Please save me

priyaj1986 · Jan 5, 2012

Dear friends,

I am married for 6 months and mine is a love marriage. At first my in laws behaved very well with me but later on they started showing theit true face. The thing is my hubby had a big fight with his mom and we are living seperately now. But my FIL is with me.

I am working woman in 24x7 shifts and hence i have imbalanced sleep and food. I have got medical issues and hence taking treatment to conceive. Doctor adviced me to stay calm and relaxed for me to recover soon.

Whenever I am at home (on leave) i do all the house works. But my DH helps me during working days. My problem is my FIL compels me to do all rituals like putting kolam, cleaning home, doing pooja even when i need to leave to office at 5.30 AM.

I have explained him many times but he is not understanding me. This made up mind to become irritated whenever i see him. I am a pious woman but i don't believe in all such rituals to be performed even when I am not able to.

I am scared to tell my hubby about this becoz he may mistake me if I say ill of his father. I am rigorously trying to conceive and I need to relax but my FIL is not leaving me to do so. I need more privacy since i am newly married and i have my own desires.

Please help me how to get rid of him.

Regards,
Pri

Rama1966 · Jan 5, 2012

Hi Pri,

What your FIL is mentioning are simple things that any elder in the house would expect. Putting kolam, doing pooja and cleaning the home are things that would be expected of any woman in the family and since your MIL is not there your FIL is expecting you to do it. I do not think that it is fair to get rid of him on these grounds. If any you should be happy that you have somebody who thinks good for the family to happen from such behaviour of the woman in the house. You have a husband who is willing to help. Ask for his help in cleaning. Putting kolam is a 5 mins job. You cand do puja for 3 hours or for 5 mins. You will get mental peace in that way.
You or your husband can clean the prayer room the night before depending on your shift timings and just light the diva in the morning and say a few prayers. It can be done in 5 mins. There can be compromises in life. Do not go for getting rid of the in law at the first sight of problem. Remember that your mother would expect her dil to do these things as well.....

g3sudha · Jan 5, 2012

You can have a servent who will clean the house and put the kolam and all.
As rama said, ur husband can help you in pooja things.
And dont get stress for these things

amunique · Jan 5, 2012

Dear,
I can understand your situation... how about hiring a maid (who comes on time) for household cleaning etc... and for the puja... try praying for atleast 10 mins everyday and see the difference... this is for your own good... getting rid of FIL for these silly reasons is a strict no-no
cheers..

riefa · Jan 5, 2012

hi priya.
I can understand that it's sometimes annoying being told what to do as we're grown up. After all you have to go for works also. It's like too many things on the same time. Now please try make it simple so that you won't get frustrate also. Rama has opt nice solution. You can do pooja within 5 mins before leaving for job. Just tell FIL that you may unable to do all perfectly, do as per you can. Should understand each other, right?
You cannot and should not get rid of FIL, so whatever things he told you try to ignore if annoying but remember to keep respect always.
If planning to keep maid, let her do cleaning but try to do pooja by yourself. Take care.

satchitananda · Jan 5, 2012

Priya,

one suggestion I can give you to make your life easy and to keep your fil happy is to stick a nice big sticker kolam outside the door, so it is always there.

amutharun · Jan 5, 2012

hi priya, i undestand u that u have load of work and u r highly waiting to conceive. eventhough yr FIL compels u to do work, he'll be the first person to help u out when u'll be conceive. he'll look after ur kids when u'll be at work. Look at me, i struggled my whole pregancy life all alone and still struggling with my kids alone. I dont have MIL and FIL. my hubby is in business and he has to travel a lot. Everytime i shed my tears when i see DIL and MIL together. many of them says that iam lucky that i dont have these relations, but i know how unlucky iam . take care priya.

priyaj1986 · Jan 5, 2012

Thanks everyone for your reply... But i cannot tolerate few things like he entering my bedroom when i am asleep and asking me to do pooja for the whole day. I can do pooja even for 30 mins when I have time, but compelling me to do things when my cab is waiting for me is highly irritating. If he tells me in advance i can finish things the previous day. What he does is he asks me to do at the neck of the moment. Also there is one difference between who is praying from soul and who is praying just for showcase. He is of second kind. I lost my dad during college days and i was longing for someone in his position. So i am not telling anything which does not happen. All he wants is to act in front of his son. That is my big concern.