Please talk to me.. is it compulsory to have kids?

DianaRose · Mar 21, 2014

I need ur valuable sugesstions, motivation or advice or by what ever name u call it…but pls talk to me…

Am married for the past five years with no issues. For friends to whom am new, pls check my post, under "relationship-with-in-laws/am-i-exaggerating-unnecessarily"

My F-i-L expired in Nov 2012. B-i-L got married in May 2013. Till such time I had a very stress full life, I do not know if bcos of which I was happy for not having a kid. I dint want a child with the characteristics of my in-laws family incl. my DH. May be I sound very harsh, mean, brutal, foolish or may be something else. But i assure that I have never prayed to god either for having or for not having a child. I have always prayed only for the happiness of my DH, since my sis used to tell me that I can live in peace only if he is leading a peaceful life, i.e with happy parents and siblings.

Now the situation has changed and am a bit stress free. Since my b-i-l got married, we cud smell his attitude of always making a comparison betw us and his life. Now my co-sis is in her family way.

Getting back to my prob, now since my co-sis in her family way, I feel that my DH is a bit upset…not for her, but for our life. I too feel bad for letting down my DH in front of others.

Now I feel serious abt hvg a kid, but still some incidents make me think negative…so, still am in dilly-dally… Am also scared abt my age for thinking of a kid. We have'nt taken any steps till now other than trusting god. My DH used to ask me to pray for a kid whenever we go to temple...but i had never prayed.

Will life be too empty without kids??? is it compulsory to have kids..

Twinkel · Mar 21, 2014

Other issues kept aside, it's a logic that if you are married for 5 years , have not been under any family planning or pills and still haven't yet conceived, it is infertility and you both should meet a fertility specialist. Isn't it?

luckwaves · Mar 21, 2014

Dear DianaRose,

Life is complete if we are happy with what we have . It's not like having a kid/ enough money/materials makes life complete (JMO).

Its good to raise a good in a peaceful life style dear. As you say you are little stress free now . So start moulding yourself to become a role model mother to your to be born kid . As people say situation changes once you have a kid so the same way all your marital issues might come to an end after a birth of your LO. Keep your in laws issue aside . Start tracking your ovulation and have IC accordingly and still if it fails then consult a fertility specialist and act accordingly .

Take care and I wish you soon succeed in your life .

sumalynux · Mar 21, 2014

Dear OP.

Please remove this thoughts from your mind that your kid
would be like your mil/fil/sil or even your dh..

I feel most of characterstic of kid/person forms the way its raised,
and secondly the environment it grows up also plays part.
so you can always raise kid in positive enviornment with good values...

If your NOT UNDER Pills/Family-planning, 5yrs is high time to conceive.
Immediately consult a Fertility specialist.

Even otherwise if you are above 27+ Better to consult a Gynec, as she
could do basic checkups and provide some prenatals to try and conceive
naturally for 6months (If nothing hppns better consult Fertility specialist)

Forget about your SIL or Co-sister everybodys life is different, build a
good relation with your dh, and spend quality time with him..

jaden · Mar 21, 2014

You wanna have kids because your sis in law is having one???You should have kids because you want them,and not because some xy or z is having one.

Anyways the decision of having kids or not having is totally your outlook,and this decision shouldnt be under anyones influence.

generic · Mar 21, 2014

Went thru ur previous thread, looks like u had a very hard time while staying in joint family...Due to stress u lost interest in starting family...Don't know ur age, but if u're married 5 yrs I'm assuming u r in late twenties/early thirties so do not delay this decision too much...U really want kids or do u feel left out becos co-sis is in family way? Analyze ur feelings and decide what u want in life...If u really want kids, start trying right now as u've already delayed for 5 yrs...Better to go to a good gynae and get a good checkup of ur reproductive health...

shantana · Mar 22, 2014

u probaby were not in to babies before. but now, since u and ur dh are happy and having peaceful life, its probably a good time to bring a new addition in to ur family. having kids is not a must but a bless. after few more year u might regret for not planning for a baby earlier. think carefully and plan it before it gets too late.

were u on any contraceptives in these 5 years? because so many ilites are raising questions why u didnt get pregnant at all for this long. if u were on contraceptives and u didnt get pregnant at all, its high time u shud make a decision and opt for proper treatment if u like to have a baby.

Mona2312 · Mar 25, 2014

hi dianarose,i will only say that keep ur all problems and stress aside and concentrate on ur fertility problem. after 5 year of wedding i think this matter most important. afterall we all ladies become complete lady after having our baby in our laps. so plzzz go to a doctor and take advices

indoc · Mar 25, 2014

Your co-sis is pregnant, so you too want a child now !!! This is messed up thinking. This ain't no contest.. Yes, we must have kids, but have them when you can give your kids love & affection & care.