Please Advise Me What Should I Do?

Being a lady and tat too mother how can she say don’t worry about the gals he is in touch with instead of warning her son . Would she be fine if her husband did the same to her ?? .

 

It's not surprising . It's what abusers do. They try to spoil the self esteem and self worth of their victim , so that victim will be confused and their self confidence will be affected. It make them trapped for ever. That is exactly your husband want . He is looking for a finance provider, cook and maid, but not a wife or soul mate in you. He cheated you. Do you think you would have married if you know that you are going to be his second partner. I doubt. His ex is trying to spoil his life.

Don't waste even a second thinking about something that don't exist, a husband . The faster you escape , the better.

Only you can decide . Every one in society or family may tell you to continue or adjust for the sake of it. But you are only one who is going to suffer. You will be the one crying with pain. So be brave. Focus on your studies and your life

Read all replies here again and again including yours . I hope it will give you more clarity of thought. You are a smart girl. Please use brain not heart in this case. Stop checking what your dh and ex is doing behind your back. It will give you more stress. If he wants to cheat you he will do even if you are checking or not. He still loves his ex not you. He is not sincere to you. There is no love or respect. That's why he is not blocking his ex in phone or Skype. Please accept the reality . It has nothing to do with you. It's not your fault . He will never love you the way he loved his ex. I don't think he will get sexual satisfaction also from any other women including You. Its the magic of love. You have to take a stand, if you continue ,he has to completely cut off his ex, which I doubt, from this life forever. If he is not, then decide what to do.

Cut all these nuisense now out of your life and head. Come out in flying colors with successful completion of MS Program. Get a job. Then think about what you want to do with this marriage. Your study should be your first priority now. Dont talk about your marriage or decision with your dh till you became independent in all aspects.

It's your life . You know it better than others. You only can decide what you want. It's your call . Best wishes with your studies and wish you all the best.

 

From your posts, it looks like you suffer from low self esteem. You mention your middle class status very often even when not needed. Not all are born with silver spoon. Many of us are what we are today only due to education and hardwork.

So firstly, try to be proud of what you have; loving parents, your attributes which made FIL to pick you, and your own ability in studies to excel in UG and attain a seat to do post graduation in Ivy League school.

Now secondly, evaluate the current bad things in your life. A MIL who weighs person’s virtues by dowry, A husband who is afraid to sever his relationship with ex inspite of her conniving and cheating behavior, and ex,an absolute low life who has the shamelessness to still barge in to your husband’s married life and comment on his current wife(you).

I won’t suggest you an immediate divorce. But you need to sit and write good things in your first bucket. These won’t change, in fact will get even better. You will find a job after you complete your masters, you will have opportunities to repay back your parents (not just monetarily but also with your love and caring which they will value more than money in their old age), and the new perspectives an employment brings when working with different background people.

Write down your negatives too and assign ranking on whether they will change once you start working. Some might and some might not. But your importance to those will change when you start gaining new perspective.

You are still studying. April month is busy for university students, so you obsessing over how your husband and ex are spending their free time will affect your grade and most importantly your future career. Delete them from your WhatsApp, Skype. You live in US. Free unlimited calls/message users in US rarely use WhatsApp/Skype, so start communicating to your husband who lives in different state using that. If something happened recently and you are unable to get over that to make you open this thread, write what happened in different index cards. Arrange them in different order. When you repeat and in different order, the issues start becoming trivial.

Good luck for your studies for next 8 months and to get good grades and a wonderful job. Marital relationship most probably might turn around too when you start working but you need to start getting more confidence in your own abilities.

 

You got into IVY and thinking about that lady n husband who never considered you as wife.
What happened to you?
Focus only on studying, your parents are doing so much. Dec is just months away. Till then I will suggest not meet mil or husband just for sake.
If he really needs a wife he will come to you.
I think he wants to satisfy his ego, when his ex left with you on the job n looks.
Forget them, only on improving grades and getting a much better job than him.
He doesn't deserve a good hearted person like you.
No open fight, crying or any drama. You act super confident, even when you feel miserable. Hero is a person, who is 5 min more confident in a situation. Be that....

 

I dont understand why are you trying to win a person who clearly disrespects you.you are a bright student and your parents are also very supportive.why do you need your loser husband.if your husband not in fully love with you but respect you as wife,then i would fully support and encourage you to win your husband,but in your case he doesnot seem to have respect for you.so its better to now concentrate in your career and then proceed to take divorce.

 

Dear Op,
It looks like you have a bright future ahead of you. Your husband has definitely screwed up both of your lives and the wounds make take years to heal. Your husband lacks a strong character. He is attracted to a women who treats him like dirt and he knows it yet he is so attracted towards the constant humiliation. This is like woman getting attracted to bad boys. There is something about this wicked ppl that some vulnerable ppl find addicting. Your husband takes you for granted and every time you try to warm up to him he hurts you with caustic words. Your husband is showing his frustrations towards you and attributing his lack of attraction towards your looks and lack of job. I don't think both of these are actual reasons. So guy is comfortable being associated with a women who has a questionable reputation but not a ivy league going family girl. I think the fault is with his brain. Forget about divorce its too drastic for now. Your husband is in some mind mace he needs to find his way out himself. Stop all attempts to woo him and concentrate on your studies. Be cordial be nice and divert all attention towards making new friends and talking more to close one. Closet this issue the best you can for now.I have a feeling he is going to get burnt real bad by this girl and come to his senses. Sl