Please Need Your Suggestions

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Yellowstone, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. Yellowstone

    Yellowstone New IL'ite

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    Hello all
    I have always got good advice from this community . Thank you everyone for the support.
    I am facing a typical situation which i hope you would help me with.
    I recently got a job in startup. It was something i had worked hard for. The salary is not that great but i hope to learn new things and improve my experience. However , I have an almost 2yr old toddler . I need to send her to day care and it feels the most difficult decision of my life. i am unable to sleep and the thought that my baby going to day care is haunting me . i know most of the mom's have faced this situation and have overcome that with the strength of character, which i feel i don't possess.
    I fear the sending her to full time day care at once , will make her highly reluctant.
    I am thinking of asking for flexible work hours at my new work place so that i can leave in the early morning and pick her up by late afternoon. While my husband can leave for work , a little late in the morning and return late in night.
    This way i feel that it minimizes the amount of time , she has to spend in the daycare.

    But my husband says it is not an option ,as that would create a negative impression on me for my employer and it is highly unlikely that they would agree.

    Please pour in your suggestions.
    I need to join work in 2 weeks.

    Thank you
     
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  2. Lakshmikishore

    Lakshmikishore Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I have been through the same phase few years back..I planned to quit my job but with my DH cousin's suggestions and gyan ,I could continue my career in IT.
    • Join your baby right away in daycare as you are left with only 2 weeks.Spend with her in daycare for sometime daily and observe the daycare environment.Meanwhile DD gets adjusted to the environment.
    • If possible look for good daycare nearby office that way you can visit during lunch time.
    • Dont ask your new employer for flexible timings, it may not keep you in good books as first impression is very much important
    • Down the line after 2 or 3 months..check for right time and ask for flexible timings..
    • Keep your leaves for baby till baby reaches age of 5 as you may see cough and cold catching up very frequently due to daycare environment
    • Kids become more active playing with others kids of similar age group at daycare
    • I used to cry daily for first 15-20 days while leaving my son(14 months old that time) at daycare.This happens
    • Soothe yourself with the thought that your kid will be going to school in next 1 year. Dont feel guilty

    ---
    LakshmiKishore
     
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  3. nisha86

    nisha86 New IL'ite

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  4. ramainside

    ramainside New IL'ite

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    Hi, was in similar situation few years back. Had to leave my son in day care when he was 18 months old. Looked for various options including home daycare. At last joined him in one day care near my home. He got ear infection the next day.Immediately switched to another daycare where he went till he was 5 years old. Now he is in Kindergarten.

    My advise would be

    1) Have more than one daycare as option.
    2) Join her while u are still at home maybe initially half a day , so that you can watch her how she adjusts with the staffs, other kids and food wise. You will get peace of mind when you start going to office.
    3) Kids adjusts better than parents. First few weeks will be definitely difficult but as time goes kids will start liking to go there as they have new toys, friends, lots of activities etc etc. Also daycare teaches to feed themselves and potty training too.
    4) don't recommend asking for flexible working hours immediately. But again it depends on your work environment. Observe for few days and then decide. If they allow it , you can use the option. Some place has work from home too.

    How much ever advice I give you, I know how difficult it is to leave our young baby at other's care. But everything will work out by itself. Have little patience and do enough research to find the perfect daycare.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That will also minimize the time you all get together as a family. When both parents are working and child is still young, the evening hours from 6-9 pm become precious.

    If she goes to daycare late in morning, it does not really give her quality time with dad. He will be in the "get ready for work" mode and she might end up with more screen time. If he comes home late in the evening, child will get less of "time with mom and dad." You will be tired after the day's work and handling evening chores by yourself.

    You have only 3 years of experience and this is an opportunity to move into software. Plus, you are getting paid and not having to do the move with an unpaid internship or only stock options etc.

    It will be hard initially, but 2 years is a good time to start full-time daycare. Try other things working women do to be more organized. Meal prep in the weekend, simplify cooking, hire cleaners once in a while, order groceries online, tactfully manage the husband and get him to help. There are some very useful threads on meal prep and time management.

    What you are doing is not easy and you should pat yourself on the back for achieving it. Going back to work after a gap is always tough. Slog it out now, and you will be happier down the line when you have some more savings, solid experience to list, and above all, you get to be a role model for your child.

    Like one member said above, don't ask for flex timings and WFH right away. Join, get to know the people, take some time to show your dedication, and then, see what flexibility you can get.
     
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  6. Yellowstone

    Yellowstone New IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for the reply. However , i could not find day cares that are accepting immediately. So the best possible wait time i could get was 1 week before my DOJ. Hope things fall in place.
     
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  7. Yellowstone

    Yellowstone New IL'ite

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  8. Yellowstone

    Yellowstone New IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for the reply.
     
  9. Kavithavisarad

    Kavithavisarad New IL'ite

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    So sad
     

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