Postpartum Changes Women Go Through From Emotions,family,relationship With Husband And Body

cliona · Jul 14, 2016

blindpup10 said: ↑

Relationship With Husband During Postpartum care-
This is my experience after delivery. Things that I share in this thread are truly my experience, struggles, mistakes and lesson that I learned. I am just sharing my struggles that I incurred with my husband. This may or may not happen to you.

· If you were like me dealing with PPC alone, my major concern was about how will I deal with my Post Pregnancy Care. Not once did I think how will deal with the child and husband. Although my husband was helping before the baby arrived, he didn’t know he will have to help me out even after PPC. Men aren’t ready to commit themselves to that amount of helping inside the house. At least mine wasn’t aware. It still is a struggle to get my husband to do few things around.

· Unified look towards family- the minute your baby is placed in your hands after the birth, you get to take a pic. Please take a pic and keep it. Hang it on the wall. Talk about how the baby brings you and your husband closer, plan things with your baby, and dream of new things including the baby. Say things like “we three will do this..” “we three will live here..” such kind of things. Your husband wants to be a part of a family. For him to be involved with you and the baby this is one of the most important ways to get him to see you and the baby as the first priority.

· An adjusting phase -You can give 200 percent attention to you husband now and he will be giving the same attention to you. It all changes with the baby. I was adjusting to the new phase of being a mother while going through my emotions/ changes in my body, my mood. My husband was also going through stuff of being a new father (his new identity). While we both are figuring out who we are (with a child) expecting my husband to care for me like he did before was hard and frustrating. I lacked the patience to express and he couldn’t understand that I was going through my mood swings and hormonal changes. It is ok for your husband not to understand, but make sure he is aware that everything will change and it will take time emotionally to settle down.

· 5 months after delivery- My husband assumed that for first 5-6 months he shouldn’t be needy. He was very nice about ordering/ picking his medicines, keeping up with his Doc appointments, helped me with dishes, not to expect me to serve him, he even cooked on occasions. Right around the 6th month, he started to demand that I need to step up and he has given me a break! Well it didn’t go exactly go as he thought, we kind agreed that we will compromise (not like we sat and signed an agreement.. frustration flies made us compromise). Right now yea, I do serve him his dinner, he does the dishes/cleans the dishwasher and maintains his medication and doc appointment. Negotiating who does what is always a kind of the struggle. He doesn’t nag if laundry isn’t done, I don’t nag if dishes aren’t done. Compromise- don’t hold each other tied to the workload. I wish I still got him to do one baby thing. It never occurred to me before.

· Your child is the priority- Sometimes, it's common for both the parents to forget that your child is your first priority and make a big deal about traditions/customs/ MIL’s advice and what not. What actually that matters is the child. This is an adjusting phase. The first year of how you handle your child and husband sets the rule for the rest (or so I have been told) and there is only so little things I could change my current situation. Although my husband is understanding, cooperative guy. What I failed to see is, he too became a new parent and I while I was going through major things (dealing with PPC/ C-sec/ caring for baby) he was left alone (mentally) he didn’t have much to do apart from holding my hand and say he is there for me. This feeling of not being a parent but doesn’t feel like he is pitching in enough is just how our society is structured (whenever I give him the duty to feed my baby- my husband is more than happy) He wants to be involved in the child care. Start to include your husbands- my husband always saw child’s duty be women’s responsibility, never once has he said it is hard or painful to feed the child. His mother constantly tells him what to do and what not, based on that standard he only feeds the baby if I insist. He doesn’t do it willingly.

· Its different for your husband- usually Indian men are told that childbearing is a women’s duty, although they are also feeling emotionally overwhelmed (being a father) they won't be able to express it. It's is hard for them because they are considered to be the father (the gender role is different) and they are given very less active part in the child’s activities (like feeding/ bathing/clothing) If your husband is supportive and wants to participate in your child’s activity, let him assist you. My husband wasn’t- he entirely believed it is my responsibility (told by his mother) all he did for the first month was change diapers.

· Newborn looks like father- For some reason, 90% of the time Newborns take after their fathers and oh boy the emotions and feeling is priceless! My husband is a very talkative and emotional guy (struggles to express) He will talk for half an hour to say it is nice. For him, he got very sentimental and so attached to the newborn, initially. It was kinda cute to watch my husband go through all that.

· The workload increases- there is babies stuff you have to do too. Like wash babies clothes separately/ fold them/ I was using feeding bottles/ pumping too (so I had to wash them and sterilize them) this is apart from cooking and maintaining the house. Try to make sure your husband is ready to do one household task and one babies stuff. I never made my husband do anything with the babies stuff. Till today he doesn’t. Establish all the rules when you are still a new mom, if you want your husband to help throughout your child’s early years.

· Also, insist on one activity with your child that your husband must do daily. From 0 3 months, (If your baby doesn’t get colic) All your baby might do is sleep… Involve your husband to feed the baby/ or read to the babies. Maybe right after your husband comes from work. At 3-6 moths- your baby will learn to flip and hand movements- this is the time you can involve your husband in playtime. While you get a break or do the household work.

· My husband grew a lot closer to his mother during my postpartum. I will state why....

1.Because I wasn’t sure how I will take care of my postpartum I had made my husband feel unsure about my capability and he heavily relied on his mother for advice.

2. When women are dealing with postpartum care, husbands has no one to lean on for support and usually, mothers/ fathers became their go-to guys.

3. During postpartum care, with a newborn in hand- some men get emotionally very attached and demand the wife to raise the child as their mothers raised them. This happens because they see their wife go through pregnancy and relate that’s what their mother went through and automatically love for their mother increases 10000 folds. The husbands are convinced that their mother is next to God and whatever she says is true!

4. With my husband because we are culturally different my family did things way too differently and whenever MIL spoke to him and talked about how I do stuff, MIL would say her opinions and they bonded by making me the odd man out.

5. There is new found love between my MIL and my husband. My husband rarely called to talk to my MIL however after the child- my husband calls every day and updates on our son to his mother. My MIL talks about my SIL’s baby and about my husband’s childhood too. these things make him feel very connected and enjoy being the apple of the eye (especially when he isn’t getting that kind of attention at home)

· The Silliness of the adjustment phase- The reality is during postpartum is every couple are adjusting to their new identity (being a parent) their anxiety, their love, their new role, along with this the couple will be going through exhaustion (feeding baby every 2 hours), less attention from partners, less socialization. All these impacts on couples differently. Some couple bond, the most couple (like my husband and I) fight. We fought about little/ silly things… which I don’t even remember (I was pissed at my husband for buying electric kettle (nothing can get silly beyond this) right around 6th month after the delivery I am telling my husband what a blessing this kettle was) These fights aren’t worthy to be remembered don't loose sleep/ love/ marriage over these things. This is common. Don’t make it a big deal. Don’t assume that your husband is bad, coz he gave you no peace during this time. This happens to every couple. Most of them may not be forthcoming as I am.

· Sex life-

· My OB/GYN told me to be sexually active after 6 weeks of delivery but I kinda insisted on waiting a bit longer. Do according to your OB/GYN or your family tells. This is a hard phase for my husband… not only my husband was dealing with my postpartum mood swings/ his overwhelmed feelings of being a father/ he wasn’t getting laid. It was quite a struggle. He began working out to cope. Today he is totally ripped. It will help men if they divert their interest into something positive, again there isn’t much for ladies to urge them to do (at least I didn’t and I was clueless at the time- After 9 months… I kinda realize it must have been a hard phase for him too). My advice- be aware of this phase and kinda get creative or make them get involved into something that your husband would enjoy doing.

· I have to say sex life took a dip. I am tired more than ever. Even after 9 months after the delivery. I am tired all the time. My husband and I are trying to be intimate and then I yawn. Not because I am bored… But because I am tired! My husband doesn’t get it that I am tired all the time. This yawning thing is such a big turn off for my husband. We are still working on the yawn… he usually ignores it.

· Because I am tired most of the time. everything becomes a task! Even sex! Sometimes, I want to have sex but too lazy/ tired to initiate sex. So, I just let it go. Please advise me what to do…?!
Click to expand...

Dear blindpup10,
I wonder how much more pearls if wisdom you have with you. Owe you a lot for educating in such detail. I am making my cousin( also pregnant ) read your posts. "Thanks " is a very minute word to express. Please continue to enrich us.
Thanks dear Bhanulakshmi.
Regards,
Cliona

blindpup10 · Jul 14, 2016

@cliona
Thanks for the compliments. I am glad this thread is helping out.

blindpup10 · Jul 14, 2016

Women’s Body-

After the delivery, there will be many changes- as I have mentioned I had C- section. I had 2 complications by the time I delivered. One is Gestational Diabetes (GD) other one is cholestasis. Because I was on the low carb and high protein diet, my liver wasn’t producing enough digestive fluids for both my baby and me. Cholestasis, made me itch my palms and feet. I remember waking up at 2 am itching and my palm and feet. Both palm and feet had turned yellow like I had jaundice. Cholestasis happens to 1% of the women population. Not a lot of women go through this.

After a quick blood test, I was put on a medication to help my liver cope. By the time I had Cholestasis diagnosed through the blood test and medication happened I was well into 36th and I was told I will be able to pick a date to go through a planned delivery. So, I gave birth at 36th week. It is still considered full term and my baby wasn’t considered preemie.

My OB had told me to be mentally prepared for a C- sec way before (around 20th week), because I am petite. For some (not all) petite women C- section is the only option because the hipbones are way too small for the baby to come through the birth canal. After the hospital admission on the picked date, my water was artificially broken and given medication for the contraction to build up. After 36 hours of facing contraction and the baby hadn’t made the slightest movement of coming down through the birth canal. My OB said its time to consider C- sec.

I got admitted to the hospital on a Saturday and my baby was born on a Monday. So my OB patiently worked with me on giving me enough time for the natural birth.

If you are in the US and take birthing classes, the nurses explain explicitly about how birthing process/women’s body goes through while giving birth naturally and through C-section.

Things mentioned is what I went through, for my body type it may or may not happen to you.

First 6 weeks after giving birth

· As, I had C- sec. I didn’t have perineum soreness. If you give natural birth, you will face soreness/ pain from pelvic area, vagina, hips, back, tail bone.

· Cramps- I had cramps. Cramps happen because uterus shrinks. I was given a postpartum belt to wear at the hospital. If you are given a belt, please use it. It helps tremendously for your belly to get back in shape.

· Vaginal discharge- Even C- section causes vaginal discharge. It will continue until 6 weeks approximately. Your nurse will talk to you about this before you get discharged.

· Breast engorgement- Breast will fill with milk. This process can cause pain. The only way for the pain to decrease is to breastfeed or pump.

· Nipple pain- After few days of breastfeeding the baby, the nipple may get sore. Have a nipple cream on hand. I used Lansinoh nipple cream.

· Swelling- Hands, feet and face swell. Face and hands won't make a difference, eventually, the swelling goes away. However, for swelling of the feet, I was told to use a pillow to put my feet while I slept. This really helped me.

· Constipation- I suffered from constipation throughout my pregnancy and constipation of the worst kind continued after delivery. Because I had C-section I was given Oxycodone. This narcotic specifically increases constipation. As I had no clue about this at the time, on the third day after being back from the hospital. I had so much of gas I was struggling to even pass the wind my stomach began to hurt, real badly. The only way it reduced was after I used Glycerin Suppositories. After using suppositories for the first and last time I was terrified of constipation/ gas becoming a problem. I took Colace after every meal and drank oma seeds boiled in water (more than 4 times a day). This helped me quite a bit.

· Urinary problem- As I had C-sec I was put on a catheter for the surgery. After the surgery, whenever I peed it would mildly burn. It wasn’t for too long. And moreover I was on Oxy, so it wasn’t a big deal for me. However, if you feel this pain… please drink a lot of warm water.

· Sweating- Some sweat after giving birth. But I had C-section and I was cold. I had 4 heated blankets covered. During the surgery, I was given morphine and epidural and after the surgery- well into that night I began to sweat and itch. The itching after the delivery isn’t because of my complication Cholestasis, its because of morphine in my system.

These are some of the body changes that happen eventually-

1. Hair- Hair will grow so beautifully for 5 months after the delivery. OMG!! I have never had such beautiful hair in my entire life. After delivery, my hair was super thick. This super thick hair was for 5 months and before it falls. I still suffer from dry hair. And I am told that right around 12-month mark after giving birth my hair will get back to its original essence. Crossing my fingers for that to happen.

2. Always Cold -I was cold all the time. I live in Cali, where October is still pretty warm and I was always wearing booties/ sweater. Do whatever your body wants you to do.

3. Cold feet- My feet were especially cold. I had hiking socks and booties. Sometimes I had to have the space heater on.

4. Skin discoloration- From 4th month of pregnancy to an entire year after giving birth. The skin discoloration exists. I am 2 shade darker. I am told eventually I will get back to my original color.

5. Stomach changes- I had been carrying a baby around 7 lbs. It's not easy for my stomach to transform into what it was before I conceived. It takes time and pleases wear a girdle after delivery for your stomach to get firm. If you are already using Bio Oil, you may have minimum scars, if you are not using bio oil during your pregnancy. Please use it after the delivery. It works miracles on scars. My stomach is firmer than it was 9 months ago.. I also do abs exercises every day.

6. Back Pain- It is common for new moms to have back pain. Especially if you had the natural birth. Use hot water bag.

These are some of the body changes that happened to me, or I am aware of. If I have missed anything. Please feel free to contribute or add to this thread.

vanpan · Jul 17, 2016

blindpup10 said: ↑

Women’s Body-

After the delivery, there will be many changes- as I have mentioned I had C- section. I had 2 complications by the time I delivered. One is Gestational Diabetes (GD) other one is cholestasis. Because I was on the low carb and high protein diet, my liver wasn’t producing enough digestive fluids for both my baby and me. Cholestasis, made me itch my palms and feet. I remember waking up at 2 am itching and my palm and feet. Both palm and feet had turned yellow like I had jaundice. Cholestasis happens to 1% of the women population. Not a lot of women go through this.

After a quick blood test, I was put on a medication to help my liver cope. By the time I had Cholestasis diagnosed through the blood test and medication happened I was well into 36th and I was told I will be able to pick a date to go through a planned delivery. So, I gave birth at 36th week. It is still considered full term and my baby wasn’t considered preemie.

My OB had told me to be mentally prepared for a C- sec way before (around 20th week), because I am petite. For some (not all) petite women C- section is the only option because the hipbones are way too small for the baby to come through the birth canal. After the hospital admission on the picked date, my water was artificially broken and given medication for the contraction to build up. After 36 hours of facing contraction and the baby hadn’t made the slightest movement of coming down through the birth canal. My OB said its time to consider C- sec.

I got admitted to the hospital on a Saturday and my baby was born on a Monday. So my OB patiently worked with me on giving me enough time for the natural birth.

If you are in the US and take birthing classes, the nurses explain explicitly about how birthing process/women’s body goes through while giving birth naturally and through C-section.

Things mentioned is what I went through, for my body type it may or may not happen to you.

First 6 weeks after giving birth

· As, I had C- sec. I didn’t have perineum soreness. If you give natural birth, you will face soreness/ pain from pelvic area, vagina, hips, back, tail bone.

· Cramps- I had cramps. Cramps happen because uterus shrinks. I was given a postpartum belt to wear at the hospital. If you are given a belt, please use it. It helps tremendously for your belly to get back in shape.

· Vaginal discharge- Even C- section causes vaginal discharge. It will continue until 6 weeks approximately. Your nurse will talk to you about this before you get discharged.

· Breast engorgement- Breast will fill with milk. This process can cause pain. The only way for the pain to decrease is to breastfeed or pump.

· Nipple pain- After few days of breastfeeding the baby, the nipple may get sore. Have a nipple cream on hand. I used Lansinoh nipple cream.

· Swelling- Hands, feet and face swell. Face and hands won't make a difference, eventually, the swelling goes away. However, for swelling of the feet, I was told to use a pillow to put my feet while I slept. This really helped me.

· Constipation- I suffered from constipation throughout my pregnancy and constipation of the worst kind continued after delivery. Because I had C-section I was given Oxycodone. This narcotic specifically increases constipation. As I had no clue about this at the time, on the third day after being back from the hospital. I had so much of gas I was struggling to even pass the wind my stomach began to hurt, real badly. The only way it reduced was after I used Glycerin Suppositories. After using suppositories for the first and last time I was terrified of constipation/ gas becoming a problem. I took Colace after every meal and drank oma seeds boiled in water (more than 4 times a day). This helped me quite a bit.

· Urinary problem- As I had C-sec I was put on a catheter for the surgery. After the surgery, whenever I peed it would mildly burn. It wasn’t for too long. And moreover I was on Oxy, so it wasn’t a big deal for me. However, if you feel this pain… please drink a lot of warm water.

· Sweating- Some sweat after giving birth. But I had C-section and I was cold. I had 4 heated blankets covered. During the surgery, I was given morphine and epidural and after the surgery- well into that night I began to sweat and itch. The itching after the delivery isn’t because of my complication Cholestasis, its because of morphine in my system.

These are some of the body changes that happen eventually-

1. Hair- Hair will grow so beautifully for 5 months after the delivery. OMG!! I have never had such beautiful hair in my entire life. After delivery, my hair was super thick. This super thick hair was for 5 months and before it falls. I still suffer from dry hair. And I am told that right around 12-month mark after giving birth my hair will get back to its original essence. Crossing my fingers for that to happen.

2. Always Cold -I was cold all the time. I live in Cali, where October is still pretty warm and I was always wearing booties/ sweater. Do whatever your body wants you to do.

3. Cold feet- My feet were especially cold. I had hiking socks and booties. Sometimes I had to have the space heater on.

4. Skin discoloration- From 4th month of pregnancy to an entire year after giving birth. The skin discoloration exists. I am 2 shade darker. I am told eventually I will get back to my original color.

5. Stomach changes- I had been carrying a baby around 7 lbs. It's not easy for my stomach to transform into what it was before I conceived. It takes time and pleases wear a girdle after delivery for your stomach to get firm. If you are already using Bio Oil, you may have minimum scars, if you are not using bio oil during your pregnancy. Please use it after the delivery. It works miracles on scars. My stomach is firmer than it was 9 months ago.. I also do abs exercises every day.

6. Back Pain- It is common for new moms to have back pain. Especially if you had the natural birth. Use hot water bag.

These are some of the body changes that happened to me, or I am aware of. If I have missed anything. Please feel free to contribute or add to this thread.
Click to expand...

HI dear Blindpup
Again must have to say ... Very Nice Info ..There is nothing to add by me. You wrote each n everything correctly..Just want to add one thing.. Due to constipation n dryfruit laddu(dryfruits powder +ayurvedic powder(used after delivery ) I m suffered with piles... drink lots of warm water n mostly take liquid diet..means Don't eat dry food.

Avanti30 · Jul 17, 2016

Hey @blindpup10 ,

Thanks so much for your posts in this thread. I plan to make a document from your all posts in this thread so that I can read , re-read when I need it, hope it is OK with you.

blindpup10 · Jul 19, 2016

@vanpan- thanks for the suggestion. I never knew dry fruit ladu is the cause for constipation! Those dry fruit ladu's are so yummy!! My mother made me drink warm milk along with ladu's.

blindpup10 · Jul 19, 2016

This is my DS schedule tweaked a bit to fit my everyday routine. This may or may not work for you and your baby. I am just sharing my routine/ everyday schedule.

I partly formula fed/ pumped. I knew exactly how much quantity of milk my DS consumed. DS consumed somewhere between 4-6 oz
Babies from 0-3 months ( if they don’t get colic) don’t do much. They might be awake for 45 mins max in between their nap time.
Give or take half an hour around this schedule. This is the schedule for most of the days, however, there would be odd days. Things make start half an hour early or half an hour late.

6:00-6:30AM- First feed/ nap

6:30-7-30AM- Prep for breakfast/ takes a shower

8:00AM- 9:00AM- Finish up with breakfast.

9:00AM- 9:30AM- Second feeding.

9:30 AM-10: 20AM- Walk/ Baby would have slept during the walk.

10:30 AM-11: 30AM- Snack/ Prep for lunch/dinner.

12:00 AM-12: 30AM- Third feed/nap

1:00PM- Finish lunch/ rest

2:30PM- Get the bath for the baby ready.

2:30 PM-2: 40PM- Baby Bath

3:00PM- Fourth feed/naptime

3:00-6:00PM- Rest/Snacks.

5:30-6:30PM- Play with the baby for a bit/ fifth feed For some reason babies are fussy from 5:30ish until 6:30ish. I usually planned around it meal time.

6:30PM-7:00PM- Dinner (I eat my dinner early)

7:00-9:00PM- Rest/Skype/talk with husband

9:00-9:30PM- Sixth feed

10:00PM-Get some sleep

12:00AM- seventh feed

3:00 AM-Eighth feed

This is my DS schedule tweaked a bit to fit my everyday routine. This may or may not work for you and your baby. I am just sharing my routine/ everyday schedule.
I partly formula fed by DS, I knew exactly how much quantity of milk my DS consumed. DS consumed somewhere between 6-8 oz
Infants from 3-6 months will be much active, they have to get tummy time/ start to pick up toys. Get rattles, that they can hold.

MY DS Schedule 3-6 months

4th month is a bit harder, coz they go through sleep regression. From 5th month my DS cut out the third nap.

5:30-6:00AM-Wakes up/ keeps babbling in the crib. I used to turn on the Musical Mobile on the crib.

6:30- First feed/ sleep

7:00-9:00- First nap time

9:00-9:30AM- Second feed

9:30 AM- 10:20AM- Walk

10:20AM-11:00AM- Sleep

11:00-11:30-Third feed

11:30-1:00- Second nap

1:00-1:30PM- Fourth feed

1:30-2:00PM- Activity chair

2:00PM-3:00-Tummy time/fifth feed

3:00-5:00PM-third nap

5:00-5:45PM- Bath prep/ bath time/ tummy time

5:45-6:30-Sixth Feed

6:30-9:00-Sleep

9:00-9:30PM- seventh feed

9:30-12:00- Sleep

12:00-12:30AM- Eighth feed.

12:30-5:45 AM- Sleep.

My Schedule Around Babies schedule 6-9 months.

I am just sharing my experience. This may or may not happen to you. I partly formula fed by DS, I knew exactly how much quantity of milk my DS consumed. DS consumed somewhere between 8 oz
Infants from 6-9 months will be much active, they try to crawl/ may try to stand up.
8th month is a bit harder, coz they go through sleep regression and they will be teething.

MY DS Schedule-

5:30AM-6:00AM- Awake in the crib/ talking babbling.

6:00-6:30AM- Wake up and place him in the activity chair

6:30-6:45 AM- First formula feed

6:45AM- 8:00- Activity chair/ rhymes running

9:00-9:30AM- feed solids to DS

9:30AM-11:00AM- 1st naptime

11:00-11:30AM- Second solids lunch

11:30-1:00PM- playtime

1:00-1:30PM- Second formula feed

1:30-3:00PM- Second naptime

3:00-3:30PM- Third solids lunch

3:30-5:00 Playtime. At 4:30Pm he usually gets cranky (sometimes needs extra formula feed)

5:30 PM -bath time prep

5:45PM- 6:00- bath time

6:00-6:30- Third formula feed

6:30-7:00- Storytime along with bedtime

My Schedule-

6:30AM- Wake up/ feed the baby

7:00-8:00Am- Coffee time/ Prep for breakfast (hard boiled eggs)/Prep H’s lunch (salad)/ Prep my DS solids.

8:00-9:00AM- Exercise

9:30-11:00PM- Finish up breakfast/ prepare for dinner/ one household chore.

11:00-1:00PM- Play with DS

1:30-3:00- Rest if possible or one household chore ( if I didn’t get to do earlier)

3:00-3:30- Feed DS

3:30-5:00- Playtime

5:30-6:00M- Get ready for bath/Bath/ Feeding

6:30-6:45PM- Storytime/ Finally to bed.

7:00-9:00- Dinner/talk/TV time

10:00-My bedtime.

I do one household chore during the week-

Monday- Change bed sheet

Tuesday- Wash all the towels/kitchen towels

Wednesday- Keep the bathrooms clean

Thursday-Laundry

Friday- Kitchen stove/ microwave

Sat/Sunday- No household chore.

I run Roomba every day between 7-9AM.

cliona · May 30, 2017

blindpup10 said: ↑

This is my experience after delivery. Things that I share in this thread are truly my experience, struggles, mistakes and lesson that I learned. I am just sharing my experience. This may or may not happen to you.

I will talk about postpartum changes in

1. Postpartum changes emotionally,

2. What to expect from family during postpartum care

3. Relationship with husband during postpartum care

4. Women body changes in postpartum care

5. My schedule around the babies schedule. 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months.

· Emotionally (after pregnancy)

Tired- I was tired all the time. That will be your new normal. Accept it. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to clean the house/cook/take care of the baby. I hired a maid service, they promptly came once in 2 weeks and cleaned up. It was for first 2 months. My mother came to stay with me for the third month, by then I had known a bit more about managing the baby and things around me. So, I discontinued the maid service after the third month. If you are the type that insists on the house being clean no matter what- please make budget available for this service for a couple of months.

· Don’t be the super women.. Give certain responsibility to your husband and hold him accountable if it doesn’t get done. Don’t nag… just let it go! My husband is a co-operative guy, however, after everyday office work 9-5, he didn’t feel like doing dishes every day. I used to let it go.. and the dishes would wait for him to be done. It’s no biggie… At least the first few months.. just mentally don’t stress on anything about the household. Just sleep whenever you have time.

· Give yourself a break! YES, I said it. You just went through a major body change and you don’t have to be perfect in maintaining everything. If you take care of the baby and yourself, you are doing well.

· Everything changes after the baby comes- The husband who was very caring towards me all during the pregnancy changed in an instant and gave his 100% attention towards the baby. This emotionally hurt me. I wasn’t asked if I ate, slept or did more work. The first thing my husband after work would ask how was our son. I expressed my feeling to my husband, he started to ask me more often how I was doing during the day. Not that it made a difference, but it helped that someone around is asking if I am doing ok too. This is common if it does happen to you and your husband, just tell him to pay attention to you too.

· Hormones crash from delivery- it takes around 4 months for the body to recover from the hormones crash. It can still be a crazy time, after delivery. I was cranky from 6 ½ th month pregnancy after being diagnosed with GD, my mood swings/ crankiness continued well into 4 months of postpartum. Right around the 3-4th month, there was a switch that turned on getting me back from being cranky to the sweetish girl. However, it took until 6th month for me to completely not be cranky or agitated or paranoid. It is ok to feel that, don’t feel ashamed. Tell your husband ahead, so he knows not to be offended. It's not like I was agitated all the time, any small things can tick me off. It's like this--one min I would be talking, enjoying coffee (something ticks me off) I am exactly the opposite the next min- I would be paranoid/ overthinking/ crying.

· Baby Blues- Right after the delivery, some women may feel a bit depressed. It may include mood swing, sadness, insomnia, and irritability. I faced Baby blues- For the first two weeks, I was way too cranky, agitated and even paranoid after I got back from the hospital. I never felt I couldn’t take care of the baby or suicidal. In fact, I can tell that I became a perfectionist in keeping the baby happy. I would do everything not to make the baby cry! Even now my husband’s complaints that I overdo with maintaining the baby’s routine.

· More about Baby Blues- Baby blues is like feeling all emotions at once (sometimes you don’t even want to accept these emotions exist within you). YES, that’s how I felt, I was happy coz I have a tiny baby who is sleeping in my room, I was tired, I was overwhelmed by all the information, I was nervous if I am doing everything right, I was getting less attention from husband,less attention from everyone (everyone will talk to me just about the baby and not about me). These feelings can get way too complex and when I was feeling all these things at once, I just ended up crying for no reason or way too many reasons unable to express. It is ok to feel baby blues and hormones dropping after your delivery are the main cause. Make sure you and your husband are aware of this phase and have as many friends/ family come to meet the baby/ Skype helped me. I didn’t stay at home much. I was allowed to take walks after the 6th week of delivery. I took the stroller and baby out too. Get fresh air.

· Postpartum depression (PD) is more severe than baby blues. Postpartum depression if only considered when there are suicidal thoughts and inability to care for newborn. This happens because of hormones crashing after giving birth and milk starts to flow. Your OB will talk to you about PD during the later stage of your pregnancy around 33rd week. If your OB suspects you are a candidate for PD, she will ask you to have a couple of session with therapist. It is better to start this during pregnancy rather than later, with the baby.

· Winter is a bit harder- try to have florescent lights in the house, this helps big time. Even for the baby to distinguish between day/ night.Consult your OB and if advised start to take Vitamin D during winter.

· Try to have a weekend planned- This helped us big time. My husband and I didn’t confine ourselves indoors. Maybe the first month we didn’t actually plan out the weekend. But, quite soon we made sure we kept our self-busy on weekends. We planned one-day trips. Temple/ beach/ friends house (invite yourself)/ invite them. This planning and actually going through with the plan and getting out of the house helped me emotionally. The process of getting ready ( baby/ me) itself is something that I looked forward to.

· If you have family in the US, ask them to visit you and the baby. This helped me quite a bit. Having family time feels good.

· Listen to calming music/ shloka’s/ classical.

· I watched loads of Kannada movies around this time.

· Being an emotional wreck is common during postpartum and it is one such topic which isn’t spoken about (Indian families). My mother could see me go through most of the stuff.. but she had forgotten about her postpartum, she hardly could give me advice before hand or even after delivery. Try to talk to your mother/ aunt/ family support system or recent mom’s/ friends who have given birth how they handled it. Because everyone faces things differently.

· Good luck and happy hormones ride.
Click to expand...

Wonderful..... me need this now again.... was searching for this post.... brings tears

blindpup10 · May 30, 2017

cliona said: ↑

Wonderful..... me need this now again.... was searching for this post.... brings tears
Click to expand...

Hi Cliona- how are you? How are your children ?

cliona · May 30, 2017

Hi blindpup10.
Staying at home with a small 7.5 month baby and no mental stimulation and only baby chores... very tough. Although this time i don't have PPD......but mood swings are there ..... Due to which frequent fights with mother inlaw...... Yesterday,it reached peak.........Went and joined off yoga. Now feel better. This post is helping me a lot..
Thanks dear,

Cliona