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Present Indian Marriages-upgrades Required To Keep Relations Smooth .

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by yellowmango, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Some recent threads and posts made me start this thread.
    This is basically a thread to give suggestions for changes in mindset and lifestyle to help the modern day marriages survive the early difficult phase.
    Please give positive suggestions and keep it friendly.
     
    sindmani, Vaikuntha, knbg and 3 others like this.
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I will start with a wonderful post from @satchitananda in another thread.Loved her post.
    Let the young couple stay separate for the first phase of their newly married life.Let them get to know each other by giving them the space.
    Let the couple learn to get to know each others families from a healthy distance.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    In the olden days....the parents of the girls spent less time ,effort and resources on the girls. The girls were marred young and the parents had less involvement in th lives of the daughter post marriage.

    These days parents put in as much or more effort in raising girls,spend a lot more resources and time on them.Their little girls get married as women .
    It is unreasonable to expect the girl and the parents to just cut off from each others lives after marriage.

    The boy and his family should learn to accept the girls family as a part of her and the grooms life . Let there be true marriages between two families....not the one sides affair it is now.

    People look for girls from'good families' not from jungles. She does not have to undo her way of like.

    Accept that the bride is a grown women and has grown up in a certain way. Accept her and her ways too if you want her to accept hers.Accept her family's rituals and traditions too if you want her to accept yours.

    Better still...let the bride and groom decide on the lifestyle they want to adopt .
     
  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    When a family wants an educated,working,good looking bride, they must realise that she cannot be expected to be the bahu that they were in those days.

    Though it is easy to suggest a couple to go separate,practically it doesn't happen in many families. So atleast when they stay together,they must lessen their expectations from the girl. This would definitely ease the situation at home avoiding a negative environment.
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Very well said. Though there is a lot of talk about marriages being the union of two families, it seldom seems to be working out that way. There is more of the 'our ways are better than their' kind of attitude along with a kind of stand off - ishness between the two families. The 'sambandhi' spirit is very rarely encountered and in such cases it is such a wonderful feeling.
     
  6. Suparni

    Suparni Platinum IL'ite

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    I personally feel that this generation including myself lack a bit of patience.....I generally do certain things and talk to people in a certain way and regret later........I guess we need to introspect or be counseled by peers correctly........

    Earlier generation were a bit more patient and hence could withstand greater misunderstandings......They did not get the kind of exposure that our generation gets......hence they restricted themselves in their own small world and did not feel the magnitude of problems like the way present generation feel.......
     
    sindmani and yellowmango like this.
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Plain and simple , girl going to inlaws family is the platform for abusing and misusing of power which this system gives to man and his parents....
    Couple should form separate family unit than their parents....
    If need arises than parents should move in with couple....
    As soceity tells woman's mother that too much interference will bring disharmony to her daughter's home, same advice should be imparted to son's mother too....
    Boy's parents should leatn to let go of their son as daughters parents learn . ...
    People should have faith in their son that he will love them and take care of them when need will arise....for this they don't have to control their son and dil's life....they should have faith in their upbringing....
     
    sindmani, joylokhi, ivlakshmi and 4 others like this.
  8. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Then why MIL who belongs to previous generation lost patience with their dil??? Instead of withstanding misunderstanding they play main role in creating misunderstandings.....
     
  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the way we raise our son's should change.Before a son is married he must know the basics of cooking, doing dishes and laundry. Our son's must be taught that just like how his parents can pop in home anytime so does the girl's parents.
    Especially if someone is marrying a working woman he must be having a realistic expectations and understand there are some chores which are to be done by him as well. Also importantly one should not marry before discussing previous affairs, views on having kids and finance.
     
  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    It does not always have to be misuse of power. It could be a simple case of a woman not feeling comfortable living with ILs. Does not mean they are not good people or that they torture her. Nor does it mean that she is being unreasonable. No one would feel comfortable moving in with new people until they get to know them well and more so until they are able to form a bond with them which makes them feel like one's own family. At the end of the day everyone likes to have their own place with their own privacy. Add to this the dreams a young woman would have of doing up her house to her own taste which she may or may not be able to do in someone else's home (mil's domain). Why should she be deprived of the experience?
     

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