Please Suggest

Oh my god. Why do some men don't understand that some things need to be separate after marriage. this is not 70s or 80s where you have big farm land.

this is going to sound uncomfortable. But you are absolutely correct.

I would go as far as paying your BIL his 40% percent infact i do not mind gifting your BIL 1 lak to 5 lak and helping .

 

Soraj , I don’t think your husband has any bad intentions not including your name. It’s just that some Indian men are still coming to terms with financially independent women having a equal say in financial decisions. So it’s for you to reiterate your position and not be confused or even traumatized and hurt in the process. If you contribute money it has to be on your terms. The first step to achieve this is to include your name ( specially since the loan is in your name) . Also be aware and not hesitant to question every financial transaction or legal formality. Not because you think they want to cheat you but because you have a right to ensure that your hard earned money is being utilized effectively.

Most men are not wired to understand the complexities of relationships , your husband thinks of his little brother as his family and probably thinks all of you will live happily in the house and hence sees no problem with the unequal contributions. He maybe right but there is a high chance that there will be resentment on your part living with a SIL ( and BIL) that have contributed less than you have.

Lavani’s suggestion is really good, why don’t you pay BIL his 40% and make this deal simple and straight forward.

Be firm , unapologetic and clear about your decisions . But dont ruminate and let this overshadow the joy of motherhood. Let your husband enjoy being a father too. Take care !

 

Don't worry be happy...congrats for your motherhood...this time will not come again....

Your name is in your husband property is there or not no issue...by law you can claim your rights, if need arise(in worst scenario).

May be he had some good deal and some thought in his mind and have confidence that you will understand him. market is stragnant for coming years too....Accumlate corpous and buy good home with less emi...

Keep faith, time will clear all doubts.

 

You are right @soraj . Please sit down and explain to your DH that as a new mother you would prefer to stay home and raise your kids , by going to work you are depriving atleast something to your kids , hence your hard earned money will be utilised only for your kids future and not to be extra generous to BIL. Im sorry but Ur DH comes across as shrewd to do this fiasco in your absence after having discussed everything with you. hopefully fatherhood will change him .

 

1)Op....if he had done this with your knowledge,then you could say this is a gender thing and he assumes property being in his name is the right way.
Here it is not the case. The property was registered in the name of the sons while the loan taking outsider was left out .
He chose to register the property when you were not present . That was intentional.

He booked and registered the property in 20 days.
Property registration can be delayed. It was not an emergency.

So you are good for taking a loan which he or his brother can't get but not good for being named in the property. Take this as a learning experience . Do not forget and don't sign things on trust again.

2) As for the house, a two bk joint family house neither makes sense as a good investment nor as a good living arrangement.

What is the plan?
Both brothers will live in two bhk flat with families?Not a very good idea.

If it is for investment ,joint property is a bad investment. Any thing that can not be sold at will is not an investment. What if you people need to sell in need and brother doesn't want to sell ?
I know of people sitting on crores worth of joint property but living poor lives because they cannot sell the property for betterment of their lives and their children's lives.It is pretty sad.

So what can you do ?
1) You can buy out the brother so that the house is owned by your husband and you. This is the best option but it is likely to cause problems since you live in a joint family.

2) Consider this investment as a bad decision but let it be on the names of the two brothers.

Don't insist on adding you name to the property if it means putting more of your money into this house. You stay out and tell them clearly you will not be paying a single rupee. Let your husband deal with his share of the emis.

Your husband might try to shift the responsibility of running the household completely on you. Refuse to do it. Give your fair share and invest the rest in your name. Make sure the two brothers are paying the loan payments .If they don't ,they lose the house.

You make a financial investment plan for yourself keeping your husband aware but do the investments in your name.Let this betrayal be your freedom from future dead end joint family investments. Consider it a small price to pay in the long run.Consider it a gift for your child's future.
Free your mind .

That house and payments are the responsibility of the two owners of the house. Do not make an issue after you make it clear that you will have no role in paying the emi and if they fail to pay, they will lose their house/ money. Stay out of it .Do not add your name and waste your money .Save and invest. Consider it your duty towards your young family.

You are a financially independent woman. You do not have to be at the mercy of the ' family decisions' regarding your future security.

Congratulations on becoming a mum. Enjoy your new found motherhood with a more clearer vision for your family.

 

V.v.imp point

 

Op....if over the years your husband gains your trust back and he doesn't try to exploit you for joint family investments or family commitments ,then you can always name him a nominee along with your kids.

Don't let this fester on for ever.

Just let him know you feel deeply betrayed and have decided to take care of your investments for your future security as you feel the brothers exploited your trust .Be firm and stay resolved but be normal for the rest of the time . No point spoiling your peace for this in future.

As for the house,hopefully half of it will belong to your husband and the father of your children . If not you ,then atleast some day in the future,your children may benefit from it.

 

You need to talk of pros and cons of this joint investment with your husband and his brother in the most non-confrontational and level headed way. Leave your part of loan repayment aside. If the discussion gets heated break off and end the discussion before things get worse.

The only pro I can see is that 2 incomes coming together could mean being able to afford something that singularly would be difficult. But you need to discuss various future scenarios. Talk about situations like what if one of the brothers moves away and has to pay rent in some other city or some other financial commitment crops up. Will that person be able to afford rent or a flat in the new place and still make share of his loan repayment. Ideal thing to do would be for either of the brothers to buy the other one out. May be offer temporary loan to the other one for pulling out.

As for your money OP, you should tie up all your free money after your share in day-to-day runnings in SIPs, PPF, some pension fund or some RDs which when you complete, buy gold or something. Be firm about securing yours as well as you kid’s future.

 

SO true. I blame the parents, who after years of life experience fail to guide their sons. Sorry for judging.