Plight of Aged Parents with single daughters

is her mom a widow? ( iam sorry, i want to clarify my doubt), is she an elderly lady?. did she speak with her DH before bringing her mom here? where is she living. i mean @ IL's place or her own?

But dear, let me tell u that all parents who produced only daughters( including me) will not have a support as parents who have produced sons.

i would suggest ur friend to shift her mom to a place very near by. that would be better. becoz bringing our parents always invites trouble for all us . that can done only if DH agrees.

raha



raha

 

Priority should be her husband and daughter. BUT, that doesn't mean that she does not make arrangements to take care of her elderly mother, too.

I am curious about her brother's refusal to take care of the old lady. He must be a real moron, to not even care about what his mother is going through. What is his REAL reason for not caring about his Mom?

 

I am aware of this fact...I have a daughter. Now that old age is a reality in the next 15 years for me, I am already prepared to walk into an old age home. I have learn't from my experience...My parents lived with me till their death and that was a sign to watch for carefully. I think mental preparation eats away that morbid feeling..of passing away.

 

Come onnnn..should the mother be left alone just because she's given birth to a girl? If her MIL faced a similar situation wouldnt her husband bring her to stay with him? Parents are parents whether they've given birth to boys/girls. She could keep her mom with her for may be 6 months of the year, also let het in laws visit her when her mom is away, kind of keeping balance between mom and in laws. may be that would keep her mil happy?..

 

hi dear:

i told my hubby regarding this. he said" it is not fair on his part to talk like this. he should understand the situation and accept her to stay. if this happens to his mom what he will do?. if the wife the says she cant take care will he agree?"

tell ur friend to ask the same question " if she is ready to leave her mom in a old age home, will he do that for his mom?,if he says no, then no applies to her also

raha

 

Very interesting thread. And some ladies have replied true to form.

It is indeed a very sad day for a son or a daughter to not be able to take care of their parents. Young people have a very facile solution--'put them in an old age home'.

But does anybody know how they feel about it?

In there days of old age dependence they would like the security of being with their children. I have seen old widows not saying a word about the ill treatment of their children so that the world does not think bad of their children. Old age abuse is not a figment of imagination.

Some ladies hate their inlaws so much, for whatever reasons, that their inlaws can look forward to abusive behaviour from their DILs if ever they live with them.

No parent, whether the son's parents or the daughters parents should have to live alone or in an old age home. It is just not our Indian culture. If the elderly have no children then there is no alternative.

A friend is an only child of his parents and his wife too is an only child of her parents. Bothe sets of parents are in their 90s and both are living with their son and daughter. It is very difficult at the same time hilarious how they both deal with the problems of their parents.
The daughter's father is forever complaining that his son-in-law does not take as good care of him as he does of his own parents and so do the parents of the son . All said and done both are taking good care of both sets of parents under the same roof. It s not easy looking after the old parents but this couple are doing a good job of it.

My friends' advice to his children is 'Don't have a single child'. Daughters or sons have more children so that at least some child is there for the parents. The single kids have a tough time.
But care of parents is a must. No question whether the child is a son or a daughter.

 

I want a honest answer to this guys. Its very easy to write that parents of both the wife and husband shd be taken care of and no exceptions. I want to know how much of this statement is practically feasible.

What can parents of a single daughter or only daughters normally do? Like many have pointed out here do they really stay with their daughter's family? Even if the daughter is earning and adamant enough to have her aged parent(s) with her, do the ILs take it easily and not taunt her? I have seen many cases where my friend lost her dad unexpectedly and kept her mom with her while her husband was working abroad. Her ILs made the situation so bad that she is now thinking of seperation.

It is automatic and expected that if a man's parents get old or if either of them pass away, they stay with the son and DIL and DIL should take care of them. Is the expectation the SAME when the situation is with the parents of the daughter?

 

That is how patriarchy operates.

My parents have two sons but they are not in a position to live with either of them on a permanent basis. I am willing to take them in, if needed, but they openly told me that Society would spit at them if they lived with their daughter! So, currently, our plan is that when we move back, I will live in the same compound as my in-laws, who recently enlarged their house to make provisions for two SEPARATE living areas, so that even though we will technically be living in the same house, we will not be living WITH them.

I have told my parents that when they are no longer able to care for themselves, they would have two options. One is, obviously, the nursing home choice with me visiting them two or three times a week for a few hours each visit. The other is that they could sell their house, and move into our neighborhood (maybe to a flat or a house a few doors down) so that they can enjoy a homely atmosphere with me checking in on them as often as I want to. If their health declined to the extent that they needed medical attention, then we would hire a nurse or nursing aide to provide them with round-the-clock care while I would take charge of their food and other needs on a day-to-day basis (which should be easy as I will be living very close to them).

My in-laws should not have a problem with this arrangement. Frankly, even if they did, I don't CARE! I don't see why I should not look out for MY parents when their son and his family lives in the same house as they do, and will be on call 24/7 for them!