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Potluck nightmares

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Akanksha1982, Aug 30, 2014.

  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ladies, I am upset and would like to vent here.

    I recently arranged a pot luck for the indians in the neighborhood. Everyone wanted to meet so i look the onus of arranging a potluck. I called up everyone a month in advance. Everyone was excited. The plan was simple, meet up at my house, have appetizers, games, lunch, cleanup. Everyone would make a dish and common expenses (juices, soda, paper products) cost to be split up by person. It was fun but I had tough time overall because of some of the characteristic ladies. Here are their characters. There were at least one of each character in the group.

    character 1: Called the evening before the event. She was to make rotis. I ended up making the rotis in addition to my vegetable dish. Also, had to recalculate the split cost and had to inform everyone.

    character 2: Came an half an hour late to the party in a low neck sleeveless dress and all the while hang around with the gents along with her husband. I and other ladies were busy arranging, warming the food. She then went on to host the BINGO game and soon after lunch went away saying that she needs to go to another party. No help at all for cleaning. For food, she said she is working (i am working too) and got only the drinks (the cost was again shared).

    character 3: Her focus was totally on her kids. She influenced the menu, my son does not like this, my daughter does not eat that. For all the fuss, she takes on the great responsibility of making rice. During the party she says she felt bad making rice only so she made a biryani (just sprinkling a few peas and jeera tadka and that's biryani!!!). The quantity was hardly enough for half of the people. And then latter she says, everyone loved my biryani, nothing is left !!! Just as we were enjoying the game, she comes to me and says her kids need to eat now. So i and few others had to leave the games and go to prepare the food. Can't her kids wait? They just had appetizers.

    character 4: She said she will be four and ended up coming 8 (Had a family visiting them). Left early, need to take the family out on a sight seeing. Made daal, which was tasteless and very blend. While leaving, she said oh i don't have money right now. I will pay you later. It has been over a week now. i hate to ask for money.

    Not sure if you all had experience with such ladies and how did you handle them.
     
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  2. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Been there done that. Hence never ever host a potluck again.

    But one of our friends hosts regular potlucks - no pre-fixed menu or anything. Everybody brings what they wish. Doesn't have to be enough to go round. There will always be some rotis/naans, couple of curries etc. The host provides the juice and orders pizza for everybody - usually so much that we all take home leftover pizza.
     
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  3. JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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    We also do t same as DKI..

    We don't share the cost of the food..

    usually the host will make a menu like appetizer, one rice, one roti, 2 curries in one goes with rice and other one goes with roti and soda and mail.. we pick one from this and make what we know to make:)

    plates and cups will be provided by the host( it its at home) it its at park everyone bring a few ( min which covers for own family)

    All the times there will be enough food, left over will be shared for those who want to take ( we bring zip lockers also)
    I remember my friends ( i'm new to the group, moved here only 3 years ago, where rest are here for very long) stopped calling one member cos every time she will bring very very less food.

    You will eventually fall in to that group with like minds, till then it will be little hard.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2014
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  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    My experience with hosting/being part of potlucks has been completely different and very positive!


    I guess with the bunch of us... planning for it is 80% of the fun... with each of us giving our opinions for the menu/vetoing/teasing... all this happens with a bunch of e-mails going back and forth with the menfolk pitching in with really bad jokes or unsolicited opinions. It's all great fun :)


    I think the philosophy behind potlucks in actually less about the food and more about actually spending time together with our group! So if someone can't cook something or just decides to make something simple... we don't consider it a huge deal or that the other person is slacking or anything like that. Some people like to cook, some others don't... some are good at it... some aren't!


    Also, we don't share the cost of anything. Someone chooses to get something, we don't care if it is homemade or store bought... it it's store bought, the expense is theirs. The host usually provides the utensils and plates etc. Sometimes, a bachelor guy or a guy whose wife is traveling will not cook, but will volunteer to bring the beverages. If not, the host provides it and no expense is split.


    When I host, I usually ask the parents what I can make for the kids... for the kids of our age group.. daal chaaval or pizza is preferred and I provide either. We usually have the kids eat first... pack them off to a disney movie from netflix so that the grown ups can enjoy our meal in peace!
     
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  5. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    potlucks and sharing cost is like killing the fun to have a fun time. When you share cost, ppl get demanding.. some think they bought you! In due course, you may prefer a no rule,informal get-togethers with shared food at will.
     
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  6. Divyavignesh

    Divyavignesh Gold IL'ite

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    Same here DKI and Jam, i live in a place where very few indians are there. We have potluck every 1 st saturday. The host prepares so many dishes and we take or do not take , its just our wish. I generally don't prepare because the host is my close friend so she insist me not to (lucky me). There will be loads of remaining food and we pack it. Generally i collect all dhai dabba and leave it at her(host)place .

    No Money at all
     
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  7. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    Potlucks are fun if it is free of politics but the prime focus is always food. One more issue is language. If two people know a common Indian language they start conversing in that local language and others are left out.

    Some ladies are so laid back to come out of the 4 walls of the house to discuss and plan events. Some cannot decide ( or act like ) anything without asking their husband.

    Hosting potluck at home is a nightmare for me because of kids making it messy and mishandling costly items. At times I feel watching a movie all by yourself is better than these so called potlucks !
     
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  8. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

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    We have potlucks very frequently. We do not split the cost. Everyone brings food.

    1. If we are doing a large group potlucks we send a mail to all the invitees. We categorize food into kids food, appetizers, main course. dessert and juices/drinks. Invitees will mail back their choice. The host usually makes a variety rice or whatever is easy for them as they have the work of setting the house. They will take care of paper plates/ glass/napkins.

    2. If we do in small groups like 3-4 families, there is no mailing.We just talk the menu and agree upon.

    3. There will be one person who organize the games. If there are any leftovers, we take whatever we like. Also,help the host to clean up.

    We need to accept the fact that not all are good cooks, or we may not like everyone's cooking. It is not about eating wonderful food, it is about relaxing and getting to know each other more.

    Once you start organizing more and more potlucks, you will excel in how to manage a potluck. consider your first potluck as they call "the learning curve". we all learn from mistakes, right.
     
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  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    For our potlucks, either cost is shared or everyone brings a dish. Not both together. for eg., how would you calculate cost of a homemade dish? It would get complicated.

    Simplest solution is just make up a menu and order the food. Divide by total people and collect the money upfront. You can say you need to pay the caterer so you need the money by x date. You will have control over the quantities so issue of bringing v less food or bad tasting food wont arise. Tell the picky mom to bring something that her kid will eat.
     
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  10. rohinipadi

    rohinipadi Silver IL'ite

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    We do potlucks where people just send email day before about the items they are planning to bring and the host generally pitches in whatever is needed. I feel you need to be more open minded if you have to make friends.
    No cost sharing involved.
    RP
     
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