Pregnant n totally unhappy

doomed2bunhappy · Dec 21, 2012

Hello all,
Am 4 months pregnant with my first kid and im deep emotional trouble with unhappiness. Kindly i beg u all to advice me.
My mom is here with me as i had severe nausea and had to b hospitalised.
Some 3 days back, v had an arguement over something one of our relative did to me. She was v defensive of that person and said she wouldnt fight back. Initially i was angey with her for talking like that. Then later i told i would call my dad in the evening and asked her not to mention about the fight i had with my relative and that i would tell himtomm. Then she started saying that i always take vengeNce woth ppl. This made me angry ( blame it on my pregnancy hormones), i shouted at her asking her to be reasonable. This continued into an arguement and she said she will never ever come to my place and this is sufficientfor her to a lifetime. She also has problemswith my sister accusing her to be jealous. She alwUs curses me and my soster that we will definitely sufferfor what we talk to her.
Actually she stopped talking to my sister andeven ifi mention her name she would behave as if she doesnt knowger.andshe would tell i will never talk about her. My sister also retorts toher and argues back. Butwhen v do that, she curses us back that v dont respect parents.
The main reason for the arguement, she wanted me to ignore thatrelatives comment. I asked her, the same thing i wanted u to do at my sister cos shes immature and just ignore her scoldingsn be on talking terms. I also told,if my comment mAkes u think not even to come to myplace fr ur lifetime then its only fair ifight back with that relative. Then she got too emotional and stRted hitting on her mouth asking her to b forgiven. I asked why she had to hit herself like that. That made meupset n i beganto scream and hit my head.
Then i moved to another room. I never mentioned anything tomy husband after he came home.
Next morn, whenhe went to office my mom called my dad and cried that she needed tickets for home. She also accused using these exact words that i treat her like a maid. Yes i agree i never do anything in the kit hen due to my nausea. My dh bought her a new mobile with a new number after she came her fr her personal use. I asked my dh to take her to shoping whn he had a really tight office timing with an impending exam. Earlier she was angry with my dad fr some other reason and whn he called she didnt talk to him. Later all were forgotten and today she mentions to my dad that cos of my shabby treatment to ger she didnt talk to him. Also duringthe fight she told me that my dad asked her how me and my dh treat her.
Me and my dh had the usual fights in the initial days of marriage that every couple undergo.
When she was accusing, i asked my dad how my dh wud feel if he hears of this. For that, my dad is asking me, oh now u r bothered about ur dh. What about whn u were fighting???
My sister too totally ignores my calls n mails. I keep calling her daily n sending mails and not once did i get a reply r a call. Even my worst enemy wud atleast send me a reply not to bother. Now i promised myself that i wud never talk to her again. U wont believe, right frm diwali, i keep calling her daily 2 times. Not even once she responded back. I once told her what my
Mom told me about her thinking it wud solve the issue. Sometimes i also joke about it. Now she thinks i was the one who made her angry with my mom
N totally ignores me.
My dh wants me to goto my native place fr the delivery but i dont want to. Kindly advice me if am wrong and if am behaving wrong with my parents. Even if u want to scold, do it. Atleast let me see if that brings a change in my character.
That relative, he doesnt have an intention to creAte a rift amongst us. Its a petty issue n forgotten. Infact i hv to thank that relative fr being rude to me cos it helped me realise about ppl.

lucky2 · Dec 21, 2012

itz true about mood swings during pregnancy..it caused hell lot of problem when i was pregnant..
remembr this..your mom is with u to help u in hard times....she had come all the way to look aftr you and to take good care of you..because she is away from her home and staying at daughter's place,she might have felt uncomfortable and outraged it being emotional..my mom felt the same when she was with..she was never comfortable staying at daughters place...she used to stay all alone evr since my dad passed away..yet she wanted to be independant and she came only to help me out with my pregnancy and to make sure to take me back to india to get my studies completed..we shouted at each other too..
shouting at each other doesnt mean either u or her being rude to each other..!dont be mad your mother..who else can take care of you if not your mother..we often show our anger on mom because they do care for us and do a lot and they are extremely loving
dont take all this to your heart..be happy
one suggestion from me..i used to write om sri sai ram for 108 times during pregnancy which helped me control my anger,mood swings..try doing it..!
take good care of yourslf and be happy..god bless

doomed2bunhappy · Dec 21, 2012

Thanks a lot fr ur advice... But it the lie and backlashing that triggers my anger...will write om sairam daily

sokanasanah · Dec 23, 2012

doomed2bunhappy said: ↑

Thanks a lot fr ur advice... But it the lie and backlashing that triggers my anger...
Click to expand...

Not simply other people, but also your own mindset - avoid taking a negative stance. You are not "Doomed 2b Unhappy". You are just "Pregnant & Very Ticked Off Right Now". Keep away from negative people and negative thoughts. Seek out cheerful friends and surroundings. Avoid anger. Just tell yourself that you are going to put all conflicts on the back-burner until after the baby is here. 99% of these conflicts will seem remote in rather a short while.

Change that ID!!!

As for writing "Om Sairam" - it's a good meditative exercise, if you do it very thoughtfully, slowly and deliberately. Don't rush through it. Every time you write a line, pause and think good thoughts for your baby, as if you are welcoming him / her into the world with all good blessings.

The magic of meditative prayer lies in a receptive heart and mind, not in the scratches of a hurried pen.

1Sandhya · Dec 24, 2012

You are in a highly emotional state and so is your mother right now. One of you needs to get a grip. ok?
Now you first:
You are not well and having nausea, right? Your mother has come all the way and taking care of you right? Be grateful for that. What is the big deal if she tells you to ignore what that stupid relative said? Why cant you ignore it? She may have said it because 1. that relative is prone to cause trouble and she doesnt want the matter to go further. and 2. because you are not well and she doesnt want you to strain yourself more with this avoidable nonsense. What is so hard to understand in that? What is the need to rant and rave? Cant you understand such a simple thing?

Secondly you dont understand the difference between that relative and you and your sister? You are her children. She has every right to show her anger, love, disappointment whatever on you two. Not so the relative. Where is the difficulty in understanding that?

Thirdly, you need her right now much much more than she needs you. Understand that and change your behaviour.

OP, you have posted saying that you are deeply unhappy but most of it is of your own making. You are the younger and more educated person, you are the host, your mother is in your house, you have to show more understanding and take the broader view. I dont fault your sister at all. She has correctly understood that you are a drama queen and has completely distanced herself from your drama during your hormonal time. What are you trying to prove by making all these phone calls to your father and sister about your mother? No one can help you. You have to grow up and deal with this by yourself. You are soon about to become a mother. It is high time you stop this childishness. If you are feeling hormonal or unhappy, go for daily walks, chant some slokas, but dont take it out on your poor mother who has come to help you.

One thing you need to clearly understand because it is an unspoken part of our Indian culture. Mothers dont feel so comfortable in son in laws home. You can keep shouting you are her daughter but they will feel it is SonIL's home. They always feel they are in strangers home. To come all this way, stay with you and cook for you etc they do it because it is for their daughter but there is a sense of wariness and reluctance and sense of fear about what is the custom with your h's family, they will keep asking continuously, shall I make this, is it okay, will he like etc. This feeling is present in every family between married daughter and mother. What your mother has said and done is very very normal. They constantly need reassurance that they are wanted, they are welcomed, etc. They feel in the way and out of place, even in the most amicable situation. So your outbursts now, all this ranting and raving is not helping matters at all when she is already feeling this way. So try to control yourself and be nice to her.

Only a mother daughter relationship is such that we can say all these unforgivable things and hurt each other to the point of them deciding to get return ticket but then when you go to her, put your head in her lap and ask forgiveness honestly and see she will forgive you in one minute.