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Please give me ideas of how to convince my husband.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by honeyfriend, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. honeyfriend

    honeyfriend New IL'ite

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    HI friends! I got married ten months back .Ours is a love marriage .Before marriage my husband never told me he has so many problems in his house .I live in a joint family. I stay with my husband, MIL,BIL ,BIL’s 5 year old son ,aunt in law, uncle in law ,and my MIL’s unmarried sister .Before marriage my husband never told me that she will (MIL’s sister)also stay with us. My BIL has some mental problem and acts very insanely. This also was not revealed to me before marriage. Eg-he goes around the house in his underwear even when we are there, he pisses by keeping the toilets door open even when we or guests are around and my MIL supports him in all this...my MIL’s sis is a bitch. She behaves like this is her house and I am a guest. My MIL gives her full support in all this .My MIL is a bastard...she is a very cunning lady.. She is very good to me in front of my husband but otherwise she is a witch .She has not liked me from day 1 as ours is a love marriage. She never wanted her son to get married at the first place. She kept on commenting on my looks, my hair etc and keeps on comparing me with others .She does not let me touch anything in the house or in the kitchen. ...My parents call her but she never calls them and at times she doesn’t even take the calls. Before marriage my husband said his mom is a very nice lady and has very modern thoughts. I can wear anything I like and she will not have any objection but after marriage I am not allowed to wear clothes of my choice. I met her a few times before my marriage but then I could not understand how she is in real because then she pretended to be good.
    Though this is a joint family there is no love among them. My MIL hates my aunt and her children and cannot see anything good happening in their lives and my aunt hates my MIL and us too but still they fake love and stay together .May be b’coz nobody wants to leave her share in the ancestral house and to share expenses. Nobody talks to me. They never ask for my opinion regarding anything. My husband also keeps on giving money to my MIL without telling me.
    My DH goes to office at 9 AM and comes back by 11.30 PM -12 as our house is too far from his office. I am just not being able to stay here .whole day I’m alone in my room ..I don’t have freedom to do anything or go anywhere. I come from a modern family and I’m not being able to adjust with them. I have told my husband a few times that let us shift to the house which is near your office (we own a flat near his office)and we can come over in the weekends. This way I will also be happy as I will also have my freedom. I have tried to explain that the negative environment in the house is taking a toll in me and I’m going into depression. I even said that you can support the family the way you are ... but neither my condition nor my words could convince him. My husband is a good person and loves me but whenever I ask him to shift to some other place he becomes totally indifferent to me and my feelings. He does not understand that my health and our relationship is suffering here. I ‘m just not happy and am going into depression with every passing day. Please friends tell me how do I convince my husband without hurting his male ego , make him understand my situation and leave this house .Please guide me.
     
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  2. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmm.Strong words. I think they convey how frustrated you are.
    Have you considered looking for a job? Maybe it will give you some time for yourself too.
     
  3. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Find a way to shift to the apartment immediately and find a job, if you stay longer in your current place you will become more depressed.
     
  4. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Asking ur DH to leave the house will make things worse. It's time to be smart to deal with them. Find a job, get busy, be financially independent.
     
  5. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Love marriage and you did not know the family situation before.. ???
     
  6. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    Why do I feel this post is a summary of RwIL thread?? Weekend Aviyal?
     
  7. shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Alerts on!
    Find a job, become financially independent and cultivate your own hobbies... keep yourself busy. And that too soon...
     
  8. anjivicky

    anjivicky Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I would also suggest the same thing as everyone else suggested ! You have mentioned that you come from a modern family. Please find a job and a good hobby too. That way you can save yourself from getting more and more depressed !
     
  9. Thriveniram

    Thriveniram Senior IL'ite

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    Yes,, U being occupied is a good idea.. :)
     
  10. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    Even i don't get any good idea other than finding job that make you occupied..
    If not try to go to some classes like painting, embroidery etc., as per your interest. Do some meditation and it will give you strength.
    Keep a good relationship with your DH.
     

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