .
I don't walk alone during midnight in an isolated Indian street.
I take this precaution since I know the potential risk associated with it.
It is commonsense and my experience is irrelevant here.
Same applies with IF system. It is predictable that it needs loads of adjustments and compromises. The problems, criticism, comparison, blah blah blah are not rocket science.

Hmmm. . . This is the issue.
Since the parents are desperate to pack and dispose the stock before it gets expired, they ignore rather pay less attention on the quality of the buyers. They are on "manufacturer is not responsible after sales mode" it seems.
In fact, parents should think deeply before they chose a groom for their girls.
The should think beyond the marriage ceremony, and there is a life after that.
Girls are adults when they get married. They should have a say when choosing their groom. It is them who is gonna live the marriage.
But in reality, the parents pay more attention in teaching their girls on manipulative skills like how to win H or turn him towards you rather than finding someone as per their taste/condition.
This needs to be changed.

I know there are spook much that needs to be changed from groom's side. But let's be the change first since we are the people who need a change in this whole process.
It is easy to be the change than bringing a change in others.

Thanks a lot

PS: I know this is predominantly DILs forum and there will be no likes if I speak against the DILs here.
But I don't expect likes rather I feel comfortable to be honest here.