1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Plight of Aged Parents with single daughters

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by vidyavisu, May 12, 2009.

  1. CuteTechie

    CuteTechie New IL'ite

    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    We are two daughters and I am the eldest. My younger sister is in studies still.

    I have problems with my DH and inlaws. Their main intention is daguther's parents are there to serve, give money, taking care etc etc..but they dont deserve to be cared for. I do not know whether I can take care of my parents at their old age. Some times,this makes me worry but still I hope for good.

    Even my parents say that they do not like to come and stay in daughter house. I get annoyed at this concept of daughter - son. Though I can not do anything for now, I pray God that I should be able to take care of my parents. It is the responsibility of me and my sister both.

    The ideas which are shared here are very nice. Learnt a lot from you ladies. :hatsoff
     
  2. ennaye

    ennaye Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    54
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Have gone through this too. My daughters MIL spoke very rudely to me once and since then I have not gone out of my way to please her. Once a crack appears in any relationship it can never remain the same. Of course I am polite whenever we meet but I know that has no meaning.

    So when your parents say they don't like to come to daughter's house, I can understand their feelings. But it should not deter you from being their loving daughter and fulfill your responsibilities. Your DH has to understand this.
     
  3. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    491
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear CuteTechie,
    Cheer up. There are many girls like you.

    The main intent of our PIL's seems to be to create a hatred in our husbands of our parents and family members, so that our husbands refuse to take our aged parents into their shelter, if the need arises. Our in-laws try to be (or pose as being) the best, most loving and most caring parents and parents-in-law and make our husbands dislike anyone else for that matter.

    Keep in mind that it is truth that finally triumphs.
    Regards,
    Sandhya


     
  4. swaram

    swaram Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Most of you have mentioned what you would like to do when you get old or what you would like your parents to do etc. Has anybody discussed this with their parents and what are your parents/IL's plans when they get old.

    In my case I know my mom does not like US so she will not come here, we are 2 daughters and both in US. But she will not go to any old age home either. Her solution - you both comeback and take care of me, she doesn't understand that going back is not a decision that can be made overnight. I have tried telling her to buy a house closer to her siblings so he has her own house and people are close by if needed, she doesn't want to do that too.

    Swaram
     
  5. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    99
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Swaram, we have discussed this with both sets of parents. Neither set wants to immigrate here, so we have to go back to India eventually. It was hard to accept this initially but this needs to be done as BOTH of us want to be there for our parents, as they grow old and frail.

    Maybe after their time, we can return here as we're sure that our kids will be here for their higher education and being citizens, could possibly marry and want to settle here. So, as we get older, we'll simply get back here and choose to live close to one of them, so that we don't thrust the same dilemma on our own kids.

    This is something that your sister & you would want to think about as a possible solution, too.

    Good luck!
     
  6. CuteTechie

    CuteTechie New IL'ite

    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Ennaye!

    That is true! My MIL is always ready to throw tantrums even before the situation comes..My parents are very sensitive at heart and self respect. I hope God will show me a way by the time my parents get old.


    Thank you so much for the support Sandhya!
    I got lot of strength from your words. Really,it is a blessing to know that there are people ready to share our pains, give suggestions and support. Thanks to Indus ladies...


    Malyatha!
    Your ideas are always practical and are very good...I like the idea of living near to both parents and supporting both..
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2009
  7. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    99
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks, CuteTechie!
     

Share This Page