Hi I am in my 9 th month of pregnancy due in 10 days. My parents came here to usa last week. My brother's wife is also pregnant and due in february. My parents thought they will visit them after her delivery.. so i booked tickets india flight tickets for my parents hoping that they will first come here and stay with me. My husband is very particular about money. He says my brother has to book for them but somehow i convinced him and we booked and they came. Now after my delivery my dad wants to go to my brother's place just for 10 days to spend some time with them. Is this wrong? My brother said he will book ticket for him. We thought everything is going well. But when i told my husband about this he is very angry on my dad and brother. He is saying that we booked tickets from india and we brought him and now your brother wants to take him away then why the hell he came here. My husband is shouting like crazy on me. I am already stressed and scared about my delivery now and on top of this - this stupid issue. I am telling my husband ok if you dont want him to go then ill stop him. But this guy is thinking who am i to stop. Basically he is very angry that he spent money for flight tickets and he doesnt want my parents to go anywhere. He is so jealous on my brother. And my brother is not even calling my husband and saying anything about money.. both these guys are egoistic. Iam suffering a lot now in between these stupid things. Please suggest me what to do. I dont want any one to feel bad about this. I want my dad to be happy too.. please help me how to tackle it. Cant take stress anymore now. Will be waiting for your replies.
First of all congrats on your pregnancy Second of all don't stress on these things, let you husband shout, dance or yell. Just walk away sit next to your mom and engage in a conversation or do something with mom. To be blunt- your parents are in your house for your pregnancy and you and your DH have to pay for Indian flight ticket. If your parents want to travel inside the US it's not a fine line that you have to pay. As your parents won't be helping your brother's wife and more over your brother would be spending for his wife's parents ticket. It's really unfair for your DH to even expect that your brother should pay. (Sorry to say this- it's kinda cheap on your DH's part to expect your brother to take financial responsibility for parents while your DH gets your parnets help) Your brother is ready to pay for your fathers US flight. And just because your DH spent money on Indian tickets doesn't mean your parents have to bow and hold your DH's feet 24/7. Visiting before your delivery is the right way to go. Don't heed to your DH's drama. You take a stand and make sure your DH understand what he is getting from your parents! Unconditional love, support,care for you and the child and 3 meals per day! If he adds up all the cost their airfare is the cheapest route to go! Please take min and see how much everything cost if you were to manage alone! Make your DH do the research- for him to understand better ! Your brother is also ther son--There is nothing wrong in visiting him and his wife! If your dad decides to go what could your DH do? Stop him? Just ignore your DH and DH's feeling and ask your dad to continue with his travel. Don't seek approval in everything. Make a statement in front of the whole family. "My father is going to ....." . So your DH doesn't badger you in private. Don't stress on all these things.. Your DH might also be anxious about the baby and he might also be expressing his anxiety differently.
Yikes. What a thing to be worried about now. If your parents are coming primarily to take care of you then you should be the one bearing the expenses. I think it is okay if they go over to stay just for few days. Unfortunately your husband does not seem like the generous kind and that sucks. You brother might think your parents are coming to take care of you so why must he pay? That sucks too. Try reasoning with your husband and tell him how stressed out it makes you feel. And that this fight is not needed or appropriate at this time. It is supposed to be a happy journey for both of you. If it were me I would not tell my parents about husband's pettiness as of now because it is going to cause much more tension when they arrive. As for future trips, esp if parents are going to be spending time both with you and your brother please consider splitting the airfare cost between both families. This you need to convey to your brother no matter what he says. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy! Hope you have a smooth delivery and a happy healthy baby!
Congratulations and best wishes for the new phase of life Take it easy. The more you react the more he will keep taunting you. I don't know about the financial stuff but just 10 days after your delivery, wouldn't it be difficult for you to handle things alone, considering you will be recuperating? Maybe you should think of that first. And if you are not sure, explain to mom to help you. And as for your husband, he's not going to stop soon, you will have to listen to this lecture forever. So learn to stay calm. Pick what you feel is necessary to be worried about. Have a happy delivery, happier motherhood and the happiest baby
Since your husband is soon to become a father it might be a good time to remind him to stop being a baby himself.
If your parents are going to go to your brother too to help his wife after her delivery it makes sense to split the air ticket in half. What I understand that only your father wants to go to brother now tell your husband your dad has no work during your delivery you have your mom so what is wrong in going? Are you having a girl? If yes I would have have told my husband imagine what if our daughter's husband behaves this way how will you feel for her?
OP, Dont stress at this point. Tell your brother to call up your husband and ask for his PERMISSION to take his dad for 10 days. Things might just fall into place. And your brother will understand the stress that you are going through more than your H. Your H is the head of your family now and he feels the need to be involved and consulted in the decisions of ppl who are in the house. Yes, your H ego is playing a big part here and your dad has 100% rights to choose and decide whats good for him and where he wants to go and stay. You will be inviting a new family member and he must be already in the thought process on how to manage things(work+new baby +household+inlaws). You will be temporarily on rest and away from managing all these things(according to your H). Just to calm down present situation, dont think much. call up ur brother and tell him. This is just the beginning and the foundation laid between H,wife,in-laws now will go a looooong way in maintaining peace. Your H rapport with ur parents is very important at this time and for near future. I had soo many conflicts during my pregnancy and held my ego high(to match my H ego) and let my parents have their way. I dont regret that 100%,but given a chance i would have choosen my battles wisely. I couldn't plan any event of my kid with 100% happiness. every time there was a clash and wavering as to what my H will think. Every event of kid happened, but just for the sake of kid. Since we are in Indian family setup, everything boils down to how H wants to plan(may be not 100% in all families, atleast in mine).
Op, First of all your dad , your brother and especially your husband are all acting childish. You are due in 10 days and a pregnant lady doesn't need to be stressed. Your hubby didn't do a big favor by bringing your parents. He brought them for his baby and your post delivery help. The logical thing for your brother to do was visit your parents when they came here. Not cart your dad to where he lives when your dad came for your delivery help. I know you are not due in 10 days. But before that there will be 100 things to do. Set baby clothes, necessities in place at home before you leave for hospital.Your clothes after be set too. Bring grocery for your food .Know how everything operates like dishwasher, gas, washing machine/dryer works. Why the rush to take your dad right before delivery?Maybe after a month it was feasible where you wud be settled in a pattern with the baby.Your dad wanting to go to your brother is also wrong. He is thinking only about meeting your brother. Tell your hubby to not talk about money again in front of parents. Why do they say it takes a village to raise a child. You need all the help you can get. Tell your brother that your dad can come there after a month.Good Luck.
