Pls suggest i have many problems with joint family and am pregnant now

swathimanindra · Oct 8, 2012

Hello Ladies

I need a suggesion from u. Am married since 3 yrs and i stay in joint family consists of me ,myDH and My DH brother family my MIL and FIL doesnt stay with us.. They stay in other city.. They offenly visits here(once in 1 month or 2 month)..But my FIL leaves to his place and my MIL stays with us.. I feel his house as a hell. As i entered into this home i have difficult time.. i dont have freedom to do any thing..This three years are worst phase in my life and i find it difficult to stay here.. My in-laws doesnt want us to saparate.

My MIL and Co-sisters are such a persons that i hate them like anything.. My Mil stays with us for 1 to 2 months and she will show hell..Everytime she will be in back of me..She will never allow me to wear new dress..If i wear anything new in front of her she will scold me like anythin..that am wasting all her sons money..Everday we have one ramayanam in my home.. My Co-sister is such a idiot that she doesnt care for me insults me in front of all.She is elder to me and wants everything on her hand.. its ok she is elder to me and hand everything but she blames me for everything.that am not doing any work at home.. As i got married i was in my 1st yr MCA and now i have completed.. Everyday morning 5:00 I used to getup along with her cooking and household work..But she never cared for me..She will tell her husband that she is only one in home who is concerned about everything but am the one does everything at home..I used to go to college and i used to do household work everyday.. but she is blaming me that am not doing anything.. Everyday is like hell to stay along with her.. She will leave our house open when am sleeping my bedroom door closed.. she will not intimate me wher she is going.. but she counts we ever we does.. she will complaint about everything to my MIL but i never did that.
Coming to my MIL.. She is a woman but cannot understand other women . She will feel hurt me like anyhing ..Since i got married i have sufferd for 2yrs with Urine infection ..it was worst time in my life.. I use to have continous plevic pain for whole day.. But by gods grace now iam get rid of that.. Even that she dint belive me .. she use to curse me.. Very publicly she will discuss about my urine infection and menstrual problems... i used to feel bad..
AS i said she stays in different city.. she want me to call every day ask about her.. But honestly i dont have any interest to call because whenever i call her she will shout at me for everthing i dont like that.. to say am scared of calling her.. if i dont call her she will complaint about to her DH

Lastly am pregnant now...Again problems begin now.. everyday she will call me and ask to tell everthing whatever happening to me at this stage to my Co-sister who never bothers for..how can i share such things to that lady.. She will never think of my wellness.. She hated me(why i dont know) i never her back answer or anything.. She want to balme me... now am working and from tomro am going to leave my job.. Am stressed and in tension what to do i doesnt want to stay at home.. They dont even allow me to go to my parents place.. I worried taht i have this affect on my child..am so deppressed ..sometimes i feel like ending my life.. i dont like this life... i dont have freedom to talk, eat and go out and do wharever i want.. pls help me:drowning:drowning:drowning

Glima · Oct 8, 2012

Your DH has to take things under control. Speak to him and ask him to be firm on these issues.

revathysankar · Oct 8, 2012

HI Swathi,
First congrats you should be happy that you are going to become mom..
so behappy for that..
next speak to your husband tell and explain him about all your feelings and problems.
Next you go to your mom home by this time you need more rest and healthy foods Atleast for time being stay with your parents tell to your husband and go..

Dont feel or worry much as it affects baby..
I dont know much to say or give idea for sloving your problem..
take care enjoy..
Dont worry life will change as you wish soon

shwetanayak8 · Oct 8, 2012

Hey dont worry dear everything will be alright. first of all congratz for you baby , 2ndly ignore those monsters and concentrate on your baby and pregnancy. think good and positive, and why are you thinking of ending up your life for such people??? take your DH into confidence and make him understand and clear of each and everything and detail and listen to what he says. I hope he must make justice to you

sumaramesh · Oct 8, 2012

Dear
Congrats on your pregnancy..

Unless you stand up for yourself , nobody;s gonna help you..

Explain your DH things very clearly, and share house hold chores, and tell
them once you finish it nobody should question you..

Request your doctor to tell your dh that you need lotts of rest . (Tell doc about your situation,
when she does check up). Site this reason and stay on and off at your parents place.

Ignore everything and try to be as much as peace and happy...
May be once you have baby, stay there and ask your dh to do separate house and only then you return.

SamidhaRS · Oct 8, 2012

Hey Dear, first of all congratz for ur baby. take care of yourself. don't b so negative dear, you shud b happy in these days

After reading ur post, me too wonder about ur husband's stand on this? Is he with you? If yes, then you can win
any battle. Or like other said, talk to him, make him understand the situation.

I like the suggestion given by sumaramesh, take help from your doctor, that can be the best way.

Take care