Plight of Aged Parents with single daughters

Hi, you have said you have learnt from experience, would you like to share what your experience was with caring for your parents?

 

Not a LOT, but EVERYTHING depends on the relationship that a MIL has nurtured with her DIL through the years, esp. the initial years. A MIL cannot abuse a DIL for many, many years and then suddenly expect that the DIL should forget everything and take care of her. The older woman should realize that as she get older, she will be at the mercy of her sons' wives because, practically speaking, the woman is the operational head of her household and hands-on care of her in-laws will fall on her shoulders. MILs would be smart to get this and treat their DILs with respect and courtesy FROM THE OUTSET if they will even REMOTELY expect or feel entitled to their DILs' assistance and / or help in the future.

 

malyatha, ur 2nd option of having ur parents on the same area is a superb choice. (its my personal opinion). i think i can also consider this for me. but now my parents are fine. but in their old age and if they cant do anything for themselves i will apply this idea. parents will enjoy their own space, have childrens near by, have all facilites. superb malyatha.

raha

 

i think the plight of all aged parents should be of concern for the children.i personally wouldnt want my parents to go to an old age home when they find themselves unable to look after themselves.my conscience would not forgive me if we their children cannot find time or resources to take care of them.when it is our turn my husband and myself want to go and live near our relatives if our children are abroad so that we have known and close people around.and when we are too ill we definitely hope our children are there for us.

 

One of the issues that has not been mentioned here is how the kids benefit when the grandparents are around.

As an adult if I chose to have my in-laws or parents with me then I send a clear message to my kids that human relationship are more important than materialistic comforts. Material comforts include sharing a bedroom, watching TV in a low volume or sharing a cupboard with the grand mother etc.


Many times we are so focused on giving these little materialistic pleasures to ourselves and the kids that we forget that they (materialistic pleasures) are coming at the cost of human relationships.

 

If you think it is too personal to relate here, don't reply, but can I ask what are the circumstances which preclude your parents from staying with their sons? Only reason I can think of is that the sons are abroad. Is that so?

 

i am the first girl child in my family, will i accept my mom or dad, staying in a old age home, or esle will i accept my MIL, staying in such a home. we are here to take care of them

 

We are two daughters and I can see myself facing the same situation sooner or later .

Right now my parents are fit physically and can perform their own tasks but for the future they have been planning to go and stay at an Old Age home.

On the other hand I have been told from day one that my inlaws will live with us and I will have to take care of them ( maybe cos my MIL likes me more than my co sis ) , imagine what will happen to my conscience .

I really liked Malyatha's idea ..maybe I will keep them at a close distance to me , so that I can fulfil my duties as a DD and a DIL .

 

Yes, I too agree with Malyatha's idea. Once we return to India for good, parents staying in a house very near mine (while we live together with my in-laws). Though my husband has told me occasionally that we can support my parents if need be, I dont think it will be possible to bring them to live with us. I can foresee lots of issues with my husband himself, and lots of issues by my in-laws. And on top of that, my parents wouldn't like to move in with us either.

I dont know how far this will be possible in my case - asking my parents to shift to my city and settle down near my house. Old people are so resistant to move out of their "shetra", you see... If they are willing to be under my care, then this is the best solution. Otherwise, a lot of convincing needs to be put in to make them move out of their comfortable house where they have been living for years. Since I have a sister, who lives in yet another city, I am puzzled how it will work out... Probably our parents would have to settle down permanently close to either of us... we dont have a fixed plan yet.

Sandhya