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Pregnant And Too Many Things To Deal With

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Iamagoodgirl, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I am pregnant right now and I am dealing with so many things right now that I have started feeling overwhelm and out of control.There are times I get urges to shout on my husband.

    After being married three years in this family I have understood one things that its me who need to take financial control otherwise things are going to be messy forever.My husband has taken loans way out his repaying capacity.Inlaws wont stop un necessary expenses.Then my husband got depression and left his job because he was not happy in this job and he felt stuck.He says he want to build his business but he is not really businessman.

    Then I got unexpectedly pregnant.After lot of thinking I decided to go forward with it because I am already 31.So here I am working more than 10 hrs a day when I am pregnant.Paying loans which I have not taken.

    My husband was ,is highly emotional person.As days pass he has got so much dependent on me emotionally that he cant function normally without me.Without me he looses his confidence to take his business related decisions.I am living at my mothers house right now ,also joined some courses to update my skills as I want join job after pregnancy.My husband keeps calling me daily to pressurize me to leave courses and shift to my inlaws house again.

    About my inlaws,before marriage my husband rarely bother about home.He gave money in my mil's hand and never asked about anything.So my mil and fil took every decision.After marriage thing changed with which my FIL is not happy at all.He hardly talks with me.Even when mil fil came to visit me at my mothers house fil avoided talking with me.He even threatened me indirectly that he is going to withdraw financial support he giving us in difficult time.
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations, my dear. And hugs to you.

    Yes, there does seem to be a lot going on. I hope writing here was a bit cathartic.

    I suggest you write down all that's demanding your attention and prioritise them. (Sometime writing on strips of paper and ordering them does have a calming effect than listing and reordering on a computer.)

    Your health (including your mental peace) and by extension your baby's health will be first. Your course and job will come next as you seem extremely capable and are not shying away from your husband's financial responsibilities.

    Regarding your husband, let him know that you expect him to pull his weight. He needs to get back to work to put food on the table. You can't take a risk and leave your courses midway on his flimsy promises when you have a baby on the way. Perhaps write everything down to the exact words you should use when you speak to him so that you strike the right balance between sounding firm bit also understanding. Remind him also that he is an adult. Much as you miss him too, there's far too much at stake here and you want him to act like an adult and understand what you are trying to do to cover for him. Tell him clearly you don't want to hear him wing for you to return until what you are doing I'm for both your sakes is done. You expect him to support you in this and not whinge. I hope he is getting treated for his depression.

    As for your ILs, it's unfair, ridiculous, annoying and downright stupid that many parents want to control they adult children's purse strings. However they are the petty idiots they are. You can't fix then or fight them. Ignore and go about your business. Of they spend the money they have excessively, there's nothing you can do about it if it's yours, you need to talk to them and ask then to budget, cutting off any access to anything exceeding the budget. Includes cancelling dependent credit cards and reducing the amount in the bank.

    I wish you the best. Take care.
     
    Akanksha1982 and mrunalini01 like this.
  3. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations dear. Happy to hear the good news. Just stay positive and take care of yourself and your baby first and not have other's behavior or talk impact you.
     
  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    thanks guesshoo

    I really needed to rant.Intially my husband was not like this.He was infact a manly man.I have no idea how come he became he is right now.I have so many mix emotions for him.I still love him but I am angry on him for over estimating his capacity ,leaving job suddenly.Then spending savings on things like New big tv,smart phone for himself FIL MIL etc

    I feel pity for him too.Before leaving job he was kinda mini celebrity in his circle.He used to get article or two yearly about him in local newspaper.He had big circle of friends.He had fan following.Then suddenly every thing vanished in thin air.His so call close friends has shifted their priority,forgotten about him totally.

    He feels it has happened because there is no money.I think its just a life.Most of us are now in our thirty and life has changed.People want to focus on carrier and kids than their passion and social circles.But he has taken it personally.Went into depression because of it.

    He has also discover doing business is no fun.There too exist politics.

    I am more fade up with his emotional daily drama.He seriously behaves like two year old continuously needing mommy.I am feeling like I aint his wife but mother.Its suffocating.

    Then there are my inlaws.When he has little money in hand they want smart phone,cooler this that in home.I object ,tell him to keep it aside but then he gets emotional.His parents has always put his needs first their whole life.He says dont worry wife I will work hard in business and bring more money.Think positive this that.He says you are negative person.Why do you think like that.Think positive .Positive things will happen! Then comes a month end .Then he comes to me puppy face to tell me he aint have enough money to pay home loan EMI,furniture EMI,personal loan EMI,Credit card bill I get urge to strangle him.
    This cycle keeps repeating.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations Good girl!
    Hope you have a wonderful pregnancy.

    As for your husband ,this is a hard way to learn life lessons.A man in his thirties should get his priorities right.Can you ask him to give you all his earning. In front of him,pay the most important things like home loan EMI ,credit card EMI ,personal loan EMI's .Take away his credit cards...let him only keep his debit card.
    Put aside some money for your medical expenses and the baby .Rest all can wait.Let them lose the big TV and furniture.

    As for his parents,their behavior is downright disgusting. They have no problems using his money for luxuries but threaten you guys when you are down.Let him see their real faces.

    As for his depression.Talk to him.Tell him he is still the same for you but now that he is going to be a father,he needs to step up and be more responsible n life.
    He feels his parents deserve the luxuries he can't afford because they did so much for him.Ask him if he keeps spending all his money over things that are not basic necessity(now that he is financially down)...how will he do the basics for his kid.
    Tell him he can buy the luxuries when he his business takes off.Till then the EMI's and the child should be his top priorities.

    Once again...congratulations dear and vent all you want.We are here.
    Hugs to you
     
    momsky, yesican and guesshoo like this.
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks you yellow mango.I have cancel his credit card.Mine also.I feel like he has lot of growing up to be done.
    I wont come online next few days.This week I have exams and interviews.I have got one good opportunity to work from home for amazon shopping site customer care.I really want this job as it will be source of steady income and I can manage my baby to.
    This experience has erode my confidence on his decision making capacity permanently.I have decided to go higher and higher in job so I atlist my kid wont be facing this financial mess.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Best Wishes for the exam and interview Op.
    Hope you get the job.
     
  8. Suparni

    Suparni Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all I congratulate you for bravely handling the situation:clap2:.........

    Whatever you are doing now is correct.........Your feelings are understandable........Make your husband realize that he needs to get back to work as soon as possible and put up with the problems associated with work.......everyone faces challenges in workplace and the ones who are successful are the ones who face them...........

    Ignore your in laws in this situation if they create problems.........as a pregnant woman and breadwinner you are doing your best..........do not argue but remain silent........

    do not lose your cool and try motivating yourself to stay happy as your health and happiness is important for your child also.........:thumbup:
     
    yellowmango likes this.

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