Please help me to solve demand issue

You should tell your MIL,"Maa I will not ask or give a list as this is not how it works in my parental home and I feel like a beggar.Please don't make me lose respect for our family ."

 

Op,

Do you remember the bicycle or tricycle you had as a kid? Sometimes one of the wheels would start squeaking. Then you would put some grease on it, only on the squeaking wheel not the silent one. The more it squeaked the more grease you would pour but would that wheel stop squeaking? Nope. After a few days it would start up again. Finally you would decide it is no use and stop putting the grease. You would let that wheel squeak all it wanted and ride yr bicycle wherever you wished. Hope you understand.

 

Sheel,

Don't take so much of stress. I know all this will make you angry but its good that your husband has asked you to keep away from all this. I had faced a similar situation early before the wedding and immediately after the wedding. It seems my IL's have customs only to ask from girls parents and that girls parents should only keep giving throughout their life. However, even though my parents were perfectly capable of meeting their demands, it was ME who PUT THE FOOT DOWN and clearly said NO. I was bold and arrogant when I said that(did not shudder as a meek thinking oh my god its my MIL...i gave a damn)...I found it extremely humiliating that why should my parents suffer and have to bend down just because they gave birth to a girl. Don't we want an equal and a just society for our daughter's. How long as women are we going to quietly ignore and suffer? Why can't we take that little step so that all this crap ends with that generation.
I would not suggest you to ignore. Be polite and diplomatic but stern and say that you and your family does not believe in all this and you are not going to ask your parents to give anythings. That's it. Give the same reply and sternly tell her NO MY PARENTS WILL NOT GIVE ANYTHING. After sometime, the complains will end and she will withdraw.
I will also suggest you not to let your parents know all this. I always kept my parents away from all this. I am an adult and I should be able to manage my problems and people by myself, why to put it on your parents. My MIL would try and call my mother to talk about all this giving crap and my mother would also reply her back in a way that she would back off. My parents do a lot for my hubby so my hubby knows how they are and cannot get trapped in her complains. Just be strong and bold. Respect the fact that your parents gave you a good life and should not suffer because they gave birth to a girl. Be strong and be bold. She will automatically retreat but all this takes time so have patience.

 

Completely agree with prihar.You can also tell her" I am not going to humiliate myself and my husband by asking for rice ,sugar and ghee.It is not tradition...it is cheap."

 

Totally understand. This happens. Because men wouldnt go into details of these things to find out what actually is happening. All they get from this is 'my mum is not happy because my ILs havent fulfilled some duty properly that they should have' and that keeps increasing the negativity.

 

oh this same thing happened with me recently. But they were more demanding like they wanted silver basuri, silver paan , jhunjhunna , supari etc . I felt it was too much and started fight with husband but it gone worst and the function now cancelled.