Please Help Decide My Life

Hello New12345, it is really saddening to read your story. Since you are only 27... if I were you I would definitely choose the 2nd option. But it is your life , you have to think thru it before taking a decision. If he is hitting you, for me it is a big warning sign... sincerely don't know how could you people accept these kind of abuse... and if you can't stand up for yourself and how would you stand up for your baby...can't even think about it. IT IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE 27 YEARS OLD , BY THIS TIME YOU SHOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG.

 

I would like to answer this question about your dilemma. No, this is not common in Indian society. No, no girls who get married go through this sort of verbal and physical abuse as part of their married life. I hope I gave you some clarity. Big No. Your husband is an abuser. He is not fit to be a husband, forget about being a dad. You are just 27. Even if you are 37 and have a kid, I would advise you to break free from this abuser, who has never taken the trouble to call you, and who physically assaults you. Being a well educated person, you don't have to put up with this nonsense. Imagine your younger sister in this situation, would you want her to put up with it for parent's and society's sake? Please divorce this guy and start your life afresh. God bless you!

 

You need to stay away from your husband and your husband ought to be behind bars. He is an abuser and having a child with him will open a new can of worms. You will bring another being into this world to be abused. Having a child is not a solution at all. It will only make you more stuck. I'm sorry to say most Indian "elders" wish not for the person's individual happines; only to save face in front of society. Hence the utterly stupid advice. A child is a by-product of a loving relationship not a path to one.

It is all well and good to plan one's life and set goals to achieve milestones. However **** happens. Now your priority must be to get out of this abusive marriage and make a life for yourself. It's besides the point when you wished to have child. It is unfair and wrong to have and child with this abuser.

There are many many people, even on this forum, who have walked and user way from abusive marriages and have found loving partners. It is better to be alone anyway than live with a person who has no sense of right and wrong. Next time he raises his hand on you, call the cops.

 

You nailed it Vennella. I'm sorry to say this, nowadays my attitude is changing...before, I really feel pity on Victims and now I'm very much upset with the people who are playing the Victim role... i want to say it loud...for god sake stand up for yourself people..Even God helps those only help themselves.

To you New12345, Have you hit anyone in your adult life? My guess is Not. Why...bec you know it is morally wrong. Then how could you let that happen to you. But if you accept this stupidity and who knows you may continue the same to your (future) child. In this era we (Majority) are not even hitting the child hard for disciplining them . Come back to your senses and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NO ONE CAN AND WILL DO IT FOR YOU.

 

You should get out of this relation as soon as possible.
Did you call 911 when he beat you? That would really screw his H1b visa and his plans to stay here..He would be deported and forget about his Green card processing anymore....I hope you have put a case of domestic violence....I seriously hope you did it because he will then be afraid of you and wont dare touch you again until you get out of here...

Please do not be afraid of the fact that if you do this or that ..your younger sister marriage will get affected...Everyone in this life comes with a destiny...Right now, whatever steps you are NOT taking that you should have is actually a SIN to yourself.. Keep doing the right things that you are supposed to do and GOD will put all the things in right place....

you are educated person, your first step should be to scare this guy of police complaint here..
secondly, get enrolled in MS program in nearby university, if you have done Btech and worked, you can easily prepare for GRE/TOEFL in a month and get good scores...things can be worked out if you want to stay here there are a lot of options... google CPT/MS/Certificate programs.... getting H1b from H4 is bit tough but there are consultants who can guide you....You can always come back to USA from India..if you want to go back and work near your parents you can do that...India is changing, so its mentality...go for your goals, where there is a will there is a way..but plz dont suffer and be with this person and make your life hell....you are right now thinking rationally, in some time you will not know how time flies by and where your life went, and there will be a point of no return then....please RUN FAST from this relation...TAKE the steps RIGHT NOW. DO not care about anybody not even about your sister right now, you need to get out of this relation and dont do it without slapping domestic violence case on this guy.....

- So in short, assess if you want to be in INDIA or USA, depending on that, take steps- in India, you can contact your previous employer in India for job /use your contacts..just file a police complaint here for your DH who is supposed to give you financial support to fly back....back home you can slap 498a (dowry harassment) on the whole family....you can screw them big time..this guy's dream of earning dollars and greed all will be screwed if you go to police here and in India. if you plan to stay here, check out the nearest university, I can assure you people who can here without any penny in hand got settled, you just need to be smart...here you can get grace period of stay if you apply for divorce etc...

- Do not care what people will say. not even your own parents/sister. Save yourself right now..do the right things..

 

Hi there,

Abuse is a no-no, we have to respect ourselves by getting out of this situation and definitely not bring another life into this world at this time. It seems from your post that you are not making any hasty decisions and instead thinking through as much as possible. is is a great trait and attitude and I would say leverage this attitude to your advantage - plan and take next steps.
Regardless of your age, this is NOT a situation to endure. Stand up for yourself now and plan to get yourself out of this situation.

Few considerations I can think of at this time :
-is your sister's marriage happening soon?
-Do you work as in can you be financially independent?
-Is your family aware of the gravity of the situation?
-Do you have some sort of support system here - friends, neighbors, family etc?