Please Advise Me What Should I Do?

@yellowmango hubby was so much willing to marry her but she only left him when he lost his job and sat at home for few months. she started saying that she is financially insecure about the rship and they had constant fights over his joblessness for few months. hubby and ex worked at the same company. as hubby lost job and was at home, she began rship with hubby's frnd who also works there. she has done work from home from that guy's house instead of going to office and somehow the news came out after 3 months. when my hubby confronted her she said yes and asked him to leave her house. after this incident that girl returned totally broke to hubby after a year. she pleaded to him to at least allow talking to her as a friend and hubby felt sorry for her and they continue talking since then. and our marriage has disturbed her so much that she does her bit to ruin it. even after being engaged to someone she is still talking to my hubby and criticising about me.

 

@yellowmango thank you for your suggestions. i will start looking for yoga classes here. hubby is 6 feet tall and handsome, not saying bcz he is my husband. generally he looks smart, tall and well built. has good hair and physique. on the other side, i'm 5.2 and i'm 68. so he thinks we both are so opposite and dont match physically. but sometimes he was ready to put me in gym classes and pay a trainer fee of 300$ a month but later i declined saying he is only keen about how i look rather understand how i feel. i also feel that he does these only to satisfy his needs of me looking good.

 

@Sandycandy before marriage my husband told me about his rship with his ex. he did not hide this from me. He just said that he was dumped when he lost his job and so the rship came to an end. after marriage when i was there, he never showed any signs of love or care towards me and when the fight erupted he cried and told me he doesnt have any feelings for me. then he told everything in detail as how the girl cheated him to how she begged him later. he told me how emotionally drained he was after she dumped him and he has to move houses and live in a friend's house in their living room until he found another job. these revelations made me feel bad for him. he cried that he thought she will be his pillar but she left and since then he couldnt build that same amount of trust for me or even attraction towards me.
about his mom, she hates me bcz of status. his father chose me and from the beginning his mom was not ok bcz of class difference. their son was okay to marry me bcz i agreed to study in US and not sit at home. moreover once he told me that he was okay to marry me bcz he thought i'm a promising student in studies bcz of my UG credentials in india, and my GRE scores. i was already ready with my GRE exam score even before i began talking to my hubby during the matrimony process. from the beginning he used to tell me to aim for IVY League unis as for my UG and GRE scores, I have the highest chance of getting selected there. so in the initial days when we both spoke we used to speak a lot only about applying to universities, what sort of job i should later and stuff. when his mom asked what dowry my father is going to give when they visited us, my dad said i'd be happy to invest in my daughters education and i will take full responsibility of her tuition and accommodation fees wherever she gets to study and your son doesnt have to spend even a penny. my father kept his words... but she used to constantly bicker me saying her friends circle are criticising her for choosing a dil who did not even give a car. during such conversations, arguments have got heated up between me and mil. so never since then our rship is cordial and mil always tells H that leave this girl, she speaks too much without respect and is not submissive and i will find some other girl who is financially well off for you. sometimes H used to say back, mom shut up and go other times he will be quiet.

 

@Sandycandy thank you for your reply sandy.. STD?? I'm afraid and restless now. But my H has no physical relations with her since 1.5 years now. so will it still be a problem? i'm badly insecure now.

 

@Sandycandy thanks for explaining this to me. I will soon address this when i speak to him. but how do i tell him that i read his chats? wont he feel that violated his trust? but there were times that he said that she has slept with her colleagues for promotions or short international opportunities. i remember he also told me that she used to often cry to him that men are only using her and not giving love back.
and i argued that its her fault for choosing men for materialistic reasons and not finding a partner who truly wants to setttle down. i even told him that she was the one who ruined the chance of getting married to my husband and why does she complain about men using her.
could you please suggest how do i stop these two talking to each other?

 

@GeetaKashyap dear geeta thanks for replying. i'm definitely going to set my head right going forward to be focused on myself. my parents tell the same thing that i should concentrate on my studies. but my father thinks once i get a job and move into the house and start living together, husband will slowly change. father thinks all this will take time and for that first i should finish studies and get a job. i will be finishing studies only by this year end. so until then this marriage problems are going to hang around my neck and especially his ex issues. i really dont know how to set my H right and make him understand that he is trapping himself in life by continuing his talks with her. could you please give me some ideas as how i put some sense into his head on this?