Please Help Decide My Life

New12345 · Dec 26, 2016

sarakar said: ↑

Hi there,

Abuse is a no-no, we have to respect ourselves by getting out of this situation and definitely not bring another life into this world at this time. It seems from your post that you are not making any hasty decisions and instead thinking through as much as possible. is is a great trait and attitude and I would say leverage this attitude to your advantage - plan and take next steps.
Regardless of your age, this is NOT a situation to endure. Stand up for yourself now and plan to get yourself out of this situation.

Few considerations I can think of at this time :
-is your sister's marriage happening soon? -No,not so soon. It may take another year.
-Do you work as in can you be financially independent? - I am trying to get a job.
-Is your family aware of the gravity of the situation? - Yes,75%
-Do you have some sort of support system here - friends, neighbors, family etc?
Click to expand...

. Not much. No.

Thanks for your reply sarakar. I gave answers above. Yes, I am looking to make my life non-abusive.

sarakar · Dec 26, 2016

I would say have an action plan even before taking steps such as calling cops, filing case etc. These steps are required but they focus more on him (as in how he will be punished) but focus on YOU.

Think about your education, work, family, where do you want to live, etc and then when you have a fair idea take steps to screw him over before you leave.

New12345 · Dec 26, 2016

Ragavisang said: ↑

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NO ONE CAN AND WILL DO IT FOR YOU.
Click to expand...

Yes, very true. I will remember your words. Thanks, ragavisang

New12345 · Dec 26, 2016

Meet9 said: ↑

Did you call 911 when he beat you? That would really screw his H1b visa and his plans to stay here..He would be deported and forget about his Green card processing anymore
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply Meet9. Yes, I could call 911 when he raises his hand and when I think that I dont want to continue my life with him. But what I feel is even if I am separated from him, I dont get any happiness that i screwed his professional career. That doesnt make me happy and more than that I would regret because, watever he built his professional ladder upto now will fall in a second. I do have problem with his marital life and i get out of that and dont want to remain myself as someone who sabotaged a person's career. So, as far as now I m not complaining to 911. But I could do that, if he takes out all of my soft nature from me. He is almost done with that. What's stopping me now is just my conscience.

Yes, I m trying to get a job. Preparing for that.

New12345 · Dec 26, 2016

sarakar said: ↑

I would say have an action plan even before taking steps such as calling cops, filing case etc. These steps are required but they focus more on him (as in how he will be punished) but focus on YOU.

Think about your education, work, family, where do you want to live, etc and then when you have a fair idea take steps to screw him over before you leave.
Click to expand...

Yes, I need a plan. You are correct.

sarakar · Dec 26, 2016

New12345 said: ↑

Yes, I need a plan. You are correct.
Click to expand...

Start to think through what you want to do next - job for yourself, support system, which city/country to live in etc......

Take the time to think and we will be waiting to hear your plan.

sokanasanah · Dec 26, 2016

sarakar said: ↑

I would say have an action plan even before taking steps such as calling cops, filing case etc. These steps are required but they focus more on him (as in how he will be punished) but focus on YOU.
Click to expand...

Good advice.

... take steps to screw him over before you leave.
Click to expand...

Not so good. I hope you don't mean this in quite the way you expressed it. Probably just hasty writing? This sort of thing tends to backfire.

OP, please don't focus on retaliation. First ensure that what is yours remains yours. Then certainly seek legal redress for any harm done to you and to get what is owed you. Seek to improve your situation in life. Once you have extricated yourself from your current predicament, the course his life takes is no longer your concern. Think in terms of justice and fairness, not recrimination and revenge. This is not always easy to do, but if you manage it, you will come out all the better for it.
Good Luck!

sarakar · Dec 26, 2016

sokanasanah said: ↑

Good advice.

Not so good. I hope you don't mean this in quite the way you expressed it. Probably just hasty writing? This sort of thing tends to backfire.
OP, please don't focus on retaliation. First ensure that what is yours remains yours. Then certainly seek legal redress for any harm done to you and to get what is owed you. Seek to improve your situation in life. Once you have extricated yourself from your current predicament, the course his life takes is no longer your concern. Think in terms of justice and fairness, not recrimination and revenge. This is not always easy to do, but if you manage it, you will come out all the better for it.
Good Luck!
Click to expand...

Haha - you are right, sokanasanah. I did not mean it literally

Infact, I read some responses here saying go to police, file a case, call 911 etc etc, I don't believe even such things would help too much ( As I mentioned earlier, it will help just to feel better but not improve the situation).

We have to focus on ourselves here and improve our own situation.

Meet9 · Dec 26, 2016

sarakar said: ↑

Haha - you are right, sokanasanah. I did not mean it literally

Infact, I read some responses here saying go to police, file a case, call 911 etc etc, I don't believe even such things would help too much ( As I mentioned earlier, it will help just to feel better but not improve the situation).

We have to focus on ourselves here and improve our own situation.
Click to expand...

going to police will help!!!it is NOT to feel better..!!?? I am not sure what you meant by that.... it will protect OP from further abuse....if you re read what OP wrote, he hit her in a very bad way that could injure OP.. If she doesnt think that she CAN go to police, police is just a call away, by keeping this in mind she will feel mentally secure ..also i told her to threaten him that she is not going to keep quiet and that she can go to cops....

How can our laws change if girls have mentality that this extreme step should not be taken..others also learn if they hear that indian girls can complain.....once a guy has lost the hesitation and has beaten his wife..he can do anything....this attitude of not complaining gives rise to further drastic crimes that happen all over our country.....even a slap warrants serious threats and a written note in complaint.

few years back, there was a case in pennsylvania where a man (ex-lover) who was still following the girl after her marriage, just barged into her home and killed the girls innocent baby and his MIL while the couple were in office...investigations revealed that girl should have complained long before but she took it light that nothing can happen in US..

Meet9 · Dec 26, 2016

New12345 said: ↑

Thanks for your reply Meet9. Yes, I could call 911 when he raises his hand and when I think that I dont want to continue my life with him. But what I feel is even if I am separated from him, I dont get any happiness that i screwed his professional career. That doesnt make me happy and more than that I would regret because, watever he built his professional ladder upto now will fall in a second. I do have problem with his marital life and i get out of that and dont want to remain myself as someone who sabotaged a person's career. So, as far as now I m not complaining to 911. But I could do that, if he takes out all of my soft nature from me. He is almost done with that. What's stopping me now is just my conscience.

Yes, I m trying to get a job. Preparing for that.
Click to expand...

What kind of conscience you are having? he married you and did not respect your feelings / did not treat you well.....harassed you for dowry..his parents also did the same....and above all he is physically and verbally abusing you...don't you think he sabotaged your life by leaving you no option other than rot in this hell or get divorced start afresh...you are in this vulnerable situation because of him...does he know you can call the cops..let him know that..so that you are secure for the time being....be careful and let someone around you know whats happening to you so that he knows if he does something to you someone else can complain against him..