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Please Guide Me

Discussion in 'Pujas Prayers & Slokas' started by SRMB, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. SRMB

    SRMB Senior IL'ite

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    Also, I have been rejected very few times, while I (or my family) have rejected tens of thousands of proposals.

    My problem is not the lack of option, its the opposite. It's more about finding that suitable person, but he disappears.

    And I always wanted to get married and have kids.
     
  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes I used to do this. I did fasting of 16 Mondays. Used to keep many fasts and many kinds of pooja we did and also went to many astrologers. But I feel that these things are just to keep ourselves busy for the time being. Marriage happens only when the time comes. I was the last one who got married in my friends. My father had lost all hopes of my marriage but my mother and bro took the last chance and without his permission gave advertisement on newspaper and luckily I found my perfect match there. Just stay positive and don't lose your faith and hope.
     
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  3. SRMB

    SRMB Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you. Yes, the time has to come. Which no one but God can control. Hope I get lucky soon too. Thank you!
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Your post and comment disappeared in that embed. This good part of your life should be mentioned here.
    Individual rejections are a tough thing to do for both the rejector and the rejectee. You've already experienced (very) few times, and you know the score.

    An engineer may lie sandwiched between yellow bedsheets; but, she would still do a introspective data analysis on the cases of the disappearing spouse prospect. You have tens of thousands of rejection-cases in your data bank. You can have a relook, even make pivot tables, and look at them, to see why your tabulated wants/likes/needs did not jive with their offered features/benefits/advantages.

    Question for you: What are the few deal breakers that make you reject (tens of thousands?) a prospect who had already come through the shortlist filter ?
     
  5. SRMB

    SRMB Senior IL'ite

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    More for my family than me. They earn less than me, don't suit me appearance wise, caste is lower, family background not good. The usual reasons.

    Your comment about lying sandwiched in yellow bedsheets made me LOL. I was having a rough day. Thanks!
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Ah...ha. So you have your family do the short-list filtration for you. This is good. Less stressful on the self.

    We all have (have had) a list of things as requirements. Some of these requirements, if not satisfied, would tend to be deal breakers. Some others may be viewed as "good-to-have" but a shortfall in these requirements could be made up by exceedingly excellent offers in the deal-breaker criteria. Let me give you an example...

    For example... one may wish the prospect to make at least US$200,000 a year in the deal-breaker list, and anyone under that would be tossed away. And then in the good-to-have list you could've listed "full head of dark curly hair", and a perennial five-o'clock-shadow on the face (supposed to signal virility). Unfortunately if a prospect comes up bald (or seems to have a large forehead, and sparse crop on top), you'd still wish to add him to the short-list so long as his annual income exceeds US$500,000. Just an example, if you know what I mean. This often happens in job-classifieds: The employer would want an Engineer who is an MS graduate, but willing to consider BS with 5 years of experience.

    Several IL forum members have posted to reveal that all of the carefully vetted alliances tend to be good for only a few initial years. And then, well... there are a couple of kids, and priorities of/for the children take precedence over whether or not his hair is still there or not.

    Overall, the worry you expressed in the first post is not a serious one, especially when there are thousands of applicants yet vying for your liaison in a marriage, or rejection from your parents.
     
  7. SRMB

    SRMB Senior IL'ite

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    My family shortlists, yes, it was my decision so that they dont bring up issues later.

    Yes, I agree my situation is not as bad, especially after reading some of the responses here. The thing is all my friends around me, whether american or indian, are married. People ask me everywhere I go if I am married. It's a lot of stress.

    And I've been looking for over 3 years. It takes a toll on you, all that searching, waiting and losing hope. But i need to be strong and focus on the positives in my life.
     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Getting support, and an emotional boost is what you had wanted in your first post; and that's what you got from many of us who have the life experience in both USA and India.

    People ask you that because they see that you are a healthy, educated, good looking woman who had not married yet. In the minds of people, such a thing can only signal that : you are unwilling to ruin your happy life by tying yourself to just one. No one would know that you have been avoiding dating in the west, and saving yourself for only the one you'd marry. You cannot explain all this to "people everywhere" who ask you if you are married. They'd go with their presumptions, and you'd live with your truth. Some such presumptions may also be sprouting in the minds of " the eligible guys (who) disappear at the last minute". Dealing with a foreign experienced woman could be somewhat daunting, unless all your shortlisted candidates are also foreign experienced -- either in reality or in the presumptions of others.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
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  9. Deepika23

    Deepika23 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Op,
    There is a temple in Kerala in Malapuram district called Thirumanthankunnu.
    It’s a famous temple known for Mangalya Pooja.
    Thirumandhamkunnu Temple | Perinthalmanna | Malappuram | Kerala

    One has to conduct the Pooja for 3 years
    And it is believed by 3rd year they will surely get married. Ur parents can do the Pooja for you since you are in US and try to visit the temple during ur next visit.

    All the best.
     
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  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    No, I didn't mean sleeping with other people. But meeting and talking. Many of my friends , met their shortlisted candidates working in usa( of course by parents) , near their work place, in a coffee shop or restaurant to spend some together. They talked to them over phone too. Then decided. [ these men came all the way from other parts of USA to meet them, one of my friend, gone to another city to meet the person her parents shortlisted)

    Are you looking for proposals from men settled in India (some has prejudices against us educated women) USA. Do you go back each time to meet those prospective grooms. It's tough to find some one who matches in salary too. Money can be made anytime but not education or equal values(Only when all other criteria, like family, education, physical match , or others are met).
    In my case I lowered criteria from PhD to Masters, but luckily got one with Ph D. I was making more money that time, he was ok with that. But now he is making more...Mutual understanding is important here,otherwise it wont work well. My main criteria was to get married to an educated family. That came true. So dealing with in laws was easy as they could understand me well. Just..
    Finally I figured out the vrat, my friends took . Its Monday vrat , and they visited Shiva temple too, in case you are wondering

    (https://astrologymag.com/somvar-vrat-for-happy-marriage-life/)

    Wishing you good luck
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
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