1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Prenup Agreement Before Wedding

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Choosing to cut all contact with one's baby or very young child is a huge decision. It tells a lot about the person. This can very well be the reason you decide not to consider this guy further even with all his other positives.

    At the same time, you don't know all the details. You don't know how family court works. Maybe what he did was in the best benefit of all. Like a mother giving up a baby for adoption is sometimes told not to look at the baby. The cause of the divorce is not known. If you want to consider him further, ask for details. If you want to rule him out, the cutting contact with child can be a big enough reason.

    This is beginning to sound like a prenup Christian Grey would compose. : ) Again, you are drawing conclusions and making decisions based on limited information. He only said how the house might be divided. That is a start, not the final version of the agreement. If you actually get to the point of a prenup, you can include intangibles in it like the ones you have listed (care of the house, his parents ...). Based on the years of marriage, you can ask for a higher percentage in the prenup than what you will give towards the down payment/mortgage payments.

    Many of the tasks you list can be done by hired people - cooking, cleaning. You stand to gain things like coming on H4, moving to H1. Maybe even a green card if the marriage lasts long enough.

    If the idea of a person cutting contact with his child and the suggestion of a prenup feel very unreasonable to you, then, take a firm decision and write him off. But, you would be doing so with zero knowledge of the divorce details and how a prenup works. Some rejections happen with close to zero knowledge and that is fine in things like a marriage decision.

    Coming back to more basic stuff, his immigration status would also be a red flag for me. If he is on H1, you will get an H4 by marriage. What status will your child have if she is not legally adopted? Let's assume your child gets an H4 dependent status too. Do you want her to join the long GC lines and the uncertainty of life on H1/H4? Time flies. If child turns 21 while still waiting for GC, that means child has to apply for H1, student visa etc.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
    MalStrom likes this.
  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,686
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    This is your answer. Do concentrate on your job
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  3. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    476
    Likes Received:
    633
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,

    Reading your post, I could only come up with this. If it was me in your position, I wouldn’t trust a guy to care for my kid, when he doesn’t even seem to care for his own child!
     
    shravs3 and MalStrom like this.
  4. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    99
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Period! All other thing is extraneous after this.
    Thats what I wrote in my post. The moment I read this, I didn't have to read any further.
     
    MalStrom and Sunshine04 like this.
  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Which country you live in and will go to after the marriage? It will help us give more relevant answers.

    Yes this is a natural feeling of a mother. But you dont need to worry about this happening. Automatically you will reject any man who is not showing interest in you both because you feel very strongly about this and are bringing it up even before first meeting.
    Look this is not BS and you will not automatically be the loser. You are feeling like that because 1. you are only thinking about his assets and 2. because you think he sets the terms of the prenup which you HAVE to agree. Both are false assumptions.

    Prenup is to protect YOU! the guy has a failed marriage and you dont know what negatives cause that marriage failure. Suppose he has secret gambling problem, or addiction, and debts incurred because of that? The prenup will protect you from those. Dont think only about assets, he can have debts too right? End of the day you dont want unpleasant surprise, so prenup.

    Second point is you see the terms of the prenup proposed and decide. Many prenups have conditions. For example if he cheats on you, prenup is void, or if marriage lasts 10 years you walk away with 10 mill and if marriage last 20 years you walk away with 20 mill. if it comes to signing prenup stage you wont be alone, you'll have your lawyer beside you to make sure the terms are fair to you and kid before signing.

    final point is prenup is neither unromantic nor disrespectful. It is designed to protect you, your assets and your credit rating without which we are nothing in this modern world. Do you put burglar alarm and car alarm? Same way this safeguards against making a mistake. If you make a mistake sure you will exit the marriage but can you exit its financial obligations as easily? Prenup helps you do that. In the western societies and even among the richer class of Indians in India, prenup is a way to safeguard yourself so you dont get bankrupted through marriage to wrong person. If you think more about it, research and talk to lawyer about different options you will realize it is good thing designed to protect you and baby. Next you will yourself bring it up when meet next guy.
     
    shravs3, Angela123, SunPa and 4 others like this.
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    some general questions - do you know the answers?
    How can someone living in India consult with a lawyer in America? Doesn’t she need her own lawyer to ensure the prenup is fair to her. The idea of a prenup maybe a safeguard for American women - does it safeguard non citizens? Can an Indian go to India and sue the h1 guy there? These things registered in the US don’t hold water in India right? Isn’t that why we make one will in the US and another in India?
     
    1Sandhya likes this.
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    When in doubt, put your child first.

    You already have a failed marriage. Why do you want to move to the US on a H4 with your child, give up on your current support system, give up on your career and get married? It isn’t easy to be on a H4, apply and get an ead and then find employment with a baby. Who will watch the baby when you aren’t employed yet and interviewing? You need a lot of support to relocate to another country with a baby and start fresh.
    A man who can legally cut off his own child and ensure he isn’t made to see his kid isn’t the kind of support system that you really need.
    Btw, someone who shares child custody and expects you to share his parenting load maybe more open to your child’s emotional needs. Whoever you decide to be with, make sure you do some back ground checks and attend pre marital counseling to set expectations.
     
    MalStrom, Sunshine04 and GoneGirl like this.
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    From Are prenuptial agreements valid and enforceable in India?

    In India, prenuptial agreements are neither legal, nor valid under the marriage laws because they do not consider marriage as a contract. A marriage is treated as a religious bond between husband and wife and prenuptial agreements don't find social acceptance. However, these are governed by the Indian Contract Act and have as much sanctity as any other contract, oral or written.
     
  9. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    123
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    I am going through a divorce and I live in a community property state. I have a 13 year old son. I have 50-50 custody with his dad. I know how financially devastating a divorce can be. Honestly if I am ever to consider a second marriage I will definitely sign a pre-nup to ensure the assets I have saved and earned over the past 18 years are protected for my son's future. Even during the divorce discussions with my ex we both tried to ensure that the financial assets we gained over the course of our marriage are protected for our son. If the guy I marry has a child from his first marriage I would think it is natural for him to protect the assets he has earned in the past for his child's well being and create appropriate financial and legal instruments for the same. Once bitten twice shy :)

    Regards,
    Kavya.
     
    Angela123, MalStrom and Sunshine04 like this.
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,147
    Likes Received:
    5,088
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Marriages are deemed valid across legal/national jurisdictions. This is the rationale for “family relationships” based dependent visas. Not so true for other types of contracts. A premarital contract has to have happened in the same jurisdiction, if it gets invoked in a future divorce case. If the OP really really wants the doctor, and suffer through H4 life, i am positive she would get a favorable opinion from her own country’s lawyer about a locally executed prenup: It would be a dud in America.
     

Share This Page