Potential Issues With Late Marriages

Try not to be set in your ways like "my way or highway". You both are wiser and can make a more meaningful relationship. Time ticking should be something you have to discuss and accept, so it does not become a thorn in your marriage.

 

Reading a few of your posts from earlier, I understand that you are financially an asset to a marital household.
1. What if a merger with you is considered for its financial (cost sharing) advantages, and you get civility rather than affection from an arranged marriage ? Would you be OK with that ?
2. What if you are advised to ignore the ticking clock, and all of the consequential mess, expense, and heartaches that follow in raising a child, and that advice happens after the marriage ? i.e. How important is having a child in your life? Arranged marriages often involve trap and switch schemes.
3. You mention "no experience with romantic relationships". I took it to mean not having any experience in "relationships that include routine physical intimacy". In such a case, would it bother you a lot if the arranged prospects have had some/more/considerable experience on that score ?
4. I'd add that it is best to expect a scheming/calculating/pragmatic merger, and therefore do a thorough due diligence on the matter. Sorry for the businesslike M&A terminology; however, that is just what would happen in an arranged marriage at any age.

 

I am big time anti arranged marriage.
I have seen so many stuck in arranged marriage wishing they had known this person, their family before hand.

At 36 its better to date for a year and see wavelength match, physical intimacy, habits, balancing work and spouse, planning finance/trips/events etc, conflict resolving mechanisms, how both bounce back and strengthen bond etc

In arranged marriage both show best behavior and always surrounded by family who cover up negatives. One on one time will show maturity also

 

The only major problem I noticed in late marriages are..Infact it is not necessarily a bad thing..

You both are evolved and have your own sense of who you are and might not be flexible and more stubborn.

At the same time,you both are more matured minded and be more of support to each other ,not being too dependent and be more of friends.

As for kids,I think physical,patience,emotional and financial depends from person to person.I feel I have more patience after 30 and more focus also as a mother.

 

Can I tell you what I think are the benefits of marrying late ?
I have never felt more comfortable with myself as much as I feel now in my early 40’s . I feel confident, very secure, clearly know what I want and definitely know what I don’t want. I assume at 35 you are there already . Isn’t it better to start married life without any stars in your eyes ? The rose tinted glasses are probably chucked away by now so there is less room for disappointment.
The only issue I see is the biological clock ticking and the rush to have a child sooner . But that might not be a bad thing if both you and your partner want to have a child together. Children do strengthen marital bonds in most cases.

 

Biggest issue is pregnancy and child birth. It can get tricky. This is the only absolute...
Other than that everything is "it depends on you two". Oh, and be prepared for some baggage on the counter-party.... By mid 30s everyone has some mental baggage regarding opposite gender. One way or the other. But nothing that cann't be dealt with.

 

@pocahontas :
finding embedded responses within quotes is a tough thing to do. but... never mind.
Experiencing some "romantic relationships" is not a bad thing, so long as you can get it and be safe. Have you seen this, and other posts in that thread ? Perhaps there is something over there for you.

 

@pochahontas( these are some of my worst fears!)

You can safe guard yourself.
Financially.....keep all investments ,assets earned before marriage on your name and nominate your parents.
He can do the same......most likely has done the same.
Nomination can be changed when one is sure and it is reciprocated from the other side too.

Be clear about what the financial arrangement will be post marriage.

Economic security is one of the pros of getting married late and you should hold on to that .

As for affection.....there are no guarantees...but one can try some giving . Giving generally should result in getting some....
Hope you get lots of it .


As for the second point....you should clearly talk about your preference with him with regards to babies. The decision on having or not should be same for both....but when ,where etc should belong to the mother as she has to do the hard work of carrying and having the baby. Be upfront about your choice.

You have a lot of positives going for you.
You are far more confident,independent and secure going into this marriage than most younger women.


Choose the honeymoon location which has something for both or better still ,someplace you both are excited about.20 year olds can spend the whole honeymoon between sheets but others will want to come out for some air...

Best wishes!
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